Late Show With Stephen Colbert

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‘You’re a monster’: Colbert goes to town on Trump’s weekend of woeful coronavirus leadership

'You're a monster': Colbert goes to town on Trump's weekend of woeful coronavirus leadership

“This is the first crisis of Trump’s presidency that he did not cause himself, and he is shankin’ it,” declared Stephen Colbert in Monday night’s Late Show monologue. The host was summing up a truly dire few days of presidential mishandling, “hunches,” and health misinformation about the worsening coronavirus outbreak, culminating in a Monday market crash where “Wall Street S&P’d itself.”

From wearing campaign merch and declaring non-existent COVID-19 tests to be as “perfect” as his Ukraine phone call during a lab visit, to tweeting poorly thought-through comparisons to the flu, Colbert ran through the president’s not-at-all reassuring lowlights. Read more…

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Stephen Colbert unpacks one Trump lawyer’s latest argument. It’s absolutely bananas.

Stephen Colbert unpacks one Trump lawyer's latest argument. It's absolutely bananas.

As Republicans freak out very slightly in the face of actually having to call some witnesses in Donald Trump’s post-impeachment Senate trial — such as John Bolton, former NSW advisor and author of the spiciest tell-all of the upcoming fall publishing season — their star lawyer Alan Dershowitz launched a wild new “legal” “defense”. 

Basically: Presidents want to get elected because they think they will be the best president for the country, and therefore anything they do to get elected, no matter how shady it is, is totally kosher.

I’m barely paraphrasing.

An incredulous Stephen Colbert unpacked that argument line by line in Wednesday night’s Late Show monologue, and it’s worth watching just to make sure you’re hearing Dershowitz correctly. Read more…

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Stephen Colbert takes apart team Trump’s legal arguments ahead of impeachment trial

Stephen Colbert takes apart team Trump's legal arguments ahead of impeachment trial

If having Rudy Giuliani as his personal attorney wasn’t proof enough that Trump’s not getting the best legal advice possible, dwell upon this clip from Monday night’s episode of the Late Show. 

Ahead of the president’s impeachment trial in the Senate, the House managers filed a brief calling Trump’s conduct “the Framers’ worst nightmare.” Team Trump’s response was to end the weekend insisting that “abuse of power” — one of the cited crimes in the articles of impeachment — isn’t, like, technically a real crime or anything, so it’s not impeachable.

“Yes it is!” Late Show host Stephen Colbert exclaims in Monday night’s monologue. “It’s the most powerful job in the world — that’s why abuse of power is the thing that a president is not supposed to do.” Read more…

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Stephen Colbert cracks himself up with savage jokes about Trump’s Iran chaos

Stephen Colbert cracks himself up with savage jokes about Trump's Iran chaos

If you don’t laugh, you’ll cry, folks. 

Stephen Colbert came roaring into 2020 on Monday night, opening The Late Show for the year with a solid 10 minutes of bleakly brutal material about Trump’s strike on Iranian general Qasem Soleimani.

Trump has subsequently threatened — via Twitter, naturally — to further attack 52 Iranian targets, including culturally important sites, in retaliation for any retaliation. As many legal experts have pointed out, the president may have essentially threatened in a public forum to commit war crimes. The Late Show team, in an attempt to write a joke to measure up to this turn of events, came up with one that was a little much even for the host. Read more…

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Stephen Colbert turns Trump’s bizarre claim to have saved a marriage into a campaign ad

Stephen Colbert turns Trump's bizarre claim to have saved a marriage into a campaign ad

On Wednesday’s episode of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, the host examined how President Trump is coping now that articles of impeachment have been brought against him. “With impeachment closing in, last night Trump went to his happy place — anger,” said Colbert, referring to Trump’s characteristically bizarre Pennsylvania rally.

Attempting to minimise the rather serious accusations brought against him, Trump dismissed the number of charges against him as “impeachment light” and nothing to be concerned about. Which is kind of like saying everything’s fine because there are only two dead rats in their cake batter. Read more…

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Stephen Colbert roasts Republicans’ claim the impeachment hearings are ‘boring’

After the first televised impeachment hearings into Donald Trump and Ukraine on Wednesday, some people came away from watching highly respected U.S. officials add more damning evidence to an already-teetering pile wondering why they didn’t get a bit more of the ol’ razzle dazzle.

Republicans’ new line, after weeks of demanding public hearings, switched to a puerile cry of “Boringgggg!” with Kellyanne Conway saying it was “just a bunch of gossip girls.” As Stephen Colbert noted in his monologue Wednesday night, Gossip Girl was a very successful show, even if the ending left something to be desired. (Also, 13 million people watched the hearings; only 11 million watched the CMAs that same night.) Read more…

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Colbert mocks Republicans’ ‘desperate’ new impeachment defense strategy

Stephen Colbert summed up another weekend in the Trump era on Monday Night’s Late Show, and it still isn’t getting any less weird.

Between the president officially leaving New York City (for tax reasons) and Titanic-groping a baseball player at the White House as thanks for donning a MAGA hat, it’s been an interesting few days. Then, of course, there’s the impeachment latest.

In the face of House Intelligence Committee Chair Rep. Adam Schiff releasing transcripts of the inquiry testimony, which the GOP had been decrying as “secretive,” Colbert explains that some Trump defenders are thinking they might switch to a new tactic: admitting that there may have been a quid pro quo, then just trying to downplay the negative spin. Read more…

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Stephen Colbert catches out Fox News admitting Trump might be a racist

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After comparing America’s gun culture to Chernobyl on Monday, Stephen Colbert began Tuesday night’s Late Show with a few more pointed minutes on Donald Trump’s continued struggles to respond presidentially to the previous weekend’s shootings in Texas and Ohio — including a quick rundown of the El Paso officials who really don’t want a President whose rhetoric seems to have inspired the shooter to pay them a visit. 

“It really speaks to your leadership when a town in mourning after an unspeakable tragedy thinks you would bring the mood down.”

After reading out Barack Obama’s equally pointed statement on language from leaders that “normalizes racist sentiment” — without naming any leaders in particular — Colbert played a Fox News clip where the gang at Fox & Friends deduce that Obama’s statement might have been referring to Donald Trump. Aggrieved Fox host Brian Kilmeade went on to ask whether George W. Bush ever condemned Obama after Sandy Hook. Read more…

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Of course, Melania Trump’s careless jacket was taken to town by late show hosts

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Melania Trump’s decision to wear that jacket to visit shelters and facilities for immigrant children at the U.S. border was not lost on late show hosts.

In fact, the subject of the First Lady’s tone deaf fashion choice — a Zara jacket emblazoned with the words “I really don’t care, do u?” — on Thursday was almost too easy for them.

Trevor Noah, who’s had just about enough of this shit, cut straight to the chase.

“It looks like when Melania was in the hospital, she had her last fuck removed,” he said on The Daily Show Thursday night. Read more…

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Stephen Colbert demands a 'Million Meryl March' in response to Donald Trump

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Meryl Streep‘s acceptance speech at the Golden Globes has riled up a bunch of folks—everyone from Donald Trump to Stephen Colbert.

During his opening Late Show monologue, Colbert roasted the president-elect’s tweet response to the moving address Streep gave on Sunday night. 

“Look Mr. Trump, you can refuse to release your taxes, you can call to ban an entire religion, you can play footsie with a dictator, but calling Meryl Streep overrated? No, no. Too far,” Colbert exclaimed. 

“I wasn’t going to go to that Million Woman March but I’m going now. It’s going to be a Million Meryl March—I’ll be the one holding blu-ray of Kramer vs Kramer and weeping,” he said, before launching into Russian’s involvement with the United States election.  Read more…

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