Michelle Obama is exposing Hillary Clinton’s secret sex life and financial dealings, Bill Clinton plans to live in Arkansas “to study young interns,” Prince Charles’ wife Camilla has branded William and Kate “lousy parents,” Playboy magnate Hugh Hefner is a dying recluse, Goldie Hawn “needs rehab to survive,” and Angelina Jolie “lusts for lesbian love – and drugs!”
What do these lurid stories in this week’s tabloids have in common? They cling to the barest gossamer thread of reality – a thread that grows more frayed with each week’s reports.
“Backstabbing Obama destroy Hillary,” screams the Trump-loving ‘Globe’ cover story, ignoring the small detail that the Clintons’ finances have been dissected in numerous public investigations and public tax filings, and allegations of her sexual proclivities have been long ago and repeatedly aired in depth. There’s little dirt that the Obamas could offer the Republicans – as if they’d want to – that hasn’t already been revealed.
If Hillary wins the White House, husband Bill plans to live in a “Little Rock love shack” – actually, his Presidential Library – where he has transformed his apartment into “a Hugh Hefner-style playboy penthouse” where he aims to seduce women, claims former Republican political strategist Dick Morris in the ‘National Enquirer.’ Bill reportedly plans “to build a swimming pool on the roof of his library . . . to have naked pool parties the way JFK did at the White House.” Seems like fair and balanced reporting to me, despite the complete absence of supporting facts.
Why are Prince William and wife Kate such bad parents, according to Camilla? Because Kate squatted down to talk to son George at his own level, rather than talking down to him to make him appreciate his inferior position. “Camilla knew that’s a royal no-no,” reports the ‘Globe,’ which apparently believes that Camilla adheres to Victorian parenting practices, and has no problem in endorsing them.
“Hugh Hefner’s sad last days” trouble the ‘Globe,’ which claims the 90-year-old publisher is a frail 90 pounds and a “tragic recluse.” Which simply means that he hasn’t been photographed in public lately. Let’s remember that the tabloids gave Nick Nolte four weeks to live – several months ago.
Perhaps this is a good time for a trip down memory lane, to the ‘Globe’ issue of May 2012 whose cover screamed: “Who’ll Die Next?” and revealed the “stars’ secret health shockers.” Pictured on the cover, the stars whose days were numbered: Liza Minnelli, O.J. Simpson, Heather Locklear, Demi Moore, Mary Tyler Moore, and, yep – Nick Nolte. Four years later, all are still alive. In the interests of complete fairness, let me acknowledge that this 2012 ‘Globe’ cover also included a photo of country singer George Jones, who did indeed die the following year . . . at the age of 81. Hardly a shocking or premature demise.
Why does Goldie Hawn “need rehab”? The 70-year-old actress was partying in England and on