Failure

Auto Added by WPeMatico

8 Logical Reasons Why Failure is the Pillar of Success

We have all experienced failures, either big or small. They are life events that, admittedly, are not great experiences and can bring us a lot of negative thoughts.

When we fail at something, we generally have two choices to consider. Either we keep going to try succeeding in what we’ve failed at, or we quit and say goodbye to our goals and dreams.

Choosing the former means that failures won’t stop us and persisting is always a good choice. Why? Here are some logical reasons why failure is the pillar of success, something that’s even crucial if we want to achieve our goals in life.

Failure gives us lessons to succeed that other experiences can’t

As Bill Gates said, “It’s fine to celebrate success, but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.” When we fail, we learn things such as what don’t work, possible mistakes, real risks, and others. We learn those that cannot be learned so clearly in other situations. This ability to see things more clearly is relevant for success.

Therefore, when failures happen, we should find the lessons that we can use as cautions in the future. They may become important notes to help us determine what next move to take.

Failure humbles us to think that nothing is easy to get

When we have the right mindset, we can acknowledge failures as signs that we must work harder. Nothing in life that is worth it comes easy and that is also true for the ultimate success that we’ve always dreamed of. Failures can remind us of that fact, making us more motivated to put in the effort.

Success, after all, is something that can only be achieved by working hard consistently.

Failure makes us fine-tune our work approach to perfection

reasons why failure is good for success

As failures help us realize our lapses, we will naturally learn what is right. It will force us to tweak the process and our approach of doing things in order to achieve progress.

Because of this, each point where we have failed should hone our work approach gradually. The new methods that will arise from our mistakes should be better compared to the initial ones we used when we were just starting.

Failure strengthens our mentality

A strong mentality is needed even after securing success. Many competitions and naysayers can knock us down if we don’t have the right mentality for maintaining our accomplishments. The journey that we take from the bottom to the position of success should prepare our mentality for that.

Each failure that we overcome during the journey rightfully strengthens our toughness. That should be a useful pillar for the mentality that we need to have when we achieve our goals.

Failure increases our appreciation of success

When we finally succeed after lots of failures on the way to the top, how do you think that feels? Immense satisfaction, right? Something that must be fought hard to get is much more valuable to us than the one that required less efforts.

The failures that we experienced on the road to success should make our achievements more valuable. This level of appreciation will also give us higher motivation to sustain our success or even improve it further to another level.

Failure sometimes creates valuable opportunities to succeed

Failures can also lead to other opportunities, which can be an important foundation for your success in the future.

To point out, let’s say that you are fired from your job. You may feel that you failed immensely because of this. However, this might also open the opportunity to start a business that you’ve always wanted. The time that you never had before is now at your disposal, allowing you to explore other possibilities.

When you fail, try to see it positively and carefully look at the opportunities that might be opened. They might become essential factors for you to succeed in the future.

Failure tests our resolve whether our goals are the right success for us or not

reasons failure is good for success

Do you have a strong resolve to something that you say you want to achieve? When your goals aren’t that meaningful, failures might be your wake-up call telling you that you’re supposed to do something else. It can also be the moment when you have to compare the efforts needed with the things you will get if you succeed.

If these goals are meaningful enough for you, then you should keep on pursuing them. If not, then you might want to think about your goals again and re-evaluate your definition of success. Hence, failures can also help you discover what your true aim in life is.

Failure is something that most successful people have experienced

It is always good to benchmark with those who have already made it before us. When we look at the success stories of successful people, most of them have experienced failures on their way to the top. Big or small, those experiences are important parts of the success that they now enjoy.

Do you want to succeed, too? Then there is little to suggest that you won’t go through struggles and setbacks like those before you have experienced.

The Takeaway

Failures make successful people who they are. They become the contributing factors that direct them to the top. Acknowledging this should make you believe more that failure is a crucial part of success. After all, this has been tested by those who have experienced success before us.

So, what do you think about the notion that failure is the pillar of success? Have you thought that, somehow, success is more attainable with lessons gained from failures?

Don’t let failures stop you in achieving the things that give your life joy, pride, and meaning. Instead, make them an essential part of your progress.

The post 8 Logical Reasons Why Failure is the Pillar of Success appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

What Is Your Success Meter?

What does success mean for you?

Here’s an interesting story.

In 1983, a young talented guitarist was kicked out of his dream band. He was delirious with joy even just before the manager called him at his office to kick him out. It happened just three days before he was about to record his first album.

No reason, no complaints, no fight, just shown the door. For no reason.

So, as he sat on the bus from Los Angeles to New York, you know what he did?

He cried.

What did I do wrong? Just, how did this happen? I have worked so, so hard to get here and now, this. Let me jump from the roof of this bus. I would never go home.

But he went home. When he stepped out of the bus, his tears were evaporated by the heat of his anger. How dare they fire him? Who are they? Just a crappy band with a dozen songs and 1000 fans?

Blah.

He was over his self-pitying and he was definitely not that guy who’d quit playing guitar. He would build his own band and throw concerts in New York in front of them. He’ll become more famous than them.

And he was right.

His name was Dave Mustaine.

He founded the band Megadeath.

Later on, Megadeath toured the whole world and  has sold  over 25 million albums. Today, Mustaine is considered as one of the most brilliant and influential musicians in the history of heavy-metal music.

young dave mustaine
Via rockandrollgarage.com

But, unfortunately the band which kicked him out was Metallica. It has sold over 180 million albums worldwide. Metallica is considered by many to be one of the greatest rock bands of all time.

So this man, Dave Mustaine was a success freak. You can just guess how successful he was. He has billions of fans and had no guitaring background. From crap, he had made a billionaire of himself. His anger made him successful.

Normally, people would say, “See? He believed in himself and he always sought revenge. That is why he is who he is now. He was overtly successful.”

Or, was he?

In a rare interview in his old age, he said with tears that he has never tasted success. Even with so much money and many fans, he was not successful. For him, success meant one thing and that’s to be more famous than Metallica.

Since he was not, he didn’t consider himself successful.

dave mustaine
Via youtube

Now, you and I will laugh at his condition. But to him, he had worked so hard, but his life was a failure.

Our success is determined by our own success meters.

Someone’s success can be your failure while someone’s failure can be your success.

Dave Mustaine was:

a) A failure (according to his success meter)
b) A success (according to my success meter)

We like to determine other’s success and failures by our own success meters. If you ask what success in life is, many of us would say it’s getting a nice job, getting paid good money, having a car, and having a selfie-ready spouse with two cute kids. These are high success meters but not for everyone.

That is why your parents often tell you that your cousin is a total failure because he dropped out of school to pursue his singing career even though he has concerts regularly and gets 10k likes on each song in YouTube.

So, you define what is successful, either consciously or unconsciously.

Don’t get fazed by other’s success meters. Maybe your dad is a lecturer at a university and wants you to do the same.

Just think, would you be happier if you become a lecturer and get paid nicely? Or would you be happier if you build your business and it collapses and you’ll be poor?

Your answer tells something about your success meters. Do what you think will make you successful. Forget career stereotypes — be a lecturer if you want to, otherwise start your dream business.

See Also: 20 Qualities for A Successful Life

The post What Is Your Success Meter? appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

5 Reasons Why You Need To Start Learning From Mistakes

Have you ever wondered why most successful people speak of their achievements and avoid talking about their unsuccessful attempts? This is quite logical since we all aim to achieve more and love to brag about our success.

However, this doesn’t mean that we won’t make mistakes along the way or that successful people did everything right from the beginning. As a matter of fact, most successful people put emphasis on why learning from mistakes is important.

Every unsuccessful attempt can help you gain indispensable experience and mistakes can even be more valuable than achievements.

To help you understand that idea better, here are some of the top reasons why mistakes are valuable:

Gives Us Experience

Do you remember your first bad experience with an employer? Do you remember your first bad grade for a paper or an embarrassing moment when a teacher caught you cheating during an exam?

These are common struggles but they are actually a great way to build good future habits.

Once you have the experience in the workplace, you will no longer make the mistakes you did before. And when a teacher already caught you in the act, you will know better than to cheat in the future. As we make mistakes, we learn from them.

Sometimes, it doesn’t really matter how many times we hear an advice from our friends and family; we simply let things go by. But, when we actually experience and make the mistake, it sticks to our mind and provides us with the lesson of not repeating it.

Encourages Different Thinking

encourage different thinking

As we make mistakes, we eliminate certain ways of reaching our goal. When an approach is proven wrong, people immediately start looking for different ways to resolve a situation.

Basically, mistakes encourage finding a new solution. If your initial idea did not work, you are more likely to take a different stand and think of ideas you wouldn’t have thought if that didn’t happen.

Builds Character

This is quite the tricky benefit since people can go either way when it comes to building characters. Very often, too many mistakes make people depressed. Too many failures convince them to just give up on their dreams.

However, once you start learning from mistakes, you’ll gain confidence from them. They will help you build a stronger character and help you become a more passionate, successful person.

Encourages Improvement

‘Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me’.

We’ve all heard this proverb and it most certainly applies to this case.

When a person fails once, it is quite normal and often even expected. After all, it is rare for someone to achieve a big goal in just one attempt. However, if you take the same steps and use the same strategies despite the failure you experienced, you shouldn’t expect to see a different result.

When you fail in something, you should look for a better way to achieve your goals. It should encourage you to think outside of the box and look for a solution that can take you to a different path.

See Also: 8 Good Reasons Why Change Is Hard

Reveals Weaknesses

Are you the type of person who skips all the parts you cannot do and focuses only on those you are good at? While this can be a good strategy when you have people to finish other tasks, it is actually the worst thing you can do if you need to achieve a goal on your own.

overcoming procrastination

Procrastinating is one of the most common mistakes people make. We keep postponing our weaknesses and focus on the things that come easily to us.

See Also: 4 Habits That Will Improve Your Focus And Destroy Procrastination

Look at it this way:

Only a few people make it right the first time. Most of us struggle with getting it right during the first attempt. We have to practice, fail and rise up again. If you want to be successful, you have to start learning from your mistakes.

The post 5 Reasons Why You Need To Start Learning From Mistakes appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

11 Ways To Pick Yourself Up And Bounce Back After Failure

Success is not always what it seems.

Steven Spielberg had his share of failures and setbacks before becoming successful. So did Walt Disney and Michael Jordan. Arianne Huffington, Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates experienced many ups and downs before they became successful in their respective fields. Henry Ford and Steve Jobs also had a bumpy journey to success. These icons are perfect examples that the road to success is anything but smooth.

Failure is inescapable and inevitable. There is no denying it or escaping it. No one is immune to it. No matter how good you are in your field or area of expertise, there is no guarantee or immunity against failure nor is there a surety that you’ll succeed the first time around or make it every single time.

Failure is bitter no matter how you see it. The sting of a letdown, the agony of experiencing disappointment and the pain of defeat is hard to endure. In plain words, failure sucks. It crushes you, hurts you deeply and leaves your ego bruised. There is no feeling worse than having hit rock bottom. No wonder everyone dreads failure, but keep in mind that no amount of hating or detesting it can help you avoid it.

Failure is a part of life and the success process. J.K Rowling, the bestselling author with the phenomenal rags to riches story, has beautifully summed it with this line: ‘It is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all. In which case, you fail by default.’

But, failure doesn’t have to discourage, demoralize you or end your success journey. Looking at it in the right perspective, failure doesn’t mean it’s all over. It just means that you didn’t succeed this time around.

Sometimes you’ll face situations where the odds are stacked up against you. Other times, despite your best efforts and preparation, you will still experience failure. You have to train yourself to be tough, take the hits and be able to deal with it all.

Failure can work for you big time if you look at it the right way. It, by itself, is not detrimental. What is damaging about failure is its paralyzing effect once you let it get to you. Your chances of recovering from failure and regaining lost confidence depend heavily on how you approach it.

Failure doesn’t care about how you feel. It makes no concessions. It only throws two choices in your way: either give up or fight again. It’s up to you to decide and take the call. You can choose to opt for the easy way out, step back and quit or make the hard choice of picking yourself up, getting back on your feet and starting all over again. The right choice will help you steer yourself towards success and transform your life.

Here are 11 ways you can bounce back from failure and get back on track again.

Accept what happened

The first thing you should do after you have failed is to accept it and come to terms with it. Don’t ignore, deny or hide it. You have failed and there’s nothing you can do to reverse it now.

Accept it and know that it’s okay. Failure happens all the time. It’s no big deal if you accept it and decide to do something about it. That’s how you start learning how to overcome failure.

Take total responsibility

Own your failure. There’s no shame in it. Everyone fails sometimes.

Things won’t always pan out the way you want them, but the sole responsibility should always be yours to take. You must be accountable for your actions, choices, and decisions. Never blame others and hold them responsible for your failures. Passing the buck is a sure recipe for disaster.

Analyze what happened

You cannot undo what happened, but, by taking stock of what happened, you can dispassionately assess and gain insight into what went wrong and where. It will also enable you to understand what worked and what didn’t so that you can begin with a whole new approach.

Analyzing can help you in revising your strategy, preparing yourself, working on your weak points and improving your future performance. It will also give you the confidence to bounce back and begin more confidently.

Learn from your mistakes

There is much truth in the words of Henry Ford when he said that the only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing. Failure teaches you like none other can teach you. You must learn from your mistakes and ‘heed the lessons of failure’, as Bill Gates put it.

Make the best of your mistakes. Embrace them, learn from them and never repeat them. Identify your weaknesses, work on them and turn them into your strength.

See Also: 9 Powerful Lessons from the Success Story of Bill Gates

Don’t dwell on failure

dont dwell on failure

The worst way to deal with failure is to take it to heart. What has happened has happened. No amount of crying, complaining or regretting can help you overcome it.

So, stop ruminating over it, re-running it in your mind and feeling sorry for yourself. It will not serve any useful purpose and will only take you deeper into sorrow and unhappiness.

Get over it; Move on

Failure is ‘a temporary detour, not a dead-end’, as Denis Waitley, the American bestselling author is once known to have said. Failure only lasts until you succeed again. So, don’t let it become permanent and scar your psyche.

A negative feeling cannot have any positive outcome. It is best forgotten. Wipe the slate clean and make a fresh start. Look ahead, move on, and give yourself a chance to recover and rebuild yourself.

Develop mental toughness to triumph over failure

Setbacks should not dishearten or break you. Failure is not an end in itself so, don’t let it steal your confidence. Train yourself to take bad hits in life. Use failure to learn, grow and better yourself. Maintain a positive attitude in the face of failure. That’s how you can strengthen your mental toughness.

Jump into a positive frame of mind

When you face defeat, you are engulfed by fear and self-doubt. Failure brings with it a dark cloud of negativity. You begin to question yourself and start to doubt your ability. Positive thoughts are the last thing on your mind and that’s how it is. Recovery and rebounding

Recovery and rebounding take time. To facilitate and make the process faster, you must fight all negative thoughts that cross your mind and fill yourself with positivity. Look back and reflect on your own life how you faced past failures and overcame them.

Nothing can inspire you more than your personal experience and your own success story. You know you have dealt with it before and can do it again.

Let go of fear

let go of fear

When you experience failure, one thing is sure. The worst has struck you, but things can’t go bad from there.

When you fall down, you can’t go further down. So, what is there to fear?

From there, you can only move towards the positive direction. So, get up, gather your broken pieces and start building yourself again. Success is achieved by those who don’t fear failure. Don’t let failure hold you back or stop you from realizing your dreams.

See Also: How To Conquer The Fear Of Success (Or Failure)

Focus on bettering yourself

Everyone faces failure but how you look at it and what you do about it is what makes all the difference. In most cases, failure happens because a person wasn’t able to prepare well, didn’t plan properly or was ill-equipped. It can also be because he’s just plain unlucky.

Disregarding the last one, everything else can be fixed. So, make a list of all the things which you think contributed to your failure and start working on them, one thing at a time. Do everything within your power to rectify, resolve, improve, develop and put right.

Begin again

Failure can devastate you if you allow it to. It can also help you rebuild yourself and restart your journey if you choose to.

Failure shouldn’t be the end of your dreams, goals, and aspirations. The power of failure should motivate you to chase your goals, take a fresh start and make a new beginning. Let failure make you stronger, tougher and more resilient so that you don’t just survive it but you’ll bounce back stronger.

The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. -Nelson Mandela

The post 11 Ways To Pick Yourself Up And Bounce Back After Failure appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

How To Conquer The Fear Of Success (Or Failure)

The fear of success is a counter intuitive mindset. It’s one of those things in life that keeps us stuck in a rut or in a downward spiral. Part of us wants to do something and another part says we shouldn’t. So, how can we break the cycle?

In this article, I’m going to share with you some theories in overcoming fear of success.

Change your level of conscious awareness

In the 1970s, the most successful ad was a single frame image of Coca Cola placed within a movie which lasted 1/24th of a second. It appeared so fast that not everyone might have seen it properly.

Despite its speed, half the audience headed out to the candy bar to purchase their Coke after the movie and likely didn’t question why.

The exposure is so short that it is below the level of conscious awareness of the people. Because they didn’t realize they have been triggered, they didn’t have any defense.

So, the trick to overcoming the fear of success is to begin changing your level of conscious awareness around these subjects. As much as possible, try to build up your resistance.

It is common for people to fear forging ahead and standing out, especially if those things meant affecting their family, relationships, or life’s status quo. Others may fear failing or change, so they remain stuck, stagnant, and often miserable.

Become more aware of your behavior and their reasons. Give yourself the space to forge on. Back yourself, and take the leap towards success.

Humans are extraordinary problem-solving machines but once we experience fear, the mind that makes us so powerful begins to derail us.

Let go of what you fear you may lose

interpersonal skills

When I decided to become an entrepreneur, I knew I’d have to evolve, take on more pro-active personality traits, and learn new skills. One of my identified fears was speaking to strangers. At the same time, I figured that if I were to become successful in my new venture, I need to have positive communication and interpersonal skills.

Those are two different things and just the idea of making the switch made me feel very uncomfortable.

I realized, however, that I had to rise above that and create my success. I needed to move forward and accept what might happen.

I had to release my attachment to the things I was afraid of losing for me to start overcoming the fear of success.

See Also: 5 Things You Need To Get Rid Of To Become Successful In Life

Play out the worst-case scenario

The more you hide from potential pain, the more you fear it and the more power it has to stop you in your life. So for me, I painted a worst-case scenario and played it through.

What’s life going to look like 1 or 20 years from now? What type of person am I going to become? Where will I end up if I don’t follow my own true worth and passion?

Take on the responsibility

Fear of success is a reflection of your fear of other people’s reactions to your achievements. This is often coupled with the fear of responsibility.

Since these things can easily slow you down, don’t let other people’s opinions place doubt in your mind. Stand your ground in a proactive way and be steadfast on your path to success.

In life, you can be pro-active or reactive. When you’re reactive, things will pan out the way you’re afraid they will. When you become pro-active, you take control, become empowered and start attracting the people and opportunities that will support your success.

Embrace change

embrace change

Ultimately, the fear of success is the fear of change. You can’t predict or control it but you can choose to be optimistic, work on your conscious awareness, and believe this path is going to be better.

I have found this to be absolutely true. You can’t do it if you’re not willing to surrender to what’s going to happen.

Find out for yourself.  Let go and see what life delivers.

See Also: The Call for Change: Time to Step Out of the Comfort Zone

The post How To Conquer The Fear Of Success (Or Failure) appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

5 Ways To Bounce Back From A Big Mistake

Everyone makes mistakes. The recent mistakes in the media with Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway announcing the wrong movie for the Best Picture at the 2017 Oscars and Steve Harvey’s slip-up when he said the wrong name for Miss Universe 2015 are reminders that no one is perfect.

Some mistakes are easier to move past while others will go on to live forever. Whether your mistake is huge or just a tiny error, here are five ways that can help you with overcoming mistakes.

Be honest about what happened

Telling big or even little white lies to cover up a mistake can just put you into a downhill spiral. If a mistake has been made, take the hit and be responsible for what happened.

While it may be difficult to admit your error and feel foolish, these reactions are just short-lived. Lying to cover up the mistake will just create more problems in the long run.

Don’t beat yourself up over it

talk to a coworker

It’s normal to feel ashamed or embarrassed for a short period of time after making a mistake. You shouldn’t live on it or continue to build it up in your mind. You eventually have to accept it and move on. Keep in mind that the quicker you can accept it, the quicker you can recover.

Find an outlet that works for you to relieve stress. Talk to a friend or coworker, go for a quick walk around the building or journal your thoughts to give you some perspective and release.

See Also: 9 Ways We Can Reduce Our Stress Level

Apologize

say sorry

Some people think that saying “I’m sorry” is a form of weakness, but it’s actually just the opposite. It shows that you can take responsibility for your actions and are willing to admit your mistakes. Whether you offended a friend or missed a deadline at work, apologizing takes courage and shows the other party that you understand what went wrong and you want to move on from it.

See Also: 5 Ways to Say Sorry

Put the mistake in perspective

Whether the mistake was a minor slip-up or a large-scale error, put it in perspective. There may be consequences to your actions, but think about how this mistake will affect you in 1, 5 or even 10 years.

Chances are, it won’t. If it is a life-altering mistake, then consider seeking counseling to help you cope with the consequences.

Learn from it

Take the blunders you make as a learning opportunity. Think about how the mistake happened.

Were you trying to get things done too fast? Were you sleep deprived? Had you had too much to drink?

Identify the factors that caused the mistake and think about what you can do differently next time to avoid doing it again.

Give yourself some grace and know that one mistake probably won’t derail your life or career. You are human and we all make mistakes. Some mistakes can even be turned into opportunities or used as motivation to do better going forward.

The most important thing when it comes to overcoming mistakes is to be smart about how you respond to them.

The post 5 Ways To Bounce Back From A Big Mistake appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

Why Criticizing Others Won’t Get Them to Change … and What Will!

When someone in your life behaves in a way that is off-putting or upsetting to you — maybe they cross one of your boundaries, or perhaps they just do something that is not cool with you, maybe even repeatedly, and you finally get fed up with it — how do you handle the situation?

How do you confront them about their undesirable behavior, or perhaps their lack of desirable behavior?

You want them to change, right?

But is your approach really working to bring about that change?

If you’re like many people, the approach you may very well take is to criticize them and find fault with their behavior. This often takes the form of “You never […]” or “You always […]” — then insert the behavior in question.

But have you ever stopped to consider the reasoning behind criticizing others, hoping it will change their behavior?

If you investigate it, the common thought process is this:

“If I just make this person aware of their behavior by pointing it out to them and how off-putting it is, it should be reason enough for them to change it.”

Sounds logical enough, doesn’t it?

But does it actually work?

When you criticize people and find fault with their behavior, do they end up changing?

I’m willing to bet the answer is: No way!

What usually ends up happening?

Don’t they generally just dig in their heels and become defensive and argumentative?

They either start trying to weasel their way out of the situation by making excuses for themselves and the way they act, or they attempt to justify their behavior by giving you reasons for why they act the way they do.

And in other cases, they may even turn the situation around on you and start criticizing you in return. They may retaliate and start picking out your own faults and flaws.

Now instead of getting them to change, the only thing that’s accomplished is a heated argument, where nothing comes of it but hostility and resentment.

So what’s the solution to this problem?

And how do we get others to change?

The first thing you need to realize is that finding fault with others and criticizing their behavior doesn’t work to bring about change in other people. In fact, it only brings out the worst in them. It only leads to them feeling like they’re under attack.

And how do we respond when we’re under attack?

We either try to defend ourselves, or we fight back

defensive argument

And in that, the whole aim or purpose of our initial actions and the results we hope to achieve (to get the other person to change their behavior because it wreaks some form of hardship on us) get lost along the way. They get pushed to the side and instead, the interaction takes on a complete tangent in the form of an argument, where nothing but animosity and strife are the result.

Then we may get angry and bitter because the person can’t see the error of their ways, even though we’ve so accurately pointed them out to them. And then when the argument is over, likely unresolved and filled with bitterness and resentment, perhaps we go and complain and gossip to our friends about how the person just can’t see and doesn’t understand how their behavior negatively affects us.

See Also: The Best Way to Win an Argument

We blame them for being the problem

blaming others

But what if the problem isn’t really with them? What if the real problem is the approach we took in confronting the situation? What if fault finding and criticizing just doesn’t work to bring about changes in others as it relates to us?

If so, what is the real solution?

How do we truly create change in others’ behavior?

The secret is to separate the behavior in question from the person’s sense of identity.

What do I mean by that?

Instead of criticizing someone’s behavior, making them feel like they’re under attack (which will generally only make them defensive and argumentative), we have to go under their radar and prevent their ego from getting involved in the conversation.

This is done by telling the person how their behavior (or lack of it) make you feel. Instead of placing the focus on them by putting them down, focus on your feelings.

Simply use a statement like this:

“When you […], I feel […].”

For example, instead of saying, “You always come so home so late! What’s the matter with you?” — which will probably just lead to a full-blown argument — simply say, “When you come home so late, I feel worried.”

This prevents you from putting a laser focus on them, which will prevent them from getting defensive and argumentative. Instead, it puts the focus on your feelings about their behavior. And because you haven’t involved their ego in the confrontation, they will be open to listening to you and understanding where you’re coming from.

Because it’s about you and not them, they won’t throw up their barriers as in the case of criticizing and fault finding.

Then the next step is follow-up with a “Would you […]?” question.

For example, “Would you please call if you know you’re going to be coming home late to let me know?”

Here, you’re not demanding anything of them. You’re approaching the subject in a civil way. You’re asking them for permission, in a sense. You’re asking for their consent in the matter.

You’re giving them the choice, and that always leads to more positive results.

If you take this approach instead of criticizing someone and finding fault with them, hoping it will change their behavior, you’re almost sure to find it’s a method that actually produces the results you want.

Remember:

“When you […], I feel […].”

Followed by:

“Would you […]?”

That’s it.

Remember those words the next time you feel like criticizing someone who behaviors in a way that is undesirable to you and you want them to change, and you’ll find it’s the difference between an argument where nothing but an argument is the result, and creating real, positive change in others.

See Also: The Call for Change: Time to Step Out of the Comfort Zone

 

The post Why Criticizing Others Won’t Get Them to Change … and What Will! appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

How To Find Inspiration After A Big Failure

I am sure that you have heard the saying that if you have never failed at anything, then you never tried anything. This saying is quite true. Ask the big captains of industry and the inventors of things that changed the face of humanity, and they will tell you how they kept moving from failure to failure. I certainly agree with those who say that the real challenge is not in falling, rather it is in your ability to rise up after every failure.

Learning to deal with failure is not something you start learning when you are an adult. It is actually something you have to learn especially while you are still going to college. This is the reason why I am starting this article by looking at the common instances of failure while you are still in school and college. I have also looked at rejection when you apply for a place in college or a job. You will certainly be glad to hear that when you fail, you are not the first and you will certainly not be the last.

Failure In College

failure in college

I still remember when I arrived in college for the first time. It had not yet dawned on me that college was a lot different from high school. No one had told me that essay-writing in college is something which requires research and diligence. I just thought that I would use my natural intelligence and everything would be fine.

I was in for a rude awakening. For the first time in my life, I got a mark below 50%. However, this never happened again as one of my professors took the time to give me pointers. As you can see, it was through failure that I discovered a very important lesson.

Expulsion

Another big failure for many students in college is being expelled. While I was in college, two of my friends were expelled; one for failing to hand over the minimum number of assignments for a given semester and another one for presenting work of another student as his own. My friend actually thought that since the assignments were going to be marked by different professors, they would not see that the work was the same.

He was wrong. The college was now using a new system where all assignments were checked for plagiarism. In the event that another assignment had already been submitted to this system, if you attempted to submit another one which is the same, the system would flag it. His biggest problem was that even when he had been caught, he refused to accept that he had done something wrong. So he was put before a disciplinary committee which found him guilty.

Rejected College Application

Another big source of disappointment for many college students is when they fail to get space in a college that they want to go to. There is usually more competition when it comes to getting into really good colleges. Many more people are rejected at such colleges than are accepted. I do not think that this should be viewed as a failure at all. It is not about the college you go to but rather your character and what you can do with your degree. I would rather work with someone who went to a lesser known college but has a great work ethic than someone who has been to the Ivy League with a wrong attitude.

A Job Taken By Someone Else

job interview

Only after leaving college do you see that it is a jungle out there. Sooner rather than later, those expectations of a corner office with air conditioning start to fade away with each regret letter you get from the employers of your choice. It is easy to start thinking that maybe something is wrong with you. Well, nothing is wrong with you, there are millions of other graduates competing for the same job and the very same corner office you have in your imagination.

Sometimes, you know that the job was going to be yours if it had not been stolen by someone who already knows someone else in the company. You feel hurt because you know you could do a great job if you had been given the chance.

Tips On Finding Inspiration After Failing

The good thing about failure is that it is actually not the end. You can use the following tips to find inspiration after failure.

Accept Your Weaknesses. Every human being has weaknesses. The first thing you need to do after failing is to accept that it has happened to you because failure happens to human beings. Accepting this helps you to accept that this is not a reflection of your life as a whole. It is just a temporary setback.

Accept That Everyone Fails. Show me anyone who has never failed in their lives and I will show you someone who has never lifted a finger. Everybody has had experience of failure before. This should comfort you.

See Also: Your Ability To Fail Without Fear Is A Requirement To Reach Your Goals

Accept That You Are In Control. When you are expelled from college, when your application is rejected, or when someone else takes a job you thought was yours, it is easy to blame others for it. When you stop the blame game and take responsibility, you are growing. It helps you to address any deficiencies you may have.

See The Lesson. The biggest thing you can take from failure is the lesson it has taught you. This gives you a chance to examine your life. It gives you a chance to introspect. If there are any weaknesses you need to address, you will only be able to see them after doing this soul searching. There are many lessons I would never have learned if I had not failed.

Pain Helps You Grow. You will find inspiration if you accept that the pain you get from failure helps you to grow. There are certain things you will not understand until you have had a chance to live them. For example, you would not know what it feels like to lose a job unless you had lost one before. We only learn the feeling of losing a loved one after we have lost a loved one. That is the essence of life.

It Gives Material For Stories. If you have ever listened to a story about how someone succeeded against the odds, you are essentially listening to a story about failure. The reason why the story is moving you is because someone has learned from the failures of their lives.

See Also: Why The Road to Success is Always Full of Failures 

Failure should never be considered as something permanent. It only becomes permanent if you allow it to defeat you. It’s something that happens to all human beings who have ambitions. If we look at the lessons we can learn from our failure, we will soon realize that in order to succeed, we have to be prepared to fail. It should never be seen as the end, but rather the beginning of a new way of looking at life.

 

The post How To Find Inspiration After A Big Failure appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

Kill them with candor

Three businessmen meeting in a conference room. After failing to secure another round of funding and shutting down my startup, Katch, I’ve been thinking about candor. While failure isn’t a unique story in our industry, talking about it is. Of course, I don’t advocate dwelling on one’s failures as a key to success, but paradoxically I found the quickest path to moving forward from my startup’s demise was to… Read More

Powered by WPeMatico

Your Ability To Fail Without Fear Is A Requirement To Reach Your Goals

What is Failure?

Did you know that you need to fail to live life? Yes, you do.

When we were all born, we never received a “book of life” that had all the rules laid out for us to skim through when we needed to refer to it.

Sure, people always told us what to do and what not to do growing up, but it wasn’t until you lived the events and saw them through your own eyes that you realized what worked or didn’t work, was good or bad, and what was a success or a failure.

Let me show how you can change your thoughts that you may finally reach your goals. But first, let’s dive into why you are being held back in the first place.

Why Getting Past Your Fears Of Failure Will Dramatically Change Your Life

moving forward

When I first wanted to start a blog, I faced this uncertainty myself. I asked myself many times, was it worth it? Is anyone even going to read what I have to say? Was this just going to be a lot of wasted time?

The fact is, I didn’t know. And that’s the beauty of it. I could have a winner on my hands and not even know it.

It was a lot of work starting a blog but I felt that I had my unique outlook on things and a lot of great information to share. I kept on with it and said that I have nothing to lose, yet so much reward to gain.

The thing is, we as humans are not psychics. We cannot see into the future. If we don’t even attempt something, then we are not living, we are just observing. We are not living out our own lives; we are bystanders just sitting on the sidelines watching everything pass us by.

It’s until we make that attempt, take that first step, hit that first roadblock, that we know if what we are doing is the right decision or not.

If you keep moving forward, and trying your best, and not giving up, then you haven’t failed yet.

If you are driving down a road, and there is a fork in the road, and you have no map and no idea which way to go, you can choose to go right or left. For you to know which way is the right way to get to your end goal and destination, you may end up having to take that wrong road.

But the point I am trying to get you to understand is that you HAD to go down that wrong road to KNOW that the right road was the right way.

See, it’s not a failure. Its just eliminating the wrong option.

What You Can Do Right Now To Overcome Your Fear

overcome fear of failure

Here are some great ways to bust through your fears and get on with your life:

Ask Yourself, “What Is The Worst That Can Happen?”

Think worst case scenario here.

If you were to attempt to do what you wanted, what could happen that you feel is the worst case. Once you realize that it may not be all that bad, then trying it out might not be as bad as you first would have thought.

See Also: 3 Questions You Need To Ask To Overcome Your Fears 

Just Take Action

Make that first step, no matter how small. Even a little progress can open up your eyes to realize that things are not all that hard.

What would be harder for you to bear? Is it trying and failing at something, or not even trying at all and then living with the regret for the rest of your life that you didn’t even try?

Focus On The Positives

Don’t focus on what bad things can happen from your attempts. Look at what great positive and rewarding things you can get out of accomplishing your goal.

For some reason, we always want to focus on the negative side of things. But we are so focused on what terrible things that could happen, that we forget the other side of the coin. We need to refocus ourselves on what great things that will come out of actions and our decisions.

Life is the same. Even if you don’t achieve your goal one way, you can certainly achieve it another. And even if that doesn’t work, just keep going. No matter how long it takes you to achieve your goal, keep going until you do.

Don’t Take It Personally

Don’t take things personally, and treat the experience as a learning opportunity.

Just go and have fun with it. Make it into some game where if you don’t pass the level, that’s okay. Just press the reset button and try again. You can never lose.

Try, try and try some more. The more you start to live life and take action, instead of just watching it pass you by, the quicker you will learn to accept the hiccups in the road of life, and you will be able to better manage these unforeseen issues.

You will start to not treat these events as failures but as learning blocks — steps that you needed to take to achieve your goals.

Forget About The Past

Forget about what’s happened in the past. Instead, focus on the goal right now.

Do not let old mistakes hold you back. Again, I hate using the words “mistakes” and “failures” because they are not.

Stop denying your past. Fix what you can and move on.

You cannot let your pride and ego get in the way of your success. When you feel that you have failed at something, don’t get mad at yourself or even others. Find out what went wrong, and fix it as fast as you can. Don’t repeat the same actions and you will be fine.

Final Thoughts

You see, failure is just another word for “I shouldn’t do it that way next time.” It’s as simple as that. Instead of looking at it as a failure, you should look at it as life telling you which path is probably not the one to take any more.

We can’t always play it safe in life. Don’t ever underestimate your worth. You are only limited by what your mind tells you that you are limited to.

Stop listening to the voice in your head, and start living a life without fear to do whatever you want to accomplish.

Just imagine what we could all accomplish if we knew that we couldn’t fail.

See Also: 5 Fears You Might Not Realize Are Holding You Back (And What To Do)

 

The post Your Ability To Fail Without Fear Is A Requirement To Reach Your Goals appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

5 Ways to Make the Most of Failure

Failure comes in all shapes and forms, and everyone has their own ideas about it. One thing that is certain, however, is that failure sucks. Heck, the mere thought of failing at anything is enough to put most people off trying in the first place. But it shouldn’t. Learning to deal with failure in a positive way may sound difficult, but once you’ve mastered it, you’ll be on the road to success – and that goes for blogging too.

Blogging takes a lot of time and effort, and you won’t see results straight away –it’s normal. A lot of decisions made about blogs are the result of trial-and-error, so be prepared to try a lot of different things before getting it right.

Follow these 5 steps and you’ll have made your peace with failure in no time.

Own it

You didn’t do as well as you thought you did, or you missed the mark entirely. So what?

Everyone has failed at something at some point in life (whether they choose to admit it or not) and contrary to popular belief, it’s not the end of the world. Don’t be ashamed to tell those around you about it; it’ll probably help you weed out any unsupportive parties and allow you to focus on maintaining relationships with those who fully believe in you. Fake friends, your time is up – thanks, failure.

failure quote

Don’t Let Yourself Wallow in Self-pity

You’ll get away with this for a few days tops, but then it’s back to the grind. The reason success is celebrated is because it takes hard work and guts to get there, so waste little time and figure out a new strategy. Use it as an opportunity to take a walk down a different path: be open to new ideas and say yes to things when you’d normally say no – what have you got to lose? You’ve hit bottom, now the only way is up, baaaaby – praise to Yazz for such inspirational lyrics.

You never know, that person you caught taking an interest in your journal on your subway ride home from a failed interview could prove a useful contact to you – engage with them.

See Also: Be a Rebel: 7 Tips for Radical Achievement from Albert Einstein 

Get Feedback

If you didn’t know there was anything wrong with your work in the first place, chances are you still don’t know now. Asking for feedback is important, whether it be from a friend, a professional or even a complete stranger.

Sometimes, all you need is a fresh perspective – someone to help you see things from a new angle can make all the difference. If nothing is making sense, ask for help – you’re only human, and we all need a little help along the way.

Keep Moving Forward

View failure as an attempt at success – you didn’t achieve it this time, but who’s to say you won’t next time? Keep your cool and keep moving forward. Your brain is a wonderful tool – put it to good use by trying out new techniques, writing styles or whatever comes to mind. Your comfort zone isn’t designed to be lived in so get outta there! Unlock your creative side and let your ideas flow.

motivational quote

Accept That It May Happen Again

Making friends with failure will be difficult, but it’ll be worth it. You have to be prepared for anything, which means being prepared to fail again. Re-adjusting your attitude could be the making of you, so don’t hesitate. Accepting failure is not accepting defeat, it’s being realistic. You’ll probably find that it pushes you to work even harder, which is always a good thing, regardless of what you’re working on.

Failure won’t kill you, but it’ll definitely make you stronger. Your potential knows no bounds, so get back out there and show everyone what you’re made of! Success takes time and dedication among a heap of other things, so remember – life is a marathon, not a sprint. Be assertive and confident, and don’t forget to work hard. Failure will try and bring you down – don’t let it. If failure prevents you from trying, you will never achieve success; it’s as simple as that.

Think back to these 5 ways to make the most of failure when you’re considering giving up, and you’ll be back on track before you know it.

See Also: Why You Should Forget Success And Strive to Fail 

 

The post 5 Ways to Make the Most of Failure appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico