Relationships

Auto Added by WPeMatico

The Danger In Looking For Your Type When Dating

“Yeah, she is nice and all, but just not my type.”

Have you ever said that or had a friend tell you that as they considered a mate? Maybe you feel drawn to intelligent brunettes while your friend is all about the athletic blondes. You may have even determined that whomever you end up with long-term will have to fit into that type in order for the relationship to be successful.

On Finding Your Type

Most of us, at one time or another, has felt that we have a specific “type” when it comes to romantic partners. We assume that people who don’t fit our predetermined “type” are not likely to be a good relationship fit and that those who do will be. But is this really true?

Yes and no.

We are often drawn to people based on our own past experiences. Elements of familiarity make us feel more comfortable with and more drawn to people with certain attributes.

Those in our lives who have had a big and usually positive impact on us can influence what we think we want in a partner. You may think you just naturally prefer brunettes, but the truth is that you probably had a positive experience with a brunette. That’s why you became drawn to the qualities that they exhibited. Parents, teachers, and other role models can all be part of creating our “type” as well.

We also tend to look for partners that are similar to ourselves or have similar backgrounds. These shared experiences and values feel important when considering a long-term future with someone. They help to provide a common ground and mutual agreement on the importance of certain things in life.

So, the shy blonde girl who grew up in the suburbs may not feel that the long-haired hippy who spent his life living on a commune is the right fit for her. There likely will have never been someone like him in her life that made an impact before. And appearances tell her they have nothing in common and that he wouldn’t be a good match. But what if he is?

The Danger in Trying Too Hard in Finding the Right Person for You

There is a danger in relying too heavily on your “type” in determining whether someone will make a good mate for you or not. Just because they do or don’t meet your idea of the right type doesn’t mean you can determine with certainty their merit as a partner.

Becoming too focused on looking for someone who fits your idea means that you may be overlooking others who would actually be better matches for you in the long run. It also operates on the assumption that  meeting your type criteria automatically makes someone a good match.

This simply isn’t something that can be counted on.

Not all athletic blondes have the mix of traits that will make a long-term relationship a good one. It doesn’t mean that you and that perfect match will be compatible.

Looking for love by relying upon your type as a guide can be a dangerous thing to do. It can set up an unhealthy dynamic. You may place unfair expectations on your partner based on what you believe they represented by meeting your type criteria. Or, on the other hand, if you end up with someone who doesn’t fall into your idea of the right type, you may subconsciously sabotage your relationship.

You may let your feelings settled and seep through before you have given that relationship a fair chance. Dating according to type could very well mean that you spend a great deal of time in relationships that are difficult and simply don’t work or leave you feeling lonely and unfulfilled.

Conclusion

Your best bet when dating or starting a relationship is to look for a person’s traits. Appreciate them instead of listening to the ideas you’ve created inside your head. It is undeniably more important to be honest, caring, and compassionate than it is to be blonde.

The post The Danger In Looking For Your Type When Dating appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

5 Unique Ways To Celebrate Your Parents’ Anniversary

Anniversaries are considered as one of the most special occasions in the life of a couple. And if you are planning to celebrate the day when your mom and dad tied the knot, then you must be quite excited. They definitely deserve some fancy celebration on achieving such a big milestone in their life.

If your parents are a social couple, then it is important to include all their favorite people in their anniversary celebration to make it unforgettable for them. If you don’t have a plan yet, here’s what to do for your parents’ anniversary.

Pool Party at a Farm House

Imagine all your family members having fun at a pool party while enjoying exotic cocktails and scrumptious cuisines. Yes, just the thought of it sounds so exciting!

It’s best if you have a farmhouse of your own away from the hustle and bustle of the city. If not, then you can always rent one for your parent’s anniversary celebration.

Let all your dear ones witness the most important day of your parents’ lives. Your parents will be thrilled with the idea of a pool party. They will surely have a great time with all their favorite people at one place.

Special Wedding Anniversary Cake

We all agree with Julia Child that a party without cake is just a meeting.

So, add some fun and flavor to your parents’ anniversary celebration with a lip-smacking cake of their favorite flavor. You can order a heart-shaped special cake for a wedding anniversary. You can also get a photo cake with a memorable picture of your parents’ wedding day.

Just the sight of the cake will make them smile. They will surely enjoy every bite along with the rest of the family.

Create a Video of Some Old Memories

Your parent’s marriage must be full of happy moments and wonderful memories. Turn them into a video they can watch on their anniversary.

Plan a Treasure Hunt with Family Members

If your parents are quite sporty and love to play fun games, then you should plan something that will get them moving for their anniversary celebration. You can plan a treasure hunt in your basement or backyard.

Everyone will surely have fun while hunting for treasures. It will give them an opportunity to work as a team, too.

Redesign their Old Wedding Attire

Consider redesigning your parents’ old wedding attire. Remember, you don’t really have to make these trendy and up to date. You can just repair any tears and wash away any stains. Surely, your parents will be in tears after seeing that what they wore on their wedding day are now good as new. Everyone at the party will have their eyes fixed on how thrilled your parents are. Not to mention, on the remarkable restoration of their wedding attire.

See Also: What to Give On Anniversary: Gift Giving Tips To Make It That Extra Special

The post 5 Unique Ways To Celebrate Your Parents’ Anniversary appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

4 Ways Men Can (Accidentally) Mess Up Their Relationship

Men are from Mars and women from Venus, right? That was the big a-ha moment back in the 90s when Dr. John Gray wrote his book. When that book came out, men and women everywhere stopped, took notice, and said: “Okay that makes sense. Men and women handle relationships (and many other things) differently!”

Not that it was that big of a secret. The emotional differences between men and women have long been noted. Those differences, however, can also be one of the reasons why many relationships fail.

In particular, men are too often at fault on this score. Because many of us haven’t developed emotional intelligence, we often look past the emotional needs of our partners. We may not experience the same feelings, so it doesn’t occur to us that they would. As a result, we get ourselves in trouble and can, without even realizing it, mess up our relationships.

Before we take a look at some of the areas men routinely overlook, let’s talk about the #1 way that men kill their relationships.

The biggest man-made problem is thinking that those differences don’t matter and that we don’t need to worry about them. Of course, if you are one of those men, you are probably not reading this. Good for you as you’ve dodged the biggest bullet.

Just because a woman views things differently than you or measures the impact of things differently, it doesn’t mean you can dismiss those things and keep going. Actually, the fact that you don’t get it probably means you need to stop and take notice.

So, assuming you are trying to avoid accidentally ruining your relationship with your partner, what are those things you should pay attention to?

Below are four of the biggest relationship mistakes guys make.

Letting your appreciation go silent

When you started dating, you likely told her pretty routinely how much you appreciated her presence in your life. You probably said things like “you’re beautiful”, “I am lucky to have you” and “thank you”.

Once your relationship is firmly established, those often stop. There’s no need, right? You told her over and over before and now you guys are committed and she should know.

Nope.

When the expression of appreciation stops, women take notice and not in a good way. For many women, no longer hearing those things means you have stopped feeling and thinking them. That translates into feeling taken for granted and undervalued.

I know you are saying to yourself, “Why is she so insecure?”

Guys, this is usually not an insecurity thing. It’s more of reinforcing your connection and not taking her for granted. It doesn’t need to be done excessively. You don’t necessarily have to do daily flower deliveries and love songs, but routinely letting her know that she’s important to you will go a long way.

See Also: How to Get Rid of Relationship Insecurities

Thinking that sex no longer requires romance

romance tips

When you’re in a steady relationship, you might think that you can just roll over any morning and let her know you’re ready and it’s game on. Well, not so fast.

While that may work on certain occasions, a woman really never stops wanting to feel pursued. Taking the time to do things right will maintain the intimacy in your relationship and reinforce that feeling that you want her and she’s worth the time and effort. You may be pleasantly surprised at her reaction.

Ignoring what she tells you

relationship tip

One thing that women tend to do far better than men is express their feelings. The problem is that not only do men not DO this well, they also don’t LISTEN to it well.

I have a friend whose wife told him for years what she wanted from their relationship – more time together, sex, and romance. She said she felt secondary in his life to work, friends, football – you get the picture.

I was actually around to hear some of these things said. He seemed caught completely off guard when she decided she was done talking and never being heard. She decided to file for divorce.

The point is, listen to what she tells you. Many women will almost give you a blueprint for the relationship if you just pay attention.

Assuming she cares about your underwear and socks

Here’s the thing – she doesn’t.

Don’t assume she’s going to take care of all your incidentals. Your laundry, dinner dishes, putting your shoes away, ensuring that you always have deodorant — those things are your responsibility. That doesn’t mean she may not do those things, it depends on how you have your division of responsibilities arranged.

But when you get angry because your sock drawer is empty and that becomes a regular complaint, it’s time to read the signs and take care of things on your own. Women want to be seen as equals, partners, and intelligent human beings – not your mom.

When you take that for granted, she will handle all those little things. She may end up pushing back or spending time with someone who doesn’t expect her to do them.

Men often assume that once the relationship is established, we are good and all the work is done. That’s simply not true. And although women can be just as guilty of all of the points above, we are often our own worst enemies when it comes to these things. Try appreciating and respecting the natural differences between you and your partner. Doing this will help keep you from accidentally messing up a good thing.

See Also: 7 Best Secrets To Building Lasting Relationships

The post 4 Ways Men Can (Accidentally) Mess Up Their Relationship appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

5 Little-Known Steps To Get Over A Painful Breakup

Life is already difficult. Let’s try and make it a little less complicated and happier.

Let me start with something you would want to hear in a difficult time like this, okay?

It is completely alright to break up with someone if you think that the relationship was too draining and you’re not receiving enough in return.

Sometimes, saying goodbye hurts, but it is important for YOU. You need it to be happy and to love yourself.

If you’re not happy, you know it’s time to pack your stuff and leave. It doesn’t matter how long the relationship lasted. You will always feel heartbroken after parting ways with someone you couldn’t imagine living a day without. You may feel lonely and vulnerable. You may even want to call them back.

The effects of a breakup can last for a long time if you let them get to you. However, you have an option to slide through those effects and get back to being you.

First of all, I would like to inform you that self-harm, alcoholism, grieving for too long, cutting communication with friends and family or anything that doesn’t sound like a healthy way to get over a breakup is most probably not it.

Instead, you should indulge in activities that make you feel more like yourself — the person you were when you were single.

This doesn’t necessarily mean single people are happier. It just means that you need to learn to love yourself again and then, think about dating. Do one thing at a time.

Here, we are going to focus on how to be the better person after a breakup. Some of these tips will directly and immediately affect you while some can make a difference in the long run.

Curious? Read on to find out more.

Accept the Fact And Let It Out of Your System

Realize that shit happens and you are not responsible for it. You are just sad that it ended and you can take your time to feel alive again. Give yourself some time to do whatever it is that you want to do to accept the breakup.

Grieving is not bad. In fact, it can help you move on. However, hanging onto it for too long is not a good idea. Avoid drinking too much or harming yourself because trust me, you may feel like doing it when the agony becomes too much.

Once you have realized that what has happened has already happened, then you have to be okay with it for your own good. You can congratulate yourself for successfully taking the first step to moving on.

Clear The Chaos Around You

breakup tips

A lot of people will tell you to go out and have fun after a breakup. This is a flawed way of dealing with the situation. Hanging out will divert your mind away from your heartbreak but at the end of the day, you will have to come back to the same place. That’s when you’ll start feeling lonely again.

To get your life back on track, you need to make your living space more lively and organized. Clean up well and create a space where you can breathe freely. Open the windows and let the fresh air and sunlight in your room. Make an environment that has no place for grief or sorrow.

You can also look for cleansing incense sticks to create a fresh atmosphere in your room. Get some crystals, like amethyst, moonstone or citrine, that absorb negative energy.

Remove his belongings if they remind you of him. Throw them away if you don’t think he would want them back. It is completely your decision.

Surround Yourself with Positivity

Think about yourself and the people around you. Take the time to invite some of them over for a barbecue or simply to hang out at home. It doesn’t have to be too extravagant.

Having others around you is actually good. You’ll have people to talk to, particularly when you are feeling down

Keep your routine a healthy one because after a breakup, people tend to oversleep, overeat, and avoid going to work. If you notice that you’re falling into that pit, make the effort to work on a healthy routine, diet, and social life. That way, you’ll feel better faster.

Even if you don’t, you will get there. Just keep in mind that you are the most important person in your life and whatever you do, you keep your own best interests in mind.

Treat Yourself

treat yourself

Heartbreaks can make you feel depressed and unable to take care of your hygiene and appearance. So, put in some effort and take time out of your schedule to visit a salon or a spa to treat your mind and body. Spas can feel relaxing when you’re feeling distraught.

You can also go out shopping and get some new clothes. Be inclined towards brighter and more lively colors as those can make you feel a lot more positive.

You can also get yourself some jewelry or a good pair of shoes. Don’t feel guilty about splurging a little if it’ll make you feel better.

Take Comfort In Your Community

All these efforts are of no use unless you cut your ties off completely from the person who broke your heart and settles back into your community.

You can start making new friends, go out with your old friend, and carry out activities you think you were missing out on when you were in a relationship. Spare some time for yourself and the people who care about you.

Conclusion

It is said that the longer you date someone, the harder it is to let go. This may be true at some level, but it is never impossible to let anyone go. All you need to do is exert effort and the first step towards that is ‘wanting to do it’.

Breakups become as difficult as you make them. You don’t have to follow the dreaded routine of over-indulgence. You can let it not affect you by taking care of yourself and putting your happiness above everything else.

See Also: Written By Him: How To Handle A Break Up

The post 5 Little-Known Steps To Get Over A Painful Breakup appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

How to Get Rid of Relationship Insecurities

The best relationship advice for a happy marriage is never to compare yourself or your spouse to someone else. Unfortunately, this is easier said than done, especially if you are insecure by nature. Getting over relationship insecurities can be hard for you.

Insecurity often boils down to a deep feeling of inadequacy in a relationship. You may feel like you aren’t smart, pretty, funny or interesting enough to keep your partner’s attention. Insecurity may also stem from a distrust from your partner due to a past indiscretion on their behalf.

Feeling insecure about yourself or your spouse can do some serious damage to an otherwise healthy relationship. Here are 6 tips on how you can start getting over relationship insecurities.

Consider Your Baggage

Some of the best relationship advice you can follow for handling insecurities in your marriage is to pinpoint the source of the problem. Some examples of what led you to this emotional point may be that:

  • You have been cheated on in the past
  • You watched your parents go through a messy divorce
  • Your current spouse has been unfaithful in the past
  • You have experienced a drastic change in appearance (weight gain/loss/pregnancy)
  • Your emotional connection to your spouse feels lacking

The list can go on and on, but it is important to learn where your insecurities are stemming from. Once you know what led to your romantic insecurities, you will be better equipped to handle them.

Stop Comparing Yourself

Always remember that comparison is the thief of joy. The more you compare yourself to someone else, the less happy you will be in your marriage.

It is common for someone who is feeling insecure to begin comparing themselves to their spouse’s former lovers. This can lead to boiling jealousy, hurtful fights, and much irritation for both you and your partner.

If your spouse wanted to be with someone else, they wouldn’t be with you. Your partner is not with their ex-flame, they are with you. They love you, are charmed by you, and choose to spend their time with you because they enjoy doing so. Remember that the next time you are feeling insecure about your partner’s past.

Get It Out of Your System

talking about insecurities

If you’re feeling insecure or jealous and it is bubbling to the surface, don’t wait for it to explode. Let it out!

The longer you hold back your insecurities, the more time they have to build and fester. Instead of letting things spiral out of control, talk to your partner about it. Do that before you start snooping on your partner’s phone, following them around, and having friends check up on them.

Communication is the key to a healthy relationship, especially when you are feeling insecure or jealous.

When you sit down to talk to your partner, don’t snap at them or turn your insecurities into an argument. And trust us, that can be very easy to do.

Instead, speak calmly and reasonably about how you’re feeling. Explain to your partner why you might be feeling this way. You will likely find them to be understanding and eager to help in this matter.

Practice Self-Care

The best relationship advice for building confidence is by practicing self-love. Take care of yourself. Dress up, take a bubble bath or play guitar. Whatever makes you feel great, do more of it!

Exercising is a great way to build confidence. Learn to appreciate the unique qualities that make you a lovable and valuable partner to your spouse.

When you exercise, you are feeding your self-confidence.

Exercising triggers your body to release a compound neurotransmitter called dopamine. It’s the body’s natural reward system that causes euphoric feelings of happiness. This mood-elevator can do wonders for your confidence and overall outlook on yourself and your marriage.

Getting fit and stronger is another benefit of working out. You’ll find that the healthier your body feels, the better your mental state will be in. Doctors recommend getting at least 30 minutes of exercise each day for the best results both mentally and physically.

Have a Regular Date Night

Emotional and physical intimacy are both integral to a happy marriage. Scheduling time each week to spend a romantic, fun or exciting evening together as a couple is a great way to strengthen these aspects of your relationship.

Studies show that building emotional intimacy and boosting oxytocin is actually proven to boost trust in humans. Having more trust in your spouse will put you at ease about your insecurities. It’ll give you more time to spend enjoying each other’s company.

When sitting down for date night, make sure to put your phones away. Having an electronic-free date night will prevent you and your spouse from feeling snubbed or unappreciated.

Write It Down

writing down insecurities

It’s healthy and wise to talk to your partner about how you’re feeling, but you can’t do that 24/7. Not only is it unhealthy for you to make them the source of your constant reassurance, but it is exhausting for your partner.

Make it a goal to talk about your insecurities for no more than 20 to 30 minutes a week. If you still feel the need to talk about it after this time frame, why not create a journal?

In a study done by the BMJ Journal, patients undergoing stressful situations were encouraged to write about their plans for the day for three 20-minute periods over the course of several days. The results showed a reduction in emotional stress. Just from writing!

Writing down your feelings is an excellent way to get them out of your system without starting a fight or getting upset with your partner.

See Also: 3 Writing Techniques to Increase your Self-Esteem  

It’s normal to have insecurities, even in healthy relationships. Focus on the good in yourself and in your spouse. Learn a healthy way to communicate with your partner about your insecurities and always work to build up your relationship. Following these best relationship advice tips will help you maintain a happy marriage.

The post How to Get Rid of Relationship Insecurities appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

How To Stop Unhappiness Rituals in Your Relationships

I once had a patient, we’ll call her Betty, tell me that every night she would cook her spouse a gourmet dinner. At first, it didn’t look like she was unhappy in a relationship. After dinner, she would ask, “How was your dinner?”

The response was always the same: “So, so.”

Every night, she would find herself angry, unhappy, and resentful. She would focus on how hopeless her situation was. After all, she told herself that all she wanted was to please her partner and to get a little appreciation for her efforts. This woman was definitely unhappy in a relationship.

What is an Unhappiness Ritual?

unhappiness ritual

An unhappiness ritual is a repeated, unsatisfying, cyclical behavior that leads us to unhappiness. There is always a beginning to our unhappiness rituals. Entrance to them is usually initiated by the person who maintains the ritual. As long as we keep our unhappiness rituals going, there is no end to the hopelessness, disappointment, resentment, guilt, and anger that comes as a result.

Over time, unhappiness rituals become automatic. They become habits. We unconsciously include them. The unhappy feelings, which is the outcome of our unhappiness rituals can evolve into a state of chronic discontent and bitterness. Depression often awaits us as we endure with predictable outcomes.

How do unhappiness rituals begin?

Let’s review the patient above.

Her unhappiness ritual with cooking dinner began because she unknowingly needed some kindness, appreciation, and validation from her husband. She didn’t put those needs into words. It was rather a wordless longing inside her.

Then, the idea came to her that cooking nightly gourmet dinners would certainly invite conversation and expressed appreciation from her husband. When her solution didn’t give her the outcome she wanted, she kept on cooking, hoping things would change. She initially became disappointed.

Then, she became sad. Anger and resentment took over. She became stuck in a repetitive unhappiness cycle.

Here is the equation for the inception of unhappiness rituals:

  1. We have an unarticulated, unmet want that is surrounded by a discontent about our need not being met.
  2. We try to get our needs met by creating a solution.
  3. The solution doesn’t work. Our needs are not met. We get stuck in the solution, hoping that one day our needs will be met.

Why do we stay stuck?

Think back to when you learned to drive a car. If you were like most, you paid attention to how you pulled away from the curb. You always put on your turn signal and you checked the speedometer to make sure you were not going too fast. You were aware of what you were doing and what other drivers were doing.

Compare that to how you drive a car now.

After years of driving, isn’t all that you do on the highways and byways automatic? Do you consciously think about how you drive? Probably not, because your driving is now habituated. You do it without even thinking about what you are doing.

We get stuck in unhappiness rituals the exact same way.

We practice them over and over and without knowing, they become automatic. Like Betty, she no longer was aware that every evening around 4:00 she would begin thinking about what she would cook for her husband.

She would comb Gourmet magazine or her recipe books for new and delicious-sounding recipes. Around 5:00, Betty would have selected a meal and she would begin preparing it. Her mantra was, “maybe this time my husband will love the dinner.”

She reported that she was “always hurt when I got the same “so-so” response, night after night.

We become unconsciously and habitually stuck in our unhappiness rituals. Inexplicably, in our stuckness, we expect others to change their responses. It is our fervent hope that others will “get it” and we will be acknowledged, appreciated or feel loved because someone else changed their behaviors.

How to stop being unhappy in a relationship

unhappy relationship

After some therapy and planning, here’s what Betty did:

She stopped putting so much energy into meal preparation and she stopped asking her husband how he liked his dinner! Does that sound too simple?

It took Betty some time to gather the courage to sort out the needs and feelings that were related to her unhappiness ritual. She took quite some time for her to embrace the idea of stepping out of her automatic behaviors. It took creating new ways of interacting and connecting.

How to get out of your unhappiness rituals:

  1. Identify what is causing unhappiness for you. What is it that you repeatedly do that leads to your unhappy feelings?
  2. Name your feelings. Instead of just saying you feel unhappy, name exactly what the feelings are. Are you resentful or in an unhappiness ritual because of guilt? Are you accustomed to being a victim in your life and therefore being in an unhappiness ritual feels comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time? Exploration of your feelings is more easily done with a neutral third party involved.
  3. Learn what you are needing. We enter unhappiness rituals through a desire to get some response usually from another person.
  4. Dissect your ritual. When does it begin? What thoughts go through your mind? What do you tell yourself? Is guilt, retribution, anger, revenge, manipulation or setting yourself up for victimization a driving force? Write it down. Look at it.
  5. Clearly state what it is about your unhappiness ritual that you want to stop.

Action exiting

Change is very difficult as our automatic behaviors are hardwired into our brains. It takes consciousness and perseverance to depart from our unhappiness rituals, especially when they have become entrenched through years of practice.

Betty made a step-by-step plan. She took action!

She identified that around 4:00 pm, she would start planning the evening meal. Her first exodus step was to create activities for herself at that hour.

After some time, Betty decided that she and her neighbor would either play tennis at the local community center or hike with their dogs. In inclement weather, Betty worked out at the gym.

Unhappiness rituals usually fall apart after we intervene on our first step into the ritual.

Next, Betty stopped her subscription to Gourmet Magazine and she boxed up her cookbooks and the recipes that she had collected from newspapers over the years. She put them in the guest room closet.

Then, she considered what types of meals she would make for dinner. Betty decided on some frozen, pre-prepared meals and fresh salads. She had advised her husband.

It went like this:

Honey, I have changed my schedule so I won’t be dedicating so much time to preparing dinner. Just wanted you to know. I’ve got to go right now. I’m going to the gym. If you have any questions, we can discuss it later.

Notice that Betty was brief and respectful. She simply told her husband that she was making a change and then, she exited. No justifications and no explanations. No processing of feelings and no making her husband wrong for not fulfilling her unspoken needs.

To exit an unhappiness ritual:

  1. Write down a plan. Get feedback from an impartial party.
  2. Tell the person/people involved what the change is going to be. Discussing the reason for the change is not necessary and usually leads to a diatribe about our unhappiness because someone else is not meeting our needs (which usually translates into blaming them for our feelings and for making a change necessary).
  3. Plan activities you can do before you enter your unhappiness ritual.
  4. Stick to your change. Practice the change you have selected. Do the change.
  5. Remember, the more you practice your new behavior, the more quickly it becomes automatic.

Finally, get yourself out of your unhappiness rituals. If you follow the steps, you will alleviate emotional pain and find yourself happier and more satisfied with your life.

The post How To Stop Unhappiness Rituals in Your Relationships appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

The One Post Breakup Thing Women Need to Do

“I’m not happy anymore. I see no future with you. I will never love you. You need to accept that and move on. I’m sorry.”

As cliché as it may sound, that was the last I heard from the guy I was so desperately in love with. He’s the guy who dumped me for his major insecurities, male ego, and limitless tail-chasing.

After some time, he went with a follow up stating that he wanted the possibility of a friendship with me- different from what I had been hoping for with him.

break up

You’d like to think that I immediately jumped at the chance to get back together, even if it’s just on a level of completely platonic pals. Or perhaps one of his many previous conquests-now-turned-buddies.

Well, let me tell you this.

I was not that desperate and pathetic.

Flipping him off was below my ladylike standards, so I told him an outright no.

Naturally, he didn’t understand my reluctance as much as I couldn’t comprehend why he wanted to keep me with him, when in fact he’d expressed openly in different terms that he’d rather close the chapter of his life where I was in it, to begin with.

How to handle a break-up with class

post break up

After a breakup, especially in this sort of situation, no matter how much you think it will work on your favor, never beg or plead. That’s even if you are still completely not over or might never be over him. By never, I mean it would be horrific and downright mortifying once you come to your senses!

Trust me. Begging does not work, even if you blackmail him emotionally.

And, do not accept a “Just Be Friends” proposition from the man who brutally jilted you under any circumstance at all! It would be unfair of him to ask that of you, especially when you didn’t want whatever relationship you had to end in the first place.

Handling breakups are different for the vast majority of us as there are a lot of factors that tend to vary.

However, acting loony will get you nowhere.

Overreacting would be a nasty faux pas.

Blowing up his phone and stalking him on social media would not only strain an already non-existent relationship. It would also make you- and not him- more miserable in the long run.

My dear women, I say, go through the breakup with class and what’s left of your dignity.

Various online dating gurus would tell you this and I can attest that it absolutely works a hundred and ten percent: Lose all form of contact with him, as long as it would take for you to reconvene your feelings and your life in general.

Human nature dictates that pain is unwanted, in every aspect, be it physical or emotional.

Unquestionably, going through your normal routine will prove to be very, very difficult. You may find yourself at the end of some nights tired, weeping, and lonely but don’t fret too much. It’s all part of the process to heal yourself.

The bottom line is for you to get a life where you are happy and secure with yourself. You don’t need him to be in it.

Then, live that life and let things run their course.

If he comes back, then it’s up to you to accept him. If you do accept, set boundaries for yourself, which he has to learn to respect.

In case he doesn’t, well, do you really want a man who wants to stay uncommitted and yet desires the benefits of a committed relationship?

See Also: Let Go of Your Ex: 7 Excuses You Need to Stop Making Now

The post The One Post Breakup Thing Women Need to Do appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

In Sickness and In Health: How to Cope With A Sick Partner

When you get married, you might write your own vows or you might stick with something that’s tried and true. Either way, you are pledging yourself, your love, and your support to another human being through all of life’s tricky circumstances. But what happens when things go awry and life throws your relationship a curve ball? How do you cope and start dealing with chronic illness in marriage?

What Does Facing Illness or Injury Do To Your Relationship?

love in health

There are different illnesses and injuries that can occur. Dealing with a broken arm is far different than dealing with a cancer diagnosis. Either way, however, even the slightest incapacitation of a partner can change the dynamic of your relationship significantly.

All of a sudden, the daily roles to which you have become accustomed to change and things between you and your partner change as well. You become either a caretaker or the one being cared for. Either way, this can alter your connection with or perception of your partner.

Romance often takes a backseat as you and your partner adjust to your new roles. This change, along with the altered responsibilities, often causes problems for the relationship and each partner individually.

The change in a relationship when dealing with chronic illness in marriage may also lead to emotional issues. Depression is not uncommon and it can affect the both of you.

If you think that you or your partner is depressed, there are resources you can reach out for help. This is critical when the effects become long-term.

Unfortunately, these hurdles can be difficult to jump and can lead to bigger challenges than just romantic issues. The divorce rate among couples, especially younger couples, where one partner faces health issues is much higher than that of the general population.

Dealing with Chronic Illness in Marriage

So, what can you do to protect your relationship and keep it healthy, even if one of you is not?

Communicate. Each of you is going through something difficult and unique. You need to talk about it. Understanding your partner’s point of view is crucial. When you are wrapped up in the changes you are facing, it becomes easy to forget how those changes are affecting your partner. Discussing how you each feel can create empathy and respect for the other’s circumstance. Neither is easy. And although you are each facing tough times individually, you can actually support each other and go through them together as well.

communicate with each other

Seek support. Friends and family are particularly important in times like this. This is true for both of you. Stress during such time can be a lot to handle and people that care for you can provide perspective and relief. And no, you are not likely to be imposing or taking advantage by leaning on them a bit. If they are people that care about you, they will most likely be happy to be there for you. Even just a conversation to get your mind off things can help.

Remember the love. Yes, things are different and they are likely difficult. However, you fell in love and made a life together for a reason. Remind yourself of this. Pledging your life to another person really is for better and worse, in health and in sickness. You have to hold onto the good times to get through the bad. Remind your partner of these things, too. Each of you is likely to get bogged down in the current circumstances and forget to look at the big picture.

Conclusion

Regardless of the seriousness of the health issues – whether they’re temporary (hopefully) or permanent (worst case) – your relationship can survive. Certainly, the severity of the problem will impact the difficulty of keeping things together, but it can be done.

Remember that you’re not alone. Not only do you have each other but you also have resources in the form of your family and friends. Of course, there are also your trusted healthcare professionals to take care of you and your spouse during the tough times. They can help you get through things. Most of the time, all you have to do is ask.

The post In Sickness and In Health: How to Cope With A Sick Partner appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

6 Really Important Questions You Should Ask Before Getting Married

Are you ready to get married?

Having a discussion right from the start of a relationship that you are looking for a life partner is a great approach. Do not agree to stop dating others until you and your partner have discussed where you’d like the relationship to go.

Are you both thinking in the same direction or do you have different goals in dating?

After a time of exclusive dating, for a maximum of 6 months, we recommend you have a conversation about a timeline for marriage.

Here are the tops questions you should ask before getting married.

Do you want to have children?

before marriage questions

One of the most common challenges that we see with our clients revolves around women who have the conflicting pressure of building a career as well as a romantic relationship with enough time to honor their biological clock for having children. Starting to create a family over the age of 36 years old can be difficult for women.

It is very painful for a woman to be in a relationship for five or more years only to learn that her partner does not want children. Unlike a man who can have children at almost any age, women need to be asking questions about children early on in their relationships.

One of our patients, Donna, is a woman who is 36 years old and is now freezing her eggs because she desperately yearns for a child. Her husband of eight years is just not interested in children. She hopes someday he will change his mind.

If you want children, do not continue to be in a relationship where the other party is not sure if they want to have children. We recommend that you politely and lovingly tell your partner that should they change their mind, they can let you know.

Can you both make your marriage the number one priority?

Are there commitments to parents or prior children that prevent you from making this relationship your priority?

This question is the most challenging and very important.

There are invisible loyalties that can undermine marriages. Parents, overworking, passionate hobbies, health issues, and even friendships are some of the commitments or obligations that can prevent a couple from coming first with each other. It is devastating to find out after your wedding vows that you are not the priority in your partner’s life.

These issues can be negotiated but it needs to be done before you make your relationship official.

What is your attitude towards drinking and drug use?

Another important issue you need to address before you take yourself out of circulation relates to your partner’s attitude towards alcohol and /or drugs. Frank discussions about drugs and alcohol use are essential.

Do not think that you will change your partner’s attitude towards drugs and alcohol because of your love for each other. Alcohol and drug use is a huge problem that can lead to loneliness, disconnection, and divorce.

What is your involvement in religion?

You also need to discuss your perspectives about participation in religion. If you have important differences, that could be a big problem. Having different religions can also be problematic.

If you’re going to have children, what religion will you raise them with? Do you want to be at home raising the children and be a full-time domestic partner or do you want both of you working?

If you come from a culture that expects the mother to be home with the children and your partner does not, this could be a big conflict. If both partners feel comfortable about working full time, that could be fine. It is important to talk about your financial and domestic roles before committing yourself for marriage.

Does your philosophy of managing money match your partners?

Discussions about financial goals are important before committing to marriage. Arguments about money are a common cause for divorce.

Do you have debt? Is it important that you have a plan for retirement? Do you pay your bills on time? Do you work for the purpose of travel and adventure or are you more interested in building your savings, or just living within a budget?

Who will pay the bills? Over what amount of money would you want a joint decision to spend? $100? $500?, $1000?, $10,000?

Do you have health issues which could impact the relationship?

questions before marriage

Not disclosing your history of depression, debilitating migraines or other ongoing health problems can explode later. If discussed ahead of time, your partner will not feel betrayed by your withholding information about major health issues.

Recently, a couple came to see me for counseling because the wife had a dramatic episode of depression just days after the wedding probably due to the stress of organizing the event. She had been on bipolar medication with on and off depression for a year but had not disclosed this to her new husband. He knew she was on some medication, but he did not know the details.

She was unable to function for 12 hours after the wedding and only then told him of her problem. He felt betrayed. Their lives have been greatly affected by this intermittent cycle of depression and his distrust has grown as he now contemplates divorce.

Conclusion

Love and passionate romance are an important value in modern marriage but unless you are open and honest about these issues, your marriage will just have a shaky foundation.

Sitting down and honestly talking about your expectations will not sound like an exciting venture. However, this is an important conversation that needs to happen if you want to avoid painful surprises.

Don’t think that you can change your partner. If you are not able to negotiate important differences, know that these are the issues that will inevitably show up in your relationship and cause stress and crisis eventually. We encourage couples thinking about marriage to ask the questions we have discussed. You need to use your thinking (not feelings!) and you need to inquire about your differing values and life goals to save yourself from a preventable life of discord and disappointment.

Author Bio:

Dr. Barbara Grossman is a PhD marriage counselor with over 30 years of experience with 60,000+ client hours. Michael Grossman MD is an antiaging rejuvenation physician specializing in bioidentical hormone replacement and stem cell therapy. They have conducted marriage workshops for over 25 years to thousands of couples. They are the authors of The Marriage Map: The Road to Transforming Your Marriage from Ordeal to Adventure.

The post 6 Really Important Questions You Should Ask Before Getting Married appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

5 Signs You Need to Start Removing Toxic People

They say you become just like the company you keep. Therefore, picking and choosing friends is one of life’s most underrated skills.

Friends make or break you. The right group of friends will help you get through life and succeed while the wrong ones will hold you down and potentially destroy you.

Moving through life, you’ll encounter countless people, many of whom you will call your “friend” at one point in life. Unfortunately, not every friend stays. In fact, the average length of a friendship is said to only be around seven years.

Most often, friends come and go but there are few who stick around for better or worse.

Not everyone who sticks is good for the relationship. Sometimes you must make the difficult choice of removing toxic people for your personal well-being.

Recognize these five signs to help you make this choice.

You Feel Drained Each Time You Hang Out

toxic friends

When you’ve been friends for a while, you’ve likely had your fair share of good and bad moments. Friends are there for you during bad times and vice versa. But this doesn’t excuse friends who always seem to suck the energy out of you every time.

Friends like these are toxic. They are usually negative, judgmental, and seem to be using you as a personal therapist to deal with their issues. This is extremely draining.

Cut these types of “friends” off before their negativity rubs off on you. Have some respect for yourself. You are not a personal punching bag.

See Also: 8 Types of Toxic Friends That Are Holding Your Happiness Hostage

You Can’t Compromise on Personal Values

It’s necessary to have friends from all walks of life because they offer you different views and help you grow. However, there are friends who you will never see eye-to-eye with.

Initially, it may not be a problem dealing with these friends but as you move further in life, your personal differences may just be too big to ignore.

Compromising on things like what to eat or what to watch is one thing. But when you are dealing with differences in life choices, you can’t afford to be with someone who contradicts you too often.

You’re the Only One Doing the Work

It takes two to tango. Otherwise, you’re just dancing with yourself. The same theory applies to friendship.

When you start realizing that you’re the only one making any effort to hang out or talk, that’s a red flag that your friend doesn’t value your friendship as much as you do.

Life happens and sometimes we become busy and burdened by responsibilities. True friends will try to spend time with you. If they can’t do that, then it’s best to move on.

You Can’t Be Yourself Around Them

It can take a while for people to become comfortable. When you met your friends for the first time, you probably felt wary at first but once you gained each other’s trust, it was smooth sailing.

But if there are still people you don’t feel comfortable with even after knowing for a while, you should move on.

You can’t develop good chemistry with everyone. And it’s not a true friendship if you can’t be yourself around them.

One of You Develops Unrequited Romantic Feelings

unrequited romantic feelings

This is the toughest friendship to end because neither of you did anything wrong unless you count “catching feelings” wrong. When you or your friend becomes hopelessly smitten but the other doesn’t reciprocate, it becomes an awkward situation.

This is painful because you are ending what was once a great friendship.

Holding on will only be more tragic. Save yourselves from future drama and quit while you’re ahead. Maybe, when feelings aren’t as hot anymore, you can rekindle your friendship.

Identifying which friends to keep is a tough process but keep in mind these key points. Chances are, you are already subconsciously doing it. Being more aware of your feelings towards your friends and relationships can help you refine the company you keep.

The post 5 Signs You Need to Start Removing Toxic People appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Healing from A Heartache: How to Stop the Pain for Good

Someone you really love goes out of your life. You lose a part of yourself and your heart fills up with frustration, anxiety, and worry. At times like this, you think only about one thing- how to stop heartache?

Well, how to deal with it?

If physical pain is the pain in your body, then emotional pain is the pain in your soul. The healing process may take a little more time and effort. It’s a hard thing to go through. And, unfortunately, almost everyone knows what it is but not everyone knows how to move on from it.

Here are the best ways to remove emotional pain and feel free to enjoy life again.

Feel Your Pain

emotional pain

Emotional pain will vanish if you accept it. It seems so obvious but actually, it is the most difficult part of the healing process.

Let yourself experience some suffering for a little while because it’s normal to feel sad after breaking up with someone you loved. In such way, you can reboot and prepare yourself for something new.

Change Your Routine

A lot of things will remind you of your failed relationship.

To lessen the pain from such memories, you have to change your life a little bit. Change your habits, try new things or the way how you do things. Move furniture in your flat, listen to the new trend in music, and so on.

Let’s start right now as there isn’t any room in your new life for the person who broke your heart.

Communicate with People

Don’t ever try to live off the grid after breaking up. Conversely, you have to spend more time with your relatives, friends, and people who can really support you during this crucial phase.

You can help someone in need or those struggling with pain, too. It’ll give you the chance to spend time away from your grief and self-pity.

Try Meditation

meditation

Meditation is a good technique to stop emotional pain. It heals your soul and clears your mind of negative thoughts, which weaken your emotions and hurt your being. Through meditation, you’ll reach a pleasant state where you can visualize yourself happy, loving, and joyful again.

It allows you to reverse the physiological effects of your painful heartbreak, get rid of toxic emotions, and reopen the possibility of a new relationship.

Final Thoughts

Heartbreak is terrible and there’s no doubt about it!

However, it is in your hands to make this period a little bit easier. Don’t bet on a quick fix because you’ll need time to recover. Cure your heartache and realize that there’s no turning back.

Life goes on. Accept your pain but don’t dwell on it. Meditate to reprogram your brain but don’t withdraw into your shell. With those things, you’ll easily know how to stop heartache.

The post Healing from A Heartache: How to Stop the Pain for Good appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Taking The Mystery Out of Life: Why Humor Is Important

In one of his books, the late Dr. Wayne Dyer said:

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is.

Some persons attribute the quote to Einstein. Others reach back and give Buddha credit.

Regardless of who said it, there is really no middle ground where some things are miraculous and others, well, not so much. Too many people fall into the middle ground. Others believe in the existence of miracles as really taking place- if only rarely. Some are more jaded than others.

Plenty of people prefer to live with a sense of wonder because it’s more fun.

Life and everything in it are mysterious. Even tangible items, like science, is easier to understand than exploring life. Biology allows us to observe what is happening.

In life, we become active participants. We can only wonder how life works and accept the results with a touch of humor. We lean towards taking ourselves too seriously.

But, do you know why humor is important?

Keeping A Sense Of Humor

sense of humor

Life can’t be serious all the time and humor goes a long way in easing the pain. Being able to laugh is healthy for everyone.

When used correctly, humor can even defuse tense situations.

In a relationship, humor has been recognized as vitally important. Cultivating humor in a relationship requires both individuals to remain respectful. Marriage is not a stand-up routine or a witty repartee. A good marriage is two people playing with words where humor is not used as a weapon.

Contented people approach life and love with a finely tuned sense of humor. This isn’t about making jokes that rival Jimmy Fallon. It’s about seeing the funny side of being alive and reveling in everpresent humor. Life can be ironic, fun, and entertaining.

When you share humorous observations and are able to be silly and non-serious together, you’re open and vulnerable. You’re showing you are comfortable in your own skin and at ease with your partner.

There will be challenges and obstacles in life.

When a couple finds humor, things go much smoother. It may take some effort, but that’s alright. A sense of humor can keep the world balanced even if things feel like they are flying apart at the seams.

humor in relationships

See Also: 3 Ways To Inject More Humor Into Your Relationship

In a particularly challenging situation, you can make light of it and find humor. It’s a means of enjoying and appreciating each other’s support and company even in a position that is mostly crappy. Comedy is a form of relief in a stressful situation.

“A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life,” wrote William Arthur Ward, an American writer.

The post Taking The Mystery Out of Life: Why Humor Is Important appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

How To Survive A Broken Heart

I get asked how to survive a broken heart all the time and my response is always the same: piña coladas. This is why I am a relationship expert. I know so much about love that I can change Cupid’s diapers (he poops little peanut butter cups.)

This is a non-gender specific advice. If you’re a woman who has been done wrong, put that pint of ice cream down and pick up a piña colada. If you’re a man who’s been rejected, turn down the heavy metal music you’re playing and turn up the rum, pineapple juice, and coconut milk.

I’m not saying you should go out and drink so much you wake up fully clothed in the bathtub with a slice of pizza stuck to your face. Just simply use a piña colada as an airbag to create the collision a break-up creates. This famous tropical drink can transform the brass knuckles of rejection into marshmallow peeps.

It’s not a cure but a shortcut back to the highway of love.

Did he say “It’s not you, it’s me?” Has he ignored your last 15 texts?

Stop acting like there’s an alien lizard or worm living in your chest and you have minutes to live. This sucks but don’t insult the human heart. Thinking that it can’t take grief is like thinking the sky can’t support the stars. Just do what I tell you to do. Order a piña colada at a bar where there’s a jukebox playing funky tunes- a bar where there are members of the opposite sex so you can do some window shopping.

Touch with your eyelashes. But I seriously encourage chatting, winking, and making out. Every time two human beings kiss, a flower blooms somewhere in the world. Of course, that’s not true, but it’s a nice thought. I have never regretted making out with someone, only not making out.

how to deal a broken heart

It helps to think of your heart as a piece of steel- not chocolate or flesh or crepe paper. A shiny ball of steel which has a breaking point.

But have you ever seen steel forged?

It’s heated in a volcano hot furnace until it glows white. It’s so hot, the hard steel is malleable. Then, it’s hammered and smashed into shape.

Two pieces are clobbered to form one whole piece and then the steel is dumped into the water. Once it’s cool, it becomes extremely hard.

I’ve had my heart broken many, many times. And each time, I ended up stronger. My furnace? A piña colada. Maybe some Patsy Cline, a new friend for that moment.

Normally, as a dude, I don’t drink cocktails. I like my liquor to be liquor-flavored. My favorite beer is in a can. Cocktails seem to be designed to obscure the taste of liquor as if I drink it for the delicious flavor. I drink whiskey because, after a long day, I like my toes to be warm.

Adult beverages should not taste like candy. Cocktails are fundamentally dishonest, booze dressed up like Rainbow Brite. I don’t begrudge a lady who wants to enjoy a fruity drink, like an Appletini, a Chocolatini or Cheesecaketini. I’ll be having a bourbon.

However, I do make one exception to this rule: piña colada. If I get dumped, I shuffle right up to the bar and order a piña colada. Coconut mug? Yes. Umbrellas? Two. Cherries, orange slices, and pineapple chunks skewered on a plastic sword? Please.

Piña coladas taste like the beach. The ocean is just one giant, salty tear.

She cries with you and calms your fever with a frosty wet kiss. A piña colada is a vacation in a blender. It’s a sweet bubble. I have seen cowboys with faces hanging longer than curtains order a piña colada and five minutes later, you can see their hearts melting.

pina colada for a broken heart

All it takes is one. So, do it. If there’s a song coming, sing it. Can’t sing? Everybody can sing. The Power of the Colada compels you! Stomp your feet. Clap your hands. Unleash the Kraken!

You know how they say time heals all wounds? Piña colada can do the same thing. It heals and reinforces them. My heart is made out of airplanes and suspension bridges and ninja swords.

Final Thoughts

I know other relationship writers have tons of advice on this topic. But I’m inclined to think that advice is crap if it doesn’t involve a night where you force yourself to shower, put on pants without elastic waistbands, and venture out into public- actual public and not Facebook.

Facebook is not public. It’s a fun little website where advertisers own your private life and then sell it back to you. Public, as in, inhaling the molecules of other human beings. If your heart is currently broken and you’re of drinking age, then I insist that you enjoy a piña colada. Just drink responsibly and eat the fruit. It’s good for you.

The post How To Survive A Broken Heart appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Dating In Midlife: 5 Tips To Help You Get Started

When you are in your teens and twenties, dating didn’t seem overly complicated. It might have seemed awkward and occasionally stressful, but not overly complex in most cases.

Fast-forward to your 40s or 50s and now all of the rules have changed.

What used to be “Hey, you want to grab a beer?” or “Would you like to go to dinner and catch a movie?” now must often be coordinated around kids, jobs and even exes. That is if you even know anyone that is not only single but also interested in getting back into the romantic swing of things.

So, how do you get back to dating in midlife?

First, know that there are going to be challenges. Second, recognize that today’s day and age has made dating far more complex.

If you are finding yourself in your mid-years and back on the market probably after a long-term relationship or marriage, you are likely to be a little lost on how to meet eligible potential companions and how to handle things when you do.

If that is the case, check out the tips below to help you get started.

Spend some time thinking about what you want

midlife dating

If you are coming out of a marriage or long-term relationship, it would be smart to take some time before jumping back into things. Use this time to narrow down what you are really looking for.

Do you want a long-term, serious relationship or someone just for light companionship? Do you want someone to travel with or someone who is happy puttering around the house and watching movies?

People in this age differ so you should be clear with your desires. Don’t waste time or play games.

Know there will be baggage

In the 40s and 50s, people have already experienced many of life’s big moments. Most will probably have kids and even grandkids.

They will have developed habits, both good and bad, that you will have to accept. There may even be a relationship with an ex that you will have to get used to.

Be careful though.

If the divorce is new or they are just separated, you should exercise caution in dating. You are likely to say the same thing about yourself. With that, remember that acceptance is a two-way street.

Protect your finances

As everyone comes with baggage, they also come with a financial track record. This can be good and bad.

Regardless, when it comes to finances in your 40s and 50s, you have likely started or should have started laying the foundation for retirement and golden years. You may own a home and are hopefully on solid footing.

A new companion or romantic partner in your life should not derail your financial plans. It is probably wise to keep your finances separate. If you are considering a different arrangement, consult with a financial adviser to ensure the right decisions are being made for both of you.

Consider online options – but be careful

This is probably a new one and possibly feels uncomfortable depending on your age. But online dating has come a long way and can help you meet like-minded people. It also offers a population of people in similar circumstances all looking for companions.

Be careful though on just what sites you use. It is worth doing some research on the groups that target your age range and interests. Some will ask for a membership fee, so be sure that there are ample positive reviews and strong ratings by the Better Business Bureau before you pay.

And, as always, do not provide personal information beyond what is necessary for your site’s profile.

See Also: 5 Tips for Effective Online Dating

Think about hobbies, classes, professional affiliations, and friends

dating during midlife

If online dating is not for you or is just not working, consider broadening your horizons. Taking classes like cooking, trying a new hobby, or joining professional groups like Toastmasters or The Chamber of Commerce can expose you to potential new friends.

Whatever your circumstances, dating in midlife can be intimidating. Despite that, try to enjoy the process of meeting new people and the excitement of finding a new romance. Don’t get hung up with challenges. Those you are meeting are dealing with the same challenges and are probably experiencing the same range of emotions.

The post Dating In Midlife: 5 Tips To Help You Get Started appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

How Do You Heal A Broken Heart: 7 Surefire Tips You Can Use

What’s the most common trait of human beings?

It’s the capacity to fall in love.

Everyone experiences this intense sensation at least once in a lifetime. You go out and meet someone unique. There is an instant spark, your personalities coincide, your souls sync up, and you feel like two pieces of a puzzle joined together by destiny.

For a little while, this euphoria seems eternal. You’ll be together forever.

Unfortunately, all good things will eventually come to an end. This is the harsh reality of life unless you’re incredibly lucky to find that special someone you’ll be with forever.

But if you’re anything like the rest of us, you must have experienced a heartbreak already.

The heart is the seat of emotions. Every time it experiences extreme pleasure to extreme pain, it goes haywire and breaks up.

This phenomenon sends waves of depressions all over the body and freezes you.

You don’t want to get out of bed, eat anything, talk to anyone or even open the drapes to let some sunlight into your room.

This behavior is understandable yet quite unhealthy for your overall well-being.

So, how do you heal a broken heart and move on? How can you get back on your usual way of life? How can you start living life to its fullest again?

Go through the following healing tips to get an answer to these questions.

Accept the Reality

The period following a break-up is devastating. It is overruled by unruly thoughts and unfulfilled fantasies.

How could something like this happen to you? You loved someone with all your heart, and this is what you got in return. Did you deserve to be treated that way?

Listen to me.

This is not going to work out. Depression is an entrapping abyss from which only you can pull yourself out.

And the first step to getting out of that abyss starts with acceptance.

Accept that this has happened to you. Cut off all ties with the one who’s broken your heart.

Talk It Out

After acceptance comes expression.

You’re in pain – a lot. Everyone can see it written across your face.

Do not hold it in or it will smolder underground and eventually erupt in an untasteful manner. Instead, slowly let it out by talking to someone about it. That someone can be a complete stranger or a close friend.

Talk your pain out. Eject it from your system in any way possible. Do a creative catharsis.

Once it’s gone, you’ll find a deep cavity within yourself. The next step would be filling it with all the good things in the world.

Get Your Traveler’s Shoes On

broken heart healing tips

You feel parched like a plant deprived of nourishment. It’s time to put a distance between yourself and the place where you’ve found only misery.

How can you do that?

By putting your traveler’s shoes on and going on a life-changing journey.

Pack light, book your flight and behold the beautiful sights all across the world. Trek through rainforests, go mountain climbing and soak yourself in soothing natural spas.

Gain new experiences to get over the past painful one. You can do this!

Watch Empowering Movies

If you don’t feel like leaving your room, then how about you travel the world virtually?

Indulge yourself in other people’s stories, relive their accounts, relate to their grievances and joys and you’ll get over your own.

One of the best ways to do that is by watching movies. Use your brand new Xfinity TV for this purpose and stream self-empowering movies in HD. In addition to this, you can watch comedy movies, too.

Change Your Style

When you’re going through a heartbreak, you tend to question everything about yourself. This line of thought can endanger your very identity, damage your self-confidence, and lead you to a self-deprecating despair.

You should not let this happen.

Bring a positive change in your style. Let go of everything pulling you down. Get a new hairstyle, buy some new clothes, and basically treat yourself.

This positive change in your appearance will bring a positive change in your personality. You’ll definitely feel much better after.

Pick Up a Productive Hobby

Fix your attention on a new activity.

Go to the gym and exercise your heart out. Work on your body by taking up 30-day challenges or you can learn a musical instrument. Take art and crafts classes and create unique works of your own.

Yoga and meditation is another way to centralize your focus and let out the suppressed pain. You can write in your journal, too.

Anything to divert and discipline your raging thoughts and feelings will be beneficial for you.

Get a Pet

tips on healing a broken heart

You’ve lost a companion. How about you gain another one?

Go to the nearest pet store or adoption house and purchase a cat, a dog, a parrot – whatever suits you best. A pet in your life can bring an unfathomable amount of joy.

Once you actualize the aforementioned tips, getting over a heartbreak won’t seem like such a huge task. Remember: there’s always a silver lining behind a dark cloud.

See Also: How A Broken Heart Can Be Your Biggest Teacher

The post How Do You Heal A Broken Heart: 7 Surefire Tips You Can Use appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

How to Successfully Get Back Together After A Break Up

Karen felt hopeful when she and her ex-boyfriend initially got back together. After a stormy breakup and a painful month apart, they gradually began to communicate with one another. It was healing for her to be able to finally get all that was unsaid out into the open.

For the first time in a very long while, Karen felt listened to. It also seemed that her boyfriend was open, honest, and that they were figuring things out.

Now that they’ve settled as a couple again, her hopes and positive attitude about the future of her relationship are fading. While a few of the agreements that Karen and her boyfriend made to bolster trust and healthy communication have continued, many of their old and disconnecting habits have resurfaced.

It’s starting to feel like “business as usual” and Karen doesn’t like that at all. She’s beginning to wonder if getting back together was a big mistake.

Reuniting with your ex can be a joyous time, but it can also bring with it doubts, fears, and more of the same dynamics that tore you apart in the past.

The Extra Baggage

We all bring emotional baggage to our relationships.

When your emotional baggage is from your past relationship with your current partner, things can get confusing. Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself reacting to your partner in a more intense way because of something that happened long ago and before you broke up.

Aside from these expectations and the baggage from the past, there is a good possibility that you and your partner will fall into habitual patterns. Humans tend to do what we’re most accustomed to doing– this happens in relationships, too.

When we get triggered, tense or tired, we revert back to those habits that we know so well- even those that have not been in our (or our relationship’s) best interests in the past.

Before you consider a reunion, here are the best tips on how to successfully get back together after a break-up.

Identify what makes you two apart

identify relationship problem

At first glance, it might seem obvious to you that your partner’s dishonesty, inability to communicate, blocks to intimacy, flirting, and jealousy are what’s ripping you two apart again.

It’s best if you take a deeper and broader look. It’s probably your partner’s or your habits that are causing the problem. However, there’s most likely a lot more going on, too.

Set an intention to be an observer and not a critic. Then, pay closer attention to how you and your partner interact on a day-to-day basis and when stressful or triggering situations arise.

Notice what happens to communication, intimacy, trust, and more. Think about what happens when your partner appears to have closed down to you.

For the moment, try to understand the dynamics between the two of you. Your goal is to figure out what leads you to move further away from one another so that you can make some changes.

Own your share of the disconnecting habits

Once you have a clearer and broader picture of what’s potentially taking you and your partner away from one another, take responsibility.

Let’s be clear here.

We’re NOT encouraging you to take the blame or to let your partner “off the hook.” This won’t help your relationship. What you have the most control over is what YOU think, say, and do. That’s why this is such a powerful place for insight and action.

Be the observer for a little while longer and notice how you’re contributing to the problems in your relationship. You may not be the one starting the arguments but you’re probably making things more heated.

Stepping back and watching your own behaviors can be transformational to you and to your relationship.

Stay focused on what you DO want

focus on relationship wants

This is a time to clear up your past and let it go. Holding onto resentments and allowing unresolved conflicts to build is only going to hurt your relationship in the long run. Do what you need to do to be more present and aware of your relationship.

Be honest with yourself. If it has become apparent that staying together is unwise and that it would be better for you and your partner to end your relationship and remain apart, honor that.

But if you and your mate are truly willing to do what it takes to create the kind of relationship you both want and you see signs that changes are happening, here’s what we urge you to do…

Make sure you are orienting yourselves toward what you DO want.

Instead of hiding the truth, make a genuine promise to speak honestly and openly and do it.

Rather than telling one another that you will stop yelling and arguing, set up some “ground rules” that are reasonable for how you WILL communicate respectfully as you resolve conflicts. Then, put them into practice.

This kind of a shift in perspective can be subtle, but the effects make a big difference.

See Also: 5 Signs Your Romantic Relationship Is Worth Fighting For

The post How to Successfully Get Back Together After A Break Up appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

What to Say to Someone Who Cheated On You

If your worst fears have been confirmed and you have discovered that your partner is cheating on you, you are probably wondering what to do now. There is likely some part of you that wants to find a way to inflict as much pain as possible on the cheater, but is that really the best way to handle things? Probably not.

So, what do you do?

Take a look at the tips below to help you get your thoughts in order before you approach your partner.

Let it out

let out feelings

Take some time to express your thoughts and emotions but not to your partner yet. Cry, scream, break a plate, and do whatever will make you feel better. No matter which you choose, do it on your own and in private.

What you are feeling can be overwhelming and potentially lead you to destructive, emotionally driven actions. They will not gain you the results you need so, allow yourself to fully express your emotions first.

Stop and think

Once you’ve expressed your feelings in private, sit down and give some thought to your situation.

Did you see this coming? Were there signs along the way? Did the cheating happen for reasons that you can determine?

Consider the evidence

Now, think about what evidence you have.

Is it irrefutable? Could there be any chance that you have misunderstood the situation?

If you are certain that things are as they seem, you will need to make plans for your next steps.

Evaluate your past and future

Time to reflect upon your relationship. You became a couple for a reason but are the things that brought you together still there in any way? Is this the first time this has happened or have you been through this in the past?

Consider what you had wanted for your future. If the infidelity had not occurred, where did you see your future together?

What do you want

Aside from hurting your partner in some comparable way, think about what you want to do next. If you have a family and a life together, considering what you want now and in the future is crucial.

Keep in mind that keeping your marriage together after an affair is possible. Getting past it will take work but it can be done. But, is that what you want?

Write it down

Writing things down offers several benefits for you. Moving through your thoughts and feelings as you put them on paper or a screen will help you sort them out. It will also allow you to approach a conversation more calmly and in a more prepared manner than if you just start talking.

Talk

talk it out

Set a schedule where both of you can focus in an uninterrupted way as this conversation will not be easy. Know ahead of time that emotions will run high and you will have to do your best to stay calm and rational about things.

There is no way to determine how a conversation like this will go. It is possible that it may not go well at all. It is also likely that in order to get through things, you will need to seek the help of a professional counselor.

In Conclusion

There are many couples who are able to work through cheating and come out stronger and closer.

If you have found yourself in this situation, try using the above tips as a guide to get started. Be open to seeking counseling if needed and be committed to making things work.

See Also: How to Rebuild A Relationship After Cheating

The post What to Say to Someone Who Cheated On You appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

How Does A Divorce Work With A Child?

Sometimes, even the best-laid plans unravel and fall apart. This is true with any relationship, including the relationship where you share a child. When children are involved, the steps to ending a relationship become more complex.

So, how does a divorce work with a child?

Getting started

child custody

Figuring out the child custody rules and regulations within your area is vital. Having a knowledgeable and capable family law attorney is crucial to the process.

Family law is different. It has far more rules and regulations than the criminal law. The burden of proof isn’t upon just one person. Instead, it is upon the person who is requesting for the custodial rights. That person has to prove that he’s more capable, reliable, and responsible.

More often than not, that means both parents need to prove themselves. The process won’t be quick and easy. It can take months and even years.

Tips On Handling Divorce When You Have A Child

1. Knowledge is key

Knowing what to do will help you through this difficult time. Having a lawyer can make things easier for you.

2. Prove that you’re the better parent

This isn’t the easiest thing to do.

Anything you say will be recorded. If you fabricate stories or tell lies, expect those things to backfire on you.

Now, if you’re sure that the other parent won’t do any good to your child, make your lawyer aware of it. Having proofs to back up your claim will also be helpful at this point. Be open to your lawyer so you can plan how you can use those proofs to your advantage.

3. Have your documents ready

Be prepared. If you expect to move out of the state, have your children’s documents ready. Keep a record of their school activities so you can easily use them when transferring.

Apart from that, you should also have your work history or proof of residence ready in case the court asks where you will be transferring. These documents are also helpful in proving your capability to provide for your child’s needs.

4. Try to come to terms with the other parent

Doing so can make the proceedings go faster, cheaper, and with less stress.

Your attorney will inform you all about the different types of custody agreements. The most common are those where the child resides with one parent weekly and spends weekends with the other parent.

Another common form of custody, which has become more popular as of late, is known as shared parenting. This is where the child spends half a month with each parent. This type of custody requires more communication. If you’re on good terms, then that won’t be an issue.

5. Don’t be afraid to have a discussion

There is nothing wrong with being passionate but remember that this isn’t about you anymore. This is about your child. Whether you like it or not, the person you are arguing with will be in your life for no less than 18 years. The less difficult you make it, the better things will be in the years to come.

talking child custody

In Conclusion

Remember that no matter how hard things get or how confusing the process becomes, rely on your family law attorney to help you through the court proceedings. He will help you find a way for your child to have a relationship with both parents.

Although your relationship with your partner is ending, it doesn’t mean that your child’s relationship with his parent has to end, too. It is your duty to make sure that your child still gets to enjoy a quality time with his parents.

See Also: 5 Legal Issues To Consider And Address Before A Divorce

The post How Does A Divorce Work With A Child? appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Going on A Date? 6 Tips In Planning A Cruise for The First Time

So, you have spotted that perfect girl that makes your heart race every time you see her. You asked her out on a date and she said yes. Now, the next thing is to plan a perfect date that will impress her and get her to think some nice things about you.

One of your best options is a dinner cruise.

If you’re looking for an exhilarating way to see London’s riverside sights, then opt for a high-speed RIB cruise on the Thames River. In a rigid inflatable boat, soar past the Houses of Parliament, the London Eye, and Shakespeare’s Globe while listening to a high-octane soundtrack.

Thinking about whether you ought to get an inside lodge or an overhang room?

Try not to sweat it. Galleries are extraordinary but inside lodges can be great, too.

If these things and planning a cruise for the first time overwhelm you, here are a few tips you can use.

Plan

plan a cruise

You need to plan how everything is going to go. Women like men who are organized and know what they are doing.

You need to know what will happen throughout that day so that you do not disappoint her. This way, your woman can be relaxed when she is with you since she knows that you have everything under control.

Get some money

Figure out how much money you are going to spend on the date and make sure that you have enough. You can try saving up for a couple of weeks to get all the cash that you need. Remember to stop by the ATM before you leave.

Let her know ahead of time

You have to call her in advance so that she can plan and prepare herself. If you wait until the last minute to inform her of your plans, she might already have made other plans.

Let her know the date and the time that she should be ready. You can also let her know where you are taking her so that she’ll be able to dress appropriately. This way, you won’t embarrass her.

Send her a reminder on that date or the day before so she won’t forget.

Show up on time

If you are picking her up, show up at her door on time. Do not keep her waiting endlessly without telling her where you are. If you are going to be late, call ahead of time and let her know. However, don’t be too early as she might probably not be ready yet.

When you see her, make sure to tell her that she looks good. Most women spend a lot of time and money in prepping for a date. Show appreciation for all the effort she put in.

The drive

On your way to your dinner, you can talk in the car or you can listen to some music. If you want to listen to music, keep it classy and play some soft music so that you can relax and enjoy each other’s company.

At the date

dinner cruise

Keeping things simple is one of the best rules in planning a cruise for the first time. Talk to your date and enjoy her company. Make sure that you are the one who pays. If she offers to pay, turn her down nicely.

The post Going on A Date? 6 Tips In Planning A Cruise for The First Time appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

10 Possible Reasons Why You’re Always Not Good Enough

Have you ever felt like you’re not good enough? Have you ever questioned yourself why you’re not appreciated and valued for who you are?

Well, let me tell you what I think.

1. You’re constantly comparing and measuring your standards of success against others.

“So what If I’ve graduated with a Bachelors degree, people are graduating with Masters and PhDs, I’m just not smart enough; I’m never gonna get a good job.”

2. When you don’t take care of your health, you feel like crap and you underperform.

Imagine this:

You only slept two hours the night before and you tried to work out the next morning. No matter how hard you try, you couldn’t lift as heavy as your last record. You start to think that you are deteriorating and you’re never going to improve.

See Also: Importance Of Sleep: How It Can Put Your Health In Serious Jeopardy

3. You complain that you’re not good enough but you don’t do anything to change.

You still continue doing the same shit every day that makes you mediocre.

always complaining

“Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.”– Jim Rohn

4. You think you should be like Wonder Woman and be good at everything.

Well, you don’t have to, because you never will. This brings me to my next point.

5. You are a self-proclaimed perfectionist and big-time procrastinator.

“If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done.” ― Ecclesiastes 11:4

6. You’re constantly thinking about the ‘What If’s’ but you don’t look at your current assets and how you can work them to your advantage.

7. You try to do everything but give up everything in the process.

You don’t have a goal or a list of things you want to achieve. You’re constantly stuck and feeling lost.

8. You’re not fully present when you’re working on something.

After you’ve completed a task, you don’t even remember what you did.

9. You don’t want to admit that you’re just a lazy prick and you’re not willing to put in the effort to succeed because acknowledging that makes you feel worse about yourself.

being lazy

10. You constantly think that you’re not good enough.

“What you think, you become.” – Buddha

By now, you must be thinking:

“Well, this girl sounds like she’s giving me advice because she’s got everything in one piece and is living out her life purpose which is making a difference in people’s lives by doing what she’s good at…”

Hell, no.

This girl is very aware what it feels like to never be good enough. However, despite that, she’s still trying to get out of her hole.

She scrolls through Instagram looking at her friend’s post about a pretty unicorn smoothie bowl he made and she thinks: “I have a degree in food nutrition and I can’t make stuff like that… I’m not healthy enough.”

She goes to Cross-fit class and she sees others doing pull-ups and handstands and she thinks: “I’ve been working out for donkey years and I still can’t do any of those… I’m not fit enough.”

She and her friend go traveling together and she sees her friend being the one connecting with people along the way and she thinks: “I can’t talk like that…I’m not sociable enough.”

And as she is in the process of writing an article, she thinks: “Why am I even spending my time doing this, I’m not…”

I’m not enough. I can’t.

You get the gist.

Final Words

If you don’t feel the same way, kudos to you. Keep it up!

If you do, then know that you’re not alone in facing this ‘fear’ of imperfection, of never being good enough.

I’m not here to offer pity or start preaching that you should change and start thinking positively.

Don’t get me wrong.

I’m just hoping to be able to offer some comfort and make you feel comforted as well.
There’s no room for judgment here. Only understanding.

Oh, and ice cream.

Join me for ice cream? I’m thinking cookies and cream. What about you?

The post 10 Possible Reasons Why You’re Always Not Good Enough appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

How to Heal From Divorce Through Writing

Most people who have been through a divorce would probably find it one of the most challenging times in their lives. It’s a time of grief, mourning, upheaval, and changes that you never dreamed you’d have to make. Social support, emotional support, and self-care are completely important during this painful transition.

For centuries, writing has been used to express people’s deepest feelings and find meaning and purpose in their lives. By using well-thought-out prompts, you can do the same thing and experience the benefits of expressive writing.

Introspective writing, for example, can help lift up your spirit. It can also benefit you emotionally and physically.

Writing can help you in practical ways as well. How?

Below are some great examples:

Sharing the news

For one, you can use it to plan how you are going to tell your family and friends about your impending divorce.

It can be uncomfortable and awkward for everyone involved. This makes it critical that you carefully plan how you’re going to tell them the news.

Try writing about how you would like your divorce to be perceived. You will probably need a page or more to explore this in writing. Eventually, you’ll be able to narrow it down to a sentence or two.

Focus on what you would like the divorce to be like and decide how much you are willing to share with different people. You will have different versions for the children and for family and friends.

Preparing your answers

Children will need to know concrete facts, like where are they going to live and how often they will see each parent. Anticipate the questions they might have and plan your answers.

For friends, focus on the ideal way that you are aiming for. You might say something like, “Peter and I have been struggling in our marriage for a long time and we have decided to get a divorce. We would like to remain friends.”

However you decide to word it, practicing on paper will help make conveying this difficult message easier.

Forgiving yourself

You can also support yourself during this time by writing a letter to yourself, expressing encouragement and love.

It is vital that you forgive yourself for your part in the dissolution of your marriage. And also give the assurance that you can successfully move forward. Then self-address, stamp, and mail it!

Another enlightening exercise is to sit down and write the complete story of your marriage, with a beginning, middle, and end. Do it in a few short sessions as it can be overwhelming.

Forgiving your ex

As you write the story, remember that the good memories are still yours to cherish. And feel the relief that the bad times will soon be over.

writing about divorce

It is vitally important that you begin to forgive your ex – no matter how hard that may be. There is a Buddhist saying that holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else – you are the one who gets burned.

Planning your future

Most importantly, when writing the history of your marriage, do not end the story with the divorce as that isn’t where your story ends!

Extend this story into your future, describing how resilient you inherently are and how bright your future will be. Detail what you learned from your mistakes and how your next relationship will be different. Then, go on to describe your ideal future!

See Also: How To Overcome Negative Emotions Using 5 Writing Techniques

The very best way to heal is to begin living your dreams. So, list your goals in the next five years and what you would like your life to look like ten years down the road. And when you are ready, list baby steps you can take to realize those goals.

Expressing gratitude

Finally, one of the simplest but most powerful practices is to write a daily gratitude list.  As I wrote in my book Write For Recovery:  

write for recovery

No matter how bad your life is at any given point, even in the worst of times, there are always things for which we can be grateful. A practice of appreciating the good things in your life nurtures feelings of optimism and joy. It also gets your ego out of the way so your spirit can shine.

A minute of gratitude is like a vacation for your heart and mind. And just as the runner gets a second wind and is stronger with every run, gratitude is strengthened by repeated effort.”

The act of acknowledging our blessings has been shown to increase serotonin and dopamine, the feel-good neurotransmitters in our brains. A practice of appreciating the good things in your life nurtures feelings of optimism and joy.

A minute of gratitude is like a vacation for your heart and mind. You cannot hold anger at your ex and bemoan your past while you are busy being consciously grateful for all the precious little gifts in your life!

See Also: The Magic of Appreciation: How to Practice Gratitude

The post How to Heal From Divorce Through Writing appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

6 Simple Things That Women Want From Men

There is a lot of confusion and mystery when the topic of what women want arises. Most men think that women are so incredibly complicated that knowing what they want is nearly impossible. That is not necessarily the case. Actually, in most cases, it’s pretty simple.

Women, like men, differ from each other. There are, however, some things that are common among them.

If you are wondering what those things are, check out this handy guide on what women want.

Respect

Aretha said it well.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Women want to be respected.

That is true for most people on the planet, but women have expressed that they often feel less respected by their partners than they would like to be. It is possible that, as men, we forget that the respect women are referring to is larger than showing good manners in their presence.

Women and men are intellectually equal and just as capable as one another at most tasks. Yet, as men, we often try to take over, control or disregard their contributions not just in the workplace but in relationships, too.

A good rule of thumb is to consider the respect you would like and then show that same level of respect to the women in your life.

Attention

women wants attentionMost women like attention. So, make it a habit to practice touching, hugging, and talking about the little things that happened during the day. These things can help keep you connected to your partner.

Take note that it’s perfectly fine to ask for the same things even if you’re a man.

Honesty

Honesty goes hand-in-hand with respect and is a non-negotiable in a healthy relationship. Practice respect for your partner by being honest at all times.

She is an adult and if she asks you a question, whether it is about her appearance, behavior, or anything else – be honest with her.

Fun

When you stop to think about why people get into a relationship, you’ll probably think about love, kids or growing old together. But, if you really consider it, you start a relationship because you have fun with the other person.

Something about being together makes you happy and that really never changes. Girls and women really do want to have fun.

See Also: Friendship’s Day Special: Why Friendship Makes Marriage More Fun

Sex and Romance

women wants sex and romance

Yes, I said sex. Women want sex, too.

However, don’t overlook the romance. Although women can be just as visual and just as physically motivated to have sex as men, they consider it a personal experience associated with love. This makes incorporating romance into the equation a crucial piece to keeping your sex life active.

Romance can stand alone. It doesn’t always have to lead to sex. In other words, don’t expect to hit the sheets every time you bring home flowers.

See Also: Four Ways to Help Your Guy Get A Clue About Romance

Acceptance

We all desire this, don’t we?

Women feel a great deal of pressure to fit whether it involves their appearance or behavior. The open secret is that they don’t like that.

The woman in your life has flaws. As long as they are not detrimental to her health, safety or your relationship, try to accept her the way she is. As much as men accuse women of trying to change them, men can be just as bad.

I am sure you don’t want to constantly be told to change, so don’t do that to her.

The post 6 Simple Things That Women Want From Men appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

How to Rebuild A Relationship After Cheating

Finding out that your partner has betrayed your trust is completely devastating. You begin to question the entire relationship, struggle with feelings that you’re not good enough and, above all, wonder whether or not the damage can be repaired.

One thing that can offer you at least a sliver of comfort?

If you’ve been cheated on, you’re not alone.

In fact, in 1/3 of marriages, one or both couples have committed some form of cheating during their relationship.

While there are countless articles encouraging you to dump your cheating partner, there are also resources to help you out in case you decide to give your relationship a second try.

After all, if Beyonce and Jay-Z were able to do it, then why can’t the two of you?

If you’ve decided to stay with your partner after being cheated on, then you need to know what it really takes to heal.

Read on to find out how to rebuild a relationship after cheating.

Take Some Time Apart

cheating time apart

Finding out that you’ve been cheated on can lead to some serious fights between you and your partner.

These fights quickly stop becoming productive. Once that happens, they will start to take cruel turns that can make it a lot harder for you to move on. If you’re still living together or spending time together in the same environment, consider moving out. It will be impossible to resist the temptation to cut your partner down or to beg for forgiveness.

Whether you’ve been cheated on or if you’re the one doing the cheating, you owe it to both yourself and your partner to spend a few days away from each other.

First, you’ll be able to clear your mind. Secondly, you’ll be able to seek the support and advice of your friends. It will also help you remove yourself from a toxic environment.

So, book that dream Airbnb or just spend a few nights crashing on your friend’s couch.

Consider Counseling

Improving communication with your partner after being cheated on is one of the most important things you can do in order to heal.

To ensure that both sides are heard and that the difficult questions are addressed honestly, it’s a good idea to have a therapist to play as a mediator and to offer objective advice.

To find local counseling therapists in your area, you can search online or ask your friends if they know someone who can help.

Remember, cheating is often caused by underlying issues in your relationship. It can even be a consequence of the emotional imbalance of your partner. It’s important to tackle these problems head-on if you want to rebuild trust.

Resist The Urge To Snoop

20% of men go through texts and pictures while in a relationship.

If you’ve been cheated on, the desire to spy on your partner can be incredibly strong. While it might feel satisfying or offer a sense of relief if you don’t find anything, it’s important to think bigger.

Remember that spying on your partner indicates a serious lack of trust. If you truly want to move on after infidelity, then you need to learn how to trust your partner again.

This starts by resisting the urge to check their messages on social media.

Remember, It’s A Process

relationship process

When things are good with your partner, it can be tempting to throw the past out of the window and return to your previous routines. It can also be challenging to stick around if the changes you want to see aren’t happening fast enough.

Give your partner a chance to improve and give yourself the time to heal. Remember that recovery after infidelity is a process. If you treat it like a race, you’ll both end up losing.

The post How to Rebuild A Relationship After Cheating appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

5 Signs Your Romantic Relationship Is Worth Fighting For

Is your relationship worth fighting for? Is the stress of the struggle worth it?

If you are currently in a romantic relationship or marriage and you’re having doubts about whether to fight for it or not, there are a few ways to tell.

Here are 5 signs that you can put away the white flag and salvage your relationship.

You Mean It When You Say, “It’s Not You, It’s Me”

relationship

Yes, this phrase is one of the most cliché break-up excuses. Cliché or not, looking at your own, personal intimacy issues can provide great insight into your current relationship.

Maybe your issues have nothing to do with the love and companionship your partner offers. Maybe it has something to do with your own emotional baggage.

Are you seeing a pattern in your relationship turmoil? Are the same issues that ended your last relationship haunting this one?

What’s the common denominator?

Yep, you guessed it right – it’s you.

Though I’m painting a pretty dismal picture, all hope is not lost.

If the only problems plaguing your current relationship are deeply rooted in your own insecurities, the first step is to acknowledge them. Take a step back and examine how these personality traits are affecting your relationship. You’d be surprised to see how a few slight changes to your state of mind, communication tactics or displays of affection can change things for the better.

You’re Willing to Put in the Work

Do thoughts of attending a couples retreat or counseling turn your stomach? Do your palms get sweaty and blood pressure rise when you and your loved one are left in a room together?

If working to save your relationship sounds like too much work, then it’s probably time to move on.

But if you can clearly see salvageable pieces of your broken puzzle or if you can still easily name at least five admirable qualities about your partner, there may be hope.

So, make a list and include pros and cons of you two as a couple and your partner individually. You might be surprised to discover that one awesome ‘pro’ can actually outweigh a long list of ‘cons’ or the other way around.

If you’re willing to work things out, then the relationship is definitely worth fighting for.

See Also: When to Say Fuck It and STAY in Relationship

The Thought of Ending Things Makes You Sick

Maybe it’s jealousy. Maybe it’s possessiveness.

Whatever it is, if the thought of your partner moving on or moving out turns your stomach, then you’re probably not ready to end things.

Ending a toxic relationship usually leaves you with a feeling of freedom, release, and peace of mind. All these feelings are a good indication that you made the right decision.

Sleepless nights and conflicted emotions, on the other hand, mean the opposite. If your heart and mind are torn over whether to end things, you should probably give it another shot.

There’s no worse feeling in this world than regret. Avoid the “what if” by giving things another try.

You Only Threaten to Break Up When You’re Mad

romantic relationship

We all say things when we’re mad and sometimes, it can get ugly. You blurt out things you later wish you could take back.

Often times, people use idle threats and make empty promises in the heat of an argument.

Have you ever threatened to leave only to go around the corner for a beer and return home after cooling off? Or promised to never name call again only to forget your promise during the very next fight?

If the only time you can think of leaving your partner or ending the relationship is when you’re angry or high on adrenaline, then it’s likely an irrational and superficial emotion. This means you should pause for further consideration.

You Can Imagine a Future Together

People say things like “I can’t live without you”, but do they really mean it?

If you can’t imagine your life without your partner, then you have a great foundation to work with.

When you have a solid relationship, talking about the future is important.

Some people depend their life plans on their partners. They will plan their life, career choices, and thoughts about kids based on their significant others.

For you, do your long-term goals all include your partner? Can you not imagine purchasing a home or growing old with anyone else? Even when times are tough and the two of you can’t seem to get on the same page, do you still foresee a future together?

If your answer is yes, then the two of you should be willing to work through whatever issues you are having.

See Also: 7 Best Secrets To Building Lasting Relationships

Closing Thoughts

Now that you know that your romantic relationship is worth saving, you can take the necessary steps.

Keep the lines of communication and your mind open. Try not to go on the defensive when your partner expresses concern or worry about your relationship status. Don’t jump the gun and call things off at the first sign of trouble.

Yes, relationships take work but if it’s a relationship worth saving, it will feel less like work and more like an investment in your future.

 

The post 5 Signs Your Romantic Relationship Is Worth Fighting For appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Written By Him: How To Handle A Break Up

Whether you were expecting it, initiating it or it just came out of the blue, handling a break-up like a man can be really difficult. It doesn’t matter if it’s the best thing for you or if you cared about her at all, there is going to be pain when things are over.

So, is coping really different for men than for women?

Well, the answer to that is yes and no.

Emotions are emotions and recognizing how you are feeling is important. If you try to ignore your feelings, then they are likely to surface somewhere else and become destructive.

To help you cope with a breakup, below are some tips to get you through the hard times.

Do not try drowning your sorrows

You hear stories all the time of men crying and drinking alcohol just to forget. Skip this technique. Alcohol is a depressant and is far from lifting your spirits. It is more likely to make you feel worse both physically and emotionally.

And with impaired judgment, you’ll be at a higher risk of getting involved in destructive behaviors. Drunken one-night-stands or emotionally driven bar brawls will not get you through a breakup.

Consider getting back to the gym

go to the gym

Or if you are already there, consider taking on a new challenge. Training for a half-marathon or setting a new goal for bench press can provide a healthy physical outlet for your anxiety and emotional stress. Being physically active is also a great way to clear your head. So, drag your sad self into the gym.

Don’t start booty calling through your contact list

Really, this is a pathway to trouble on many levels. In most cases, women are looking for more than an hour of your time and after a breakup, you are not likely to be in the condition for that.

And there’s a long list of negative consequences when it comes to jumping in and out of bed with people. The last thing you want is to need an antibiotic or to be researching the latest in crib features.

Spend time with friends

have fun with friends

Guy friends, couple friends or a female friend – anyone who cares about you and that you enjoy being with is a good bet during this time. You may feel like you would rather be alone but override that desire and spend time with people. You don’t have to get too involved in discussing your feelings with them.

Let yourself have a good cry

It goes against all masculinity rules but crying is a natural response to sadness and can be very cathartic. You don’t need to do this in front of other people.

Don’t give in to the desire to text and call repeatedly

That nagging inclination to call or text your ex will always be there.

Maybe the break-up was a mistake, right? If you could just talk it out, maybe things will be fine again.

No.

You broke up for a reason and whether it was the right reason or the wrong one, you both need some time to gain perspective. Repeatedly calling will not make things better. In fact, it can make things worse.

Take care of yourself

Many people experience physical symptoms associated with intense emotions. Some people can’t eat, feel physically ill or can’t sleep. Others overeat, abuse alcohol or other substances or sleep all the time. None of these are healthy options.

Try to ensure you have the right nutrition and make sure you get 7 to 8 hours of sleep at night.

See Also: What To Do After A Break Up: A Handbook For Every Newly Single Guy

Conclusion

Very few of us get through life without a heartbreak. If you have ever loved someone, then you have taken the risk of getting your heart broken through a breakup. Try and remember that everything will be alright in time. While that time is passing, you need to do what you can to ensure you are ready when your next opportunity for love comes around.

 

The post Written By Him: How To Handle A Break Up appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Mastering The Beautiful But Difficult Art Of Letting Go

“The key to being happy is knowing you have the power to choose what to accept and what to let go.” – Dodinsky

Fears, doubts, past events, unpleasant memories, bad conversations – these are some of the factors that contribute to our unhappiness.

Our mind has the tendency to hold onto those things for long, creating misery. For instance, if someone said bad words to you, your mind will keep on clinging to it until another event happens.

Unless you learn how to let things go, you won’t be able to embrace every moment of life and live it to the fullest. You won’t be able to enjoy even the world’s best luxuries.

In this article, you’ll learn the best tips for mastering the art of letting go.

Learn to Accept Before You Learn How to Let Things Go

More than half of our problems begin when we start questioning the things around us. For instance, suppose you are stuck in a bad traffic jam and there’s no way out for you.

There are two ways in which you can handle this scenario.

You could start yelling at people and vent out your frustration but this can make things even worse. Or you could keep calm and use this time to do some thinking. You could sit quietly and enjoy the music being played on the FM.

Now, what usually happens?

We choose to react negatively to the things around us. When thoughts bother us or a past event troubles us, we start questioning, explaining or justifying it. This leads to more chaos and confusion.

The best thing you can do at any moment is to accept it as it is.

When you accept it, your mind comes to rest immediately. With a stable state of mind, you can decide what can be done to make the situation better. Such decisions usually never end up in regret or guilt. Also, accepting things can help you to move on quickly from events and situations.

Remember Death

letting go

What are you really holding onto? How long will you hold onto it?

In all those moments when you find it difficult to let go, just remember that one day this is all going to be over. This very realization takes away the stiffness in your mind and body. When you remember death, you are able to honor life.

There are many people who have come before you, had been in the same situation as you and may have even left the world by now. So, there’s no point in worrying or holding onto things. Enjoy the moment you have now and just let go!

Have Faith

What keeps us from letting go of our anxieties and fears? It’s the lack of faith.

Lack of faith leads to insecurities and fears in us. That’s why faith is the biggest blessing you can ask for. With faith and confidence that you will get what you need at the right time, you can easily let go of your fears and worries.

We all have experienced this at some point.

There have been moments when you badly needed money and somebody out of nowhere came to help you. Whenever you need some help, someone always finds a way to be there for you.

That’s because of faith, isn’t it? So, have faith and let go!

Meditate Regularly

meditate regularly

Meditation is a highly recommended activity for mastering the art of letting go and living in the present moment. Meditation helps you get rid of negative emotions, stress, and everything that bothers you. It gives you the power to channel your thoughts in a positive direction.

Practicing meditation twice a day keeps you away from impressions, events, and happenings in the outer world. It helps you stay in the present moment and do your tasks with sincerity and dedication.

See Also: The Profound Effects Of Meditation On The Mind

Bottom Line

With practice and patience, you will eventually learn how to let things go, particularly those that bother you. You’ll realize that anxiety and fear are not worth your precious time and peace of mind.

Let go of things and be happy right now!

See Also: 12 Stressful Things To Let Go Of If You Want To Live A Calm Life

The post Mastering The Beautiful But Difficult Art Of Letting Go appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

Are You Too Complacent In A Relationship?

Do you remember when you would check the mirror, adjust your hair and perhaps, put on cologne before seeing your mate? You wanted to put your best foot forward to make sure you would impress and attract.

Now, let’s be real.

After a few years in a relationship, we become so comfortable with one another that a lot of those little details don’t happen anymore.

Becoming complacent in a relationship is a double-edged sword. It shows that the love is unconditional and that our partner accepts us for who we are, good things and bad. The problem, however, is that you no longer put the effort you were giving before. When we start acting as though those details don’t matter anymore, a lot of things in the relationship change.

Now, if you are starting to worry about being complacent in a relationship, check these signs below.

You no longer hide the array of sounds (and smells) that your body produces

You may be thrilled that your relationship is close enough that you no longer have to leave the room every time you let out a bit of air. Unfortunately, your partner may not share your enthusiasm. Consider it something to keep to yourself and take it somewhere else whenever possible.

You have lost interest in personal grooming

It isn’t necessary to slap on some aftershave each time you walk past the mirror. In fact, it would probably be an overkill.

You should, however, make it a point to shower daily and brush your teeth regularly. Yes, your partner may love you no matter what but you shouldn’t make her work to remind herself why.

You mumble some version of “love you babe” frequently and without eye contact

Remember when you first told her you love her? You probably looked into her eyes when you said those words. You definitely felt their meaning.

If “I love you” has morphed almost exclusively into “love you babe” or some version of that, you probably have forgotten what those words are supposed to convey. It’s time to remember and make a change.

You think “dates” are no longer needed

no date

Believe it or not, dates are still necessary. What brought you together as a couple and helped you gain the comfort and closeness you now have was developed through dating.

Just because you are a few years into things doesn’t mean you should stop putting effort. People (yes, even your partner) change and grow continually. If you don’t spend enough time to enjoy each other’s company, you’ll eventually grow apart.

Closeness is a moving target. You can’t stop working on it just because you think you have it.

See Also: 6 Hobbies For Couples That Can Strengthen Your Relationship

Sex has become like a well-loved recipe

sex in relationship

If your intimate life has a set routine and you could and possibly have done it in your sleep, you are probably too comfortable. Just because you achieve a successful…ahem…end result does not mean you have had a successful experience. Sex is far more enjoyable when there are a few new moves here and there. So, throw out the recipe and try exploring a bit. You might find yourself surprised by the result.

There is a difference between trusting someone so much that you can be completely comfortable in their presence and being so comfortable that you seem not to care. That difference can be a very fine line.

If several or all of the above points ring a bell, you have probably crossed that line. Try changing things up and you’ll be pleasantly surprised by your partner’s reaction and what you get in return.

See Also: 6 Signs You’re In A Long-Term Relationship

The post Are You Too Complacent In A Relationship? appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

Dating Tips for Finding the Right Person

The biggest challenge in dating is finding the right person.

Most of the time, dating is usually clouded with the wrong intentions. Some simply want to get laid while others want to see what happens next. These aren’t really wrong if those are what you intend.

But, if you are looking for the right match, you can easily get hurt if the other person has those intentions.

That is why it is important to make it clear what your intentions are, particularly at the start of the dating process. If you are dating to find the right person for you, then you have to be honest about it. Otherwise, you will get hurt if you play along and can become an easy prey to people who are just looking for fun.

Finding the right person takes time. Actually, it takes an enormous amount of time. Some people can be married, have kids and start a family only to realize that who they live with is not actually the right person for them. No wonder divorce rates are sky high.

Here are a few dating tips for finding the right person:

Eliminate Fear

Fear will always cause us to make the wrong decisions. Fear can easily convince us that who we are currently dating is the best we can have. At your very core, however, you know there is a mismatch in many of your characteristics and personality.

In other words, fear will make you blind to many unpleasant things and this can cause great issues in the long run.

It is best to date not because of fear, whether that is fear of loneliness or being single. Being single shouldn’t actually be feared at all since rushing into a bad relationship is actually worse than being alone.

Do not confuse being partnered with happiness, too. You can be happy alone and you’ll have a greater chance of finding the right person if you are complete on your own.

Take Time Before Committing

dating tips

Commitment brings a relationship to another level. Sometimes, the sweetness and the “high” felt at the beginning of a new relationship can convince you to commit to something even more serious.

Hold back a little and think about what you are getting into.

Not being bitter, but you have to consider many things. Think about your career, social life, and personal life. If the relationship you are committing to may be disruptive to any of this, it may not be worth it.

See Also: 7 Ways To Tell That You’ve Gone From Dating To A Relationship

The Right Person May Be Appear as Wrong

There are many relationships that flourished not because of initial attraction. In fact, some of those that truly lasted are people who may have known each other for a long time without being entirely in love. The right person may be the wrong person at first, so give your partner a fair chance.

Who you are craving for may be toxic and cause you problems and those you may consider toxic or perceive to be may just be the remedy you need to achieve and sustain happiness.

You’ll never know!

Establish a Sensible Foundation for a Relationship

date tips

Many of us sign up for a relationship as if it’s a promotion of an insurance company. We forget that any relationship requires a solid foundation as it gets established.

Before you go about committing to enter a relationship, have a clear sensible foundation. For example, list your own set of values that are most important for you and see if the other person can identify with them. If not, better look for another one. Otherwise, you’ll just create your biggest regret.

Don’t Let Lust be the Foundation

Lust and sex (as dirty as possible) is a requirement for a healthy relationship. No argument in that one. But, take note that it shouldn’t be the foundation of your relationship.

Sexual chemistry is great but it doesn’t mean you’d go blind over the bad behavior of the other person. Life isn’t about sex alone. Remember the many other aspects of life you need to keep intact.

See Also: 4 Dating Mistakes You Could Be Making (And What To Do With Them)

Conclusion

Have fun dating and don’t let bad experiences take away the possibilities of finding the right person.

Again, it takes a long time to find the right one. But, if you do not stumble upon the wrong ones, you would never get there. Don’t be afraid of making mistakes, but please learn from them and never allow them to hurt you. Appreciate the transience of people in your life and move on quickly!

The post Dating Tips for Finding the Right Person appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

Friendship’s Day Special: Why Friendship Makes Marriage More Fun

A healthy marriage comprises of many different roles. On any given day, you may be the sexy lover, the secret keeper, the playmate or the best friend. This plethora of roles you play contributes to the quality of your marriage.

Being friends with your spouse is guaranteed to make your marriage more fun for both of you. It will help deepen your bond as well. Being friends with your mate means more shared activities, free and open communication and a marriage that is the envy of all your friends.

Wondering why friendship in marriage is important? Here are 10 good reasons:

You get to enjoy similar hobbies

fun relationship

Many couples get together because they like each other’s company and there’s physical attraction. But, that doesn’t necessarily mean they enjoy each other’s hobbies. When you have already established friendship, you likely have a hobby in common with your partner.

This opens the way for more interesting date nights as a married couple. Instead of going out to dinner, you can head out for a Sunday morning surf, try golfing, play video games all afternoon or go on a photography hike. Having similar hobbies means more bonding time for you as a couple.

See Also: 6 Hobbies For Couples That Can Strengthen Your Relationship

You’re over each other’s past relationships

By being friends with your partner, you have probably already heard dozens of stories about his ex-girlfriends. You may even have been friends with some of them! Not only does this give you full disclosure about your mate’s romantic past, it can also make you feel less jealous and more secure in your relationship.

Your marriage is enviable

Doesn’t it tickle you on some level when your friends watch you and your spouse interact and then wistfully exclaim: “I wish I had that!” Not that you’re concerned with what other people think of your marriage, right?

There will be less damaging fights

As friends, you’ve had your share of ups and downs. This also means that you’ve probably had your fair share of arguments, too.

By establishing friendship in your marriage, you’ll know how to communicate in a disagreement with your partner and you won’t be afraid to apologize when you are wrong. You know how to consider your partner’s feelings and put yourself in his shoes.

This is friendship at its best. This makes marriage more fun since there’s no pride getting in the way of doing the right thing, particularly when it comes to apologizing, admitting wrongdoing and making up with your lover.

Furthermore, there isn’t that looming fear of this ‘D’ word when you already have a long history of friendship together. This allows you to be open with one another without worrying what effect your honesty will have on your relationship.

You set an excellent example

Your children will depend on you for many things, like food, emotional support and someone to entertain them. They’ll look up to you as an example of how to behave and what standards to expect from life and love. This bodes well for those who have made friendship an important part of their marriage.

Your children will consider your marriage as the basis for what they can expect from their marriage in the future. Your friendship and fun-loving attitude towards one another will set an excellent example for your little ones.

There’s transparency

Does transparency in your marriage make it much more fun?

Since you are already friends, you have already heard the best and the worst experiences the other has gone through. From crazy exes to not-so-dignified behavior, you know your partner’s dirty history in and out. This takes a lot of the guess work out of your relationship and leaves more time for you to enjoy each other’s company. You’ll be able to share your problems without fearing what the other person will think.

It keeps things interesting

fun marriage

Friendship makes a marriage more fun by keeping things interesting. When you are friends on top of being lovers, it will keep the relationship from feeling stale or routine. Having fun and laughing together bonds you as a couple and heightens your desire to spend time together. What could be more interesting than taking up new hobbies with your best friend in the world?

See Also: 3 Ways To Inject More Humor Into Your Relationship

You have a comfortable silence

Is there anything worse than that clunky, uncomfortable silence that comes from not knowing a new friend well enough? Never fear! This will never happen when you have friendship in your marriage.

You can feel completely comfortable with any silent gaps that appear in conversation with your partner. You won’t feel the need to search for old, embarrassing instances from your past to fill the void. Instead, you’ll simply bask in the glow of one another and enjoy those extra moments of silence that you have together.

Your partner knows how to be happy for you

When you’re good friends with your spouse, you and your partner both know how to be excited for each other. There is no secret jealousy or looming resentment. When you achieve something great, your partner will be right there celebrating with you. They can show you full support and make you feel special.

You’re less stressed out

Being in a close relationship means there is more oxytocin flowing through your body. This “love drug” makes you feel accomplished and appreciated. It raises your trust and lowers stress and anxiety. The happier you are, the happier your marriage will be.

Conclusion

Friendship makes marriage more loving, more comfortable and more fun to be in. It is an aspect of marriage that needs nurturing to stay fiery and alive.

So, make time for your mate every day so you can nurture your relationship and make your marriage as fun as it can be.

The post Friendship’s Day Special: Why Friendship Makes Marriage More Fun appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

When to Say Fuck It and STAY in Relationship

In Mark Manson’s article entitled “Fuck Yes or Fuck No,” he asks the crucial question about being in relationship. If a person really just isn’t that into you, then why waste your time? This critical advice has hopefully saved a lot of heartache for those who have held on to relationship hope past the expiration date.

Recently, however, a different slice of the same pie was delivered to a friend. Beth had been casually dating Greg when he had a complete meltdown – something about her roommate. Riddled with anxiety, he completely broke down, and the two had a brief conversation about what was going on. My husband talked to her the next day, and the two agreed that the relationship seemed like more trouble than it was worth. After all, it was early days yet. Wasn’t this supposed to be the easy times? Beth decided that it was too much for her and broke it off. She decided she wasn’t so into Greg that she wanted to invest any time in the relationship. She was a definite Fuck No.

My opinion about the matter differed. I saw total value in staying in the relationship long enough to talk about what had happened, using this as a practice run. Let me explain. Beth and Greg had little invested in the relationship as it was so new. Because of this, I felt it could be helpful for Beth to gain some relationship experience (she was very inexperienced) by having a more difficult conversation with Greg.

She could have listened to his fears and revealed some of her own. She could have told him about her turn-off. She could have had a potentially crunchy conversation in a very low-stakes relationship.

This would mean practicing her communication and transparency skills, so when she was in a high-stakes relationship, she’d have more skills. It means that if it didn’t go well and the relationship ended, then she wouldn’t be crushed. Hopefully she’d reflect, learn, and move on. And if it did go well, then she might see if the relationship was truly workable, and perhaps it might evolve into a high-stakes relationship.

low stake relationship

First things first, what is the difference between a low-stakes relationship and a high-stakes relationship? A low-stakes relationship – unlike a casual relationship – still has a level of commitment. It might mean seeing the person every two weeks, once a month, or once a year. It means you value the relationship: it’s not disposable or expendable or fast food. You nourish it even if you think it might only last a short time.

A high-stakes relationship has a higher level of commitment. Think: life partner, long term, family relationships. These ones have weight, (sometimes baggage), and are deep on our hearts. These are the ones that often need the most work. This is where low-stakes healthy relationships can help. (Note: It’s always worthwhile checking in about whether or not you’re in a healthy or toxic relationship. Toxic relationships clearly aren’t worth your time or energy!)

See Also: 6 Signs You’re In A Long-Term Relationship

In staying in such a low stakes relationship, it’s not about whether the relationship is right or wrong for you, it’s whether both of you can actually learn something from being in the relationship. Now, if there’s not enough connection from the get-go, then by all mean, don’t stay in.

If, as Mark Manson says, the person just isn’t that into you, then leave. But if you seem to share values and enjoy one another’s company, then why let one upset upheave the whole thing? What can you learn by staying in? Lots, I’d say, but only if you really want to do the work.

long term relationship

You might ask yourself, Do I have a lot of healthy relationship experience? Have I learned how to communicate in relationship? Do I know what it’s like to be transparent about my needs? Have I learned how to apologize when my words and actions have had a negative impact (seen or unforeseen)? How can this current low-stakes relationship teach both of us these skills?

And if your answer is Yes, I can learn more… Yes, I want to be able to weather the storms of an intimate relationship – maybe not with this person for long-term, but for right now – then do it. Step into the storm. See what you can learn about connecting with this person. See how you can stretch and grow. See what it means to be messy, human, and compassionate. See what happens when you say Fuck it. It’s not why stay, it’s why not stay.

See Also: Red Flags: When To Start Giving Up On Relationships

 

The post When to Say Fuck It and STAY in Relationship appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

6 Hobbies For Couples That Can Strengthen Your Relationship

Feeling bored doesn’t have to mean you don’t love your partner anymore. It’s probably just the right time to find something new and interesting to do together. Taking up a new hobby is one great way to start.

It will give you something new to talk about. It can give you and your partner a fresh perspective, too.

If you are curious to know, take a look at these six hobbies for couples that you can try out today. They might just bring you and your partner closer together.

Cooking

cooking together

Whether it is Japanese or French, learning a new cuisine can be loads of fun for couples. It’s not only enjoyable and creative, but it can also let you learn new things.

Taking a class is an excellent way to start. If you don’t want to leave the house, there are many YouTube video tutorials and online classes you can check out at little or no charge. With a little practice, you’ll soon be able to try new and intriguing recipes.

Cooking together provides an excellent chance to take charge of your health. Besides, every chef needs an assistant, so it makes a perfect partner activity.

Physical Training

There are a variety of sports that are best done with a partner. Biking, running, weight-lifting, yoga and hiking are great examples.

Picking something that is fun and challenging for both of you will give you the opportunity to really support one another. It will also give you the chance to better your health and achieve things you never thought possible before.

Who would be better to cross a finish line with than the person you love the most?

With physical training, you’ll get the satisfaction of having pushed yourself to new heights as well as being able to form a deep connection with your partner.

Language

Learning a new language is one the most difficult yet useful things you can do.

Have you ever thought about traveling to another country?

If yes, then pick a place that interests you both. Once you have selected a place, you can begin doing your research. You can use online programs, software and apps so you can learn that country’s language from the comfort of your home.

You and your partner can learn and practice together. It won’t be long before you can say “I love you” in another language.

See Also: 5 Tips to Learn Languages by Reading Foreign Books

Games

fun relationship

It may sound like child’s play, but learning a new game is an excellent way to keep your mind sharp. You can try board, video or online games.

Most of these games require a lot of thought and strategy to master. These things can help build important relationship skills, like communication and respect. It can also teach you a lot about teamwork, too.

See Also: Video Games and Relationships: A List of Pros and Cons

Dancing

Whether it is ballroom or hip-hop, dancing is a rewarding pastime, especially with a partner. Learning choreographed moves to music helps build coordination, mental acuity and physical health. Doing it with someone you love makes it all the more fun. Dancing can also be very sultry and romantic. This can bring you closer both physically and mentally.

Building or Refinishing Projects

Maybe you have an old piece that needs updating already. If not, take the time to scour garage sales or flea markets with your partner and find cool items that you can update. Hunting for that hidden gem is a great activity to do together.

Even if they have no place in your home once done, you may be able to sell them again for a profit. Engaging your creativity along with your partner’s and then working toward a common goal, will bring you closer.

Conclusion

No matter what your hobby of choice is, having something that you can do as a couple can help deepen your relationship. Remember, hobbies for couples don’t have to be expensive. There are lots of tutorials you can find on the internet.

Hobbies can be therapeutic in general and, for a couple, that can translate to a stronger and happier relationship. Who knows, you may even discover some interesting new things about each other or yourself that you never knew before.

The post 6 Hobbies For Couples That Can Strengthen Your Relationship appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

Red Flags: When To Start Giving Up On Relationships

Falling in love with someone can be a wonderful experience. As you learn about one another, you begin to see new ways of learning and experiencing life. There is little that disrupts the flow of a newly budding relationship and it is easy to become swept away by the attraction.

However, once you have settled into your role as a partner, the attraction and adoration may no longer enough. You will face the challenge of working out problems. Unfortunately, some couples never recover from the hardships of learning how to compromise and growing together.

So, how do you know when it’s time to start giving up on relationships?

There isn’t enough quality time

You or your partner is seeking pleasure and satisfaction outside of the relationship.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a couple having different interests. In fact, two people in a healthy relationship should have experiences that they enjoy independently as well as together.  The struggle comes when one or both of the partners begin to seek enjoyment outside of the relationship at all times.

While this may seem like an insignificant problem, the lack of quality time spent together can compromise the health of the relationship in the long run.

Be sure to balance the time you spend doing what you love and the time you spend with your partner. If you find yourself relieved when you are not around your partner, it may be time to reconsider the future of the relationship.

The relationship is experiencing unfaithfulness

unfaithfulness

Unfaithfulness is like a wound that is unable to properly heal. There may be forgiveness and closure, but the harm the action caused will never fully disappear. All that may be left is a scar and there will always be evidence of the hurt.

Infidelity is commonly referred to as “cheating” and typically includes any sexual relationship outside of two exclusive partners. Cheating or infidelity, however, can also present as emotional or visual. If you find yourself looking at others for visual pleasure or you experience an emotional connection with another person that should only exist within your relationship, you may need to take the time to reflect on your relationship.

You become uncomfortable as a couple in social settings

If one or both of you are visibly uncomfortable when you are in public together, something is probably wrong.

This does not necessarily mean the end of the relationship. It may simply mean that there is a problem that needs to be addressed.

But, if one of you is intentionally avoiding the other when you’re with friends and family, the problem may have deeper roots. It may be the right time to talk it out with your partner and reevaluate things.

See Also: I’m Saying Thanks For Breaking My Heart

There are red flags of abuse

If you are harming your partner intentionally, either by words or by actions, then the health of your relationship is already diminishing. If your partner is doing things with the intent to harm you, it is time to walk away. No loving or healthy relationship comes with the intention to harm.

There may be times when a person does something that hurts the one he loves the most, but if this hurt has progressed to intentional, hurtful behavior, it is better to just walk away. Talk to local resources offering help for dating or domestic abuse. The trained individuals in these institutions may be able to provide you with a clearer answer about the abuse you are experiencing.

You and your partner are traveling in very different directions

ended relationship

Lastly, no matter how much time has passed since you decided to become an exclusive couple, life can still lead you to two separate directions. Differences in passions, desires and hopes for the future often spell the end of a relationship.

Healthy couples either work through these differences or mutually decide to end their partnership. Other couples have difficulty with this process and the ending of the relationship can be quite ugly. But, regardless of how messy it may look, it is important to know who you are and what you want. Your joy in life, no matter what you are doing, is what you pass on to the people around you and to your children.

Is staying with this person going to uplift you and encourage you to continue seeking joy? Or is staying with this person going to bring you down and discourage you from going after what you desire out of life?

Remember, it is never too late to walk away. Some of the best and healthiest relationships involve people who never give up and continue to grow with one another. If only one person is choosing to grow, change and move forward, is the relationship going in the right direction?

See Also: Leave The Past Behind: 6 Ways To Learn The Art Of Un-Loving

The post Red Flags: When To Start Giving Up On Relationships appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

Finding Your Soulmate: 6 Ways To Know When You’ve Met ‘The One’

You might not believe in ‘the one’ or the idea that there is a perfect person out there destined to be yours. But, maybe you’ve been dating someone for a while now. You love them, enjoy their company and are wondering if they are the one you’ll commit to spending the rest of your life with.

How can you really be sure?

There are the loving feelings you have for them that can give you hints. You may even have thoughts that living without them would be unbearable. Those are both good starts. However, there has to be more than that to know that he or she is ‘the one’, right?

There are. And to help you figure it out, here are 6 tips on finding your soulmate.

You both feel lucky to be with each other

It’s a good sign when both of you think you hit the jackpot with your relationship. You feel like the luckiest person alive to have this person as yours and they feel the exact same way. You’re feeling blessed to have each other and you couldn’t be more grateful.

You have similar priorities and values

Opposites may attract, but if you have opposing life goals and values, the relationship will likely experience a lot of turmoil. On the other hand, if you and your partner share common priorities about family, children, work or even money, then you can know that you can build a future together.

It doesn’t matter what you do together

fun relationship

When you’re with someone you truly care about, even the mundane can be fun. Your time together doesn’t have to be filled with fun or fancy dates. You are just excited to be with the other person and spend time together. You care about the smallest details, like how her day went or what happened at work.

See Also: 7 Ways To Tell That You’ve Gone From Dating To A Relationship

Your friends and family see what you see

Your family members and friends see why you like this person so much and they like the idea as well. If you’re falling in love with a special person and have supportive friends and family, then they will encourage the relationship. Always be cautious if your friends and family aren’t tickled over the person you are dating.

You can have healthy conflict

Every relationship is bound to have its arguments and disagreements. It’s how you handle those arguments and disagreements that show how compatible you are.

Can the two of you respectfully disagree and work through conflict in a healthy, productive manner? Or do fights turn into screaming matches where everything escalates and there is never an end to it?

The two of you should feel like you can tackle anything together in a respectful, considerate and effective way.

You are truly yourself around them

happy relationship

In the early stages of a relationship, we put our best feet forward. But, as we get more comfortable and know someone more and more, our true selves come out. It might be for the better or for worse.

You shouldn’t feel like you have to hide your intellectual or silly side whenever you are with them. When your partner has seen the many facets of you and loves you anyway, it’s a good sign the relationship is a keeper.

Conclusion

Sometimes, you just know. Call it a feeling or a gut instinct, but we often can just tell when something is right. If all the above things are present in your relationship and you have the feeling, then congratulations! It looks like you’ve met your match.

This does not mean, however, that living happily ever after will come automatically. Relationships take work. Finding your soulmate takes effort. You have to be willing to put into and not just take from it.

When you appreciate each other, have similar values, enjoy just being together, navigate conflict in a healthy way and can be yourselves with each other, you are off to a good start. Having these things going for you gives you a good foundation to build from and increases your chances of having a successful relationship.

If you don’t have all of these characteristics, you don’t have to give up. Successful relationships are built, not born. Pick one or two to start working on improving and see what happens next.

See Also: 7 Best Secrets to Building Lasting Relationships

The post Finding Your Soulmate: 6 Ways To Know When You’ve Met ‘The One’ appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

3 Ways To Inject More Humor Into Your Relationship

As soon as you stop laughing with your significant other, you’re pretty much guaranteed to find yourself on the miserable road to relationship hell.

The person you were once so enamored with will start to take on the look of a hairless cat that’s been left out in the sun for too long. You’ll hear the cell block doors slam shut on your relationship as you look forward to a dim future with your crusty ball and chain.

And one day, you’ll gratefully fling your carcass into the earthy arms of an early grave.

Ok, we’ve taken a dark turn here. Let’s go back to the actual issue.

The real question is, how can you keep things fun and new? Let’s move on to the humorous portion of this article and explore a few ways to bring the laughter back to your relationship.

Why Laughter is Good for Your Relationship

In addition to the fun and happy moments that laughter provides, there are also some scientific reasons why humor is great for your relationship.

According to a study performed by the University of North Carolina, couples who laughed together reported better quality of relationship with feelings of closeness and support that stemmed from it.

Some of the findings include:

  • While women laughed more often, men’s laughter was found to be more contagious.
  • The female’s reciprocation of laughter had a positive effect on the men.
  • The longer the laughter continued, the greater the men’s rating of satisfaction, commitment and passion toward their partners.

Laughter makes us feel better, both physically and emotionally. This is likely to make us nicer to our partners. When you laugh more often, you’ll typically become less defensive, more spontaneous and you’ll have less inhibitions. In other words, your interactions can become much more upbeat and positive. You’ll end up enjoying each other’s company to a greater extent.

So, how can you tap into the benefits of laughter and use them to improve and maintain the quality of your relationship? Check out these three relationship humor tips you can actually use.

 

Going Back to Your Early Years

relive childhood days

What is your favorite childhood memory? Which places do you remember playing and laughing in when you were growing up?

If you know your partner well enough, it’s likely that you’ve heard about a few of their fond childhood memories. Taking the time to revisit the places or reenact the events together can be a fantastic way to tap into happy moments.

Sneaking off to the park and swinging together under the moonlight, watching an old treasured movie while you’re curled up together or dancing like nobody’s watching are just a few ways to bring back the magic of youth.

The Spontaneous Trick

be spontaneous

Some of the best fun is often the result of spontaneous choices.

Breaking away from the old routine might not be easy, but it’s a great way to bring more fun into your relationship. Some things you may want to try include:

  • Taking an unplanned trip
  • Trying something new together
  • Switching up the sexual routine
  • Saying yes to unexpected opportunities

Whether you are laughing at the ridiculous positions you find yourself in while taking that yoga class for the first time or find yourselves lost in a small town with a suspicious looking clown on the side of the road, you’re guaranteed to create some interesting memories when you make an effort to be more spontaneous.

A Good Old Fashioned Gag

This tactic is powerful, but it’s often neglected.

Most of us can probably remember the last time we picked up some flowers or a thoughtful trinket for our partner. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a nice gesture. But, how often do you bring home a great gag gift?

Bringing the laughter back into your relationship will probably take less time than you think when you implement a few of these relationship humor tips. Give them a shot today and experience the joy that comes with a good belly laugh.  

Are there any other techniques that you’ve used to amp up the humor between you and your partner? We’d love to hear about them in the comments section below.

See Also: Five Traits Women Want In A Partner

The post 3 Ways To Inject More Humor Into Your Relationship appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

7 Best Secrets To Building Lasting Relationships

Despite all the disastrous relationships we’ve experienced and witnessed in our lives, there’s always a couple that restores your faith in love and lasting relationships.

As a young person, you may not value stability. However, as you grow older and when you’re in the later stages of life, your spouse can be the core of your support system. Numerous studies have revealed that having a happy relationship with a spouse leads to improved health and can prevent loneliness among seniors.

Nail these tips on how to make lasting relationships and you’ll be headed in the right direction!

Share core values and interests

Opposites do attract, but it is better if your relationship has core values and interests you both share. It is important that you have a similar outlook on life.

Sharing core values means you can agree on the major aspects of life. A good example is the number of children you want and how you wish to raise them.

It can also help if you have similar personalities and that you come from the same background. Not having any common ground with your significant other makes it difficult to get enthusiastic about what interests him. Whether you admit it or not, it’s always nice if you have a partner that can get excited about the stuff you’re interested in.

Place importance on physical attraction

Yes, what’s on the inside matters more. But, physicality and attraction play a huge role in keeping couples together, too.

A relationship is highly unlikely to develop if there was no physical attraction in the first place. Of course, it shouldn’t be the basis of the relationship, but it is vital in keeping your partner hooked and invested in the relationship.

This doesn’t mean you have to look like Hollywood celebs, but keep your weight and appearance in check. Remember, physical attraction is a key component of maintaining intimacy with your partner. Make sure you’re doing what it takes to keep them interested in you.

Communicate

Communication is essential for the health of all relationships. It is, however, that much more integral in your relationship with your spouse.

Ideally, you should be spending the majority of your day with your spouse. Your partner should be the one you turn to in times of peril. If you aren’t able to relay your concerns with them, then expect problems to arise in the relationship.

The inability to trust your spouse with your problems and concerns is sure to place a wedge between the both of you. If your communication line is ineffective, you’ll come to resent each other as the distance between you grows.

Compromise

You can’t have it your way all the time. There are going to be countless occasions where one of you will have to bend in order to accommodate the other.

It’s not right for one partner to be the one making all the sacrifices. Actually, you shouldn’t think of compromises as sacrifices at all, as much as you can think of compromise as a negotiation.

You shouldn’t feel like you’re giving something up. Instead, think of it as adjusting a little for the sake of your relationship. Negotiate with your partner until you reach an agreement that seems fair to both individuals.

Have the conversation only when you’re ready to talk without getting overly emotional and impulsive. Try and come up with solutions that the both of you are somewhat content with. Forcing a compromise at a time where you’re feeling resistant to one another will only worsen the situation.

Make an effort to enjoy your partner’s interests

fun spousal activities

There are activities, movies and music that your partner is passionate about which don’t interest you at all. Despite that, you should still consider giving it a genuine chance. Your partner will surely appreciate your effort in trying it for his sake. The more you can enjoy together, the better it is for your relationship.

See Also: 7 Ways To Inject Romance Into Your Relationship 

Constantly challenge yourself

Making new memories together will always strengthen your relationship. Doing the same activities over and over again can make things mundane.

Keep things fresh, make it a point to go to new places, meet different types people and try new activities together. Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is important for personal growth and to keep your relationship exciting, too.

Don’t go to bed angry

spouse argument

The is probably the best relationship advice ever.

The idea of resolving issues as soon as possible is the easiest way of preventing the buildup of anger and feelings of resentment. Do yourselves a favor and resolve your conflicts before you go to sleep. You’ll save yourself a night of restlessness and, most importantly, you’ll wake up without the burden of a fight.

See Also: 7 Ways to Make Your Angry Wife Happy

The post 7 Best Secrets To Building Lasting Relationships appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

4 Dating Mistakes You Could Be Making (And What To Do With Them)

Whether you are dating in hopes of finding your first love or are back in the game after healing from a breakup or divorce, dating is a whole world of its own. There are unspoken rules and plenty of personalities in the mix that make the waters less than clear for all of the players involved.

Dating has changed a lot in recent years with the development of online dating sites, apps, and matchmakers. I am often counseling people recently separated or divorced who want to re-enter the dating scene. Faced with these new options, they tell me that a process that used to be intimidating and overwhelming has now also become very confusing.

Beyond the ‘how-tos’ of finding a date are the ‘how-tos’ of behaving on a date. In an area where self-doubt and insecurities can get the best of you, fostering some level of self-confidence is crucial to finding dating success.

To increase your odds of success, take a look at these four common dating mistakes and evaluate yourself. If you might be making any of them, then follow the tips on how you can avoid them.

Putting on a show

great-conversation

What you’re doing: We all feel the need to present the best of ourselves to a date and, in a way, perform for them. We understandably want to make sure that we come across as likable and leave a great first impression. With this, it is easy to cross the line and give a false representation of who we truly are.

How to stop: Rather than focusing on how you are coming across to your date, just try to be present in the moment with them. Be yourself, listen to your date and be engaging. This will help you to be able to decipher how you feel about your date instead of just wanting them to like you enough to go for a second date.

See Also: 5 Ways To Keep a Conversation From Coming To a Dead-end Standstill

Being superficial

What you’re doing: Putting too much emphasis on a person’s looks or income won’t build a lasting relationship. Superficial things will eventually fade away and the relationship won’t have enough of a solid foundation to stand on.

How to stop: Take the time to learn what your date’s core values and morals are. Being able to have a great conversation, along with similar goals and life ethics, will set a better groundwork for a mutually enjoyable and lasting relationship than most other qualities.

Ignoring warning signs

What you’re doing: In the beginning, we tend to ignore the obvious red flags about our date, either because we really like that person or because we really want it to work out. However, it is important to pay attention to their behavior and trust your instincts when dating.

How to stop: If your date is rude to the waiter, talks about himself the entire time or gives you a bad feeling in your gut, trust that as a warning sign and don’t continue seeing them. If something bothers you on an early date, it will really irritate you later on in the relationship.

Putting too much emphasis on chemistry

dating chemistry

What you’re doing: If sparks are flying, then that is great, but don’t equate chemistry to love or compatibility. Things like physical attraction and charisma can all lead to chemistry, but that doesn’t necessarily mean the two of you will make a good pairing in the long run.

How to stop: Take the time and ask questions to find out more about the person you’re dating. It’s great to laugh and have a physical connection. Just make sure you are also getting to know who the other is as a person and that the things he cares about are also things you care about.

Early dating should be a fun and a pressure-free experience. The purpose is simply to get to know the other person and learn if the two of you could connect on a deeper level. Don’t worry too much about ‘the rules’ of dating such as when to call the person or the right way to ask for a second date.

Focus on just being yourself and having good conversation, and you’ll make yourself a much more attractive date and potential future partner.

See Also: The Dos and Don’ts of a First Date for Men

The post 4 Dating Mistakes You Could Be Making (And What To Do With Them) appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

7 Killer Tips For Planning A Las Vegas Wedding

Planning a wedding is a wonderful and memorable thing but, beyond the emotions, it is also rather stressful. From finding a perfect wedding dress to booking a reception venue, it can be a real challenge for everyone involved. However, if you are getting married in Las Vegas, this process may become even more complicated.

The good news is that planning a Las Vegas wedding means having no limits at all. Want to tie the knot underwater or get married during a rock concert? The Entertainment Capital of the World can easily provide you with such an opportunity! With so many options, it is always better to have a Las Vegas wedding checklist at hand.

Whether your big day is an intimate one or you want to celebrate in style, here are 7 killer tips that can make the process of planning a Las Vegas wedding much easier:

Vegas wedding dress ideas

You can certainly travel to Las Vegas with your carefully chosen elegant wedding dress. But, actually, there’s no need for that. Since Las Vegas is home to spur-of-the-moment weddings, you can find lots of stores where you can buy or rent any bridal gown, tiara, veil, jewelry, shawl, gloves and crinoline you like.

Most of them are open late so that even those who are planning to have night weddings can have plenty of Vegas wedding dress ideas. If you still don’t have a perfect gown for your special day, you are sure to find it in Las Vegas.

Choosing a date

One of the first tasks that should be in your Las Vegas wedding checklist is choosing a date. There are two important things you should pay your attention to.

The first one is the weather. Don’t forget that Las Vegas is in the desert, so if you want to have an outdoor ceremony or reception, consider getting married in the spring or autumn time. Traditional wedding months (June – October) may turn your big day into a nightmare.

Besides that, keep in mind that Vegas is a popular destination for conferences, meeting, concerts and vacations. Thereby, to check a convention calendar beforehand is never superfluous.

Marriage application

If you are planning a Las Vegas wedding, you don’t need to wait long to receive a marriage license. You can apply for it no more than sixty days before your set date. Besides, you can speed up the process by filling out a marriage application form online.

Please note, however, that both people getting married in Las Vegas should appear in person at the county clerk’s office to receive the license. It will cost you about $60.

Hotel chapel

las vegas wedding chapel

If you want to save some money, a hotel chapel can be a good option for you. The fact is that almost every hotel in Vegas has its own wedding chapel, which gives you and your guests the opportunity to stay in the same place for your ceremony and reception.

Furthermore, any hotel chapel can provide you with a variety of wedding services, including live broadcasting of your ceremony online, limousine transportation, professional photo and video shoots. Most of them offer fresh floral decoration and even a honeymoon helicopter flight. If you book your chosen wedding package beforehand, you are guaranteed to get a good deal.

Venue location

Las Vegas offers plenty of themed, fun and casual wedding venue options for a wide range of tastes and budgets. From sky high weddings and cocktail parties to the ultra-chic nightclub buyouts and wedding venues for animal lovers, everyone can find something to their liking.

However, if you are planning a unique Las Vegas wedding, keep in mind that most popular and unusual venues and vendors get booked up early, so it is better to do everything in advance.

Hair and makeup

Finding hair salons and makeup artists doesn’t have to be a hassle in Las Vegas. Lots of hotels, casinos and spa centers offer these services to those who want their makeup and hair done professionally for the wedding day.

The only problem is that these services usually come at a rather high price. If you are on a budget, you can save some money if you go to a local salon located somewhere off the Strip.

Day-after photo session

las vegas photo session

One more thing to include in your Las Vegas wedding checklist is a day-after photo session. Talk to your photographer beforehand about organizing a creative and funny shoot somewhere in Downtown Vegas or in the desert. Thus, in addition to your beautiful wedding photos, you will also get plenty of awesome Vegas pics to enjoy for years to come.

As you can see, getting married in Las Vegas may require a bit more preparation compared to a local wedding. However, who said you cannot elope without proper preparation and planning? if that’s the case, just make your way towards Las Vegas Boulevard. You will find there everything you need for your perfect Vegas wedding! After all, this city is not called the Marriage Capital of the World for nothing!

The post 7 Killer Tips For Planning A Las Vegas Wedding appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

How A Broken Heart Can Be Your Biggest Teacher

Losing someone you love, either through a death or a breakup, is arguably one of the most painful experiences a person has to endure.

It is particularly challenging during the initial stages.

I like to compare it to the drowsiness and uncomfortable sensations a patient experiences right after having a surgery. The only difference is that the physical pain has a fairly predictable healing time, whereas emotional pain does not.

The recovery time for the brokenhearted completely depends on how much effort they are willing to put into healing themselves. Unlike what some people believe, time does not heal all wounds. Instead, conscious self-care does.

The reaction towards a painful loss depends on a person’s inner strength and psychology. It ranges between taking time off to go on a spiritual retreat to something as extreme as committing suicide.

Clearly one has to be very careful and gentle with himself as he recovers. I know how fragile one can feel during that time as I have endured a painful loss, too.

Yet, I have found that if we can overcome the immediate maelstrom of emotions, we can later learn a great deal from our experience and use that wisdom to improve both our lives and the lives of others.

The biggest lesson a broken heart taught me was that no matter how intense a relationship is, I had to learn to love from a place of healthy detachment so that if anything goes wrong, I will stay strong and not let my life fall apart. This kind of objectivity creates more balance and harmony in relationships.

In addition to that, I also learned that taking care of my individual needs is paramount if I wanted to have a healthy intimate relationship. I have to make time to meet my own personal needs and avoid placing that responsibility on the person I’m with.

I have to admit that it did take some time for me to have this breakthrough. It only came to me after taking the time to process my feelings and engaging in long periods of introspection. No book or workshop in the world could have taught me these lessons as effectively as my experiences did.

If you are someone who is still in the midst of recovery from a painful break, I can assure you that with a consistent self-care regime, you will gradually feel better.

Here are a few tips I would like to share with you to help you get started:

Be gentle with yourself

Much like a patient after a surgery, you need to understand that your emotional state is delicate and you will require time to heal. Get the support that you need from friends and loved ones and be gentle with yourself.

Honor your feelings

journaling on feelings

Getting over a break up shouldn’t numb you. Don’t resist your feelings because that will only make them stronger. Instead, you need to find healthy ways to process them, such as journaling or speaking to someone you trust.

You can talk to your friends,  family members, a counselor or coach. Work on forgiveness for both yourself and your ex-partner, and walk away with a feeling of acceptance and inner peace.

Understand the lessons

Once you feel stable and objective enough to see things from a neutral and grounded perspective, you’ll be able to understand the lessons the process came with. Ask yourself: “What did I learn about myself and my relationships after going through this?” and “What can I do differently next time?”

Getting over a break up isn’t entirely a negative experience. It can come with positive lessons, too.

See Also: What To Do After A Break Up: A Handbook For Every Newly Single Guy

Move on

moving on a heart break

After processing your feelings and the lessons, you need to do whatever it takes to get your life back on track. You have made great efforts to overcome this bump in your life and the time has come for you to make plans to move forward.

On the other end of the tunnel, you will be filled with gratitude and trust that every experience that you go through will help you become a wiser, more loving and giving individual.

See Also: I’m Saying Thanks For Breaking My Heart

The post How A Broken Heart Can Be Your Biggest Teacher appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

Tips For Happy Marriage: 7 Simple Ways To Maintain A Loving Relationship

A happy marriage or relationship can be very healthy for your physical and mental wellbeing. Science has proven that men live longer and healthier lives when they are in a healthy marriage or long-term relationship.

These things, however, aren’t the only benefits you can gain from such relationships. Fox News report that the prevalence of cancer is lower among married women and men and heart disease is less common among happily married couples. A healthy, loving relationship can also lead to lower stress levels, fewer symptoms of anxiety and a happier mood.

Unfortunately, not all relationships and marriages have happy endings. Up to 41% of first marriages end in divorce while the average person gets divorced at the age of 30.

Second and third marriages, however, have an even lower success rate. As much as 60% of second marriages end in divorce while up to 73% of third marriages fall apart. It is also reported that there are up to 100 couples filing for a divorce every hour every day.

If you think that your marriage or relationship is going downhill, then this post is for you. Here are the simplest, yet effective, tips for happy marriage.

Open Communication Is Important

The way you and your partner communicates is of utmost importance. The Better Health Channel of Australia reports that a happy relationship relies on being both a good listener and good communicator.

You should be able to openly share your feelings with your partner and listen when your partner is talking to you. Only then will you be able to truly understand each other’s feelings and find ways to improve together.

They recommend setting aside time each day to listen to each other without any distractions, to think about what you want to say, and to be open to discussing certain objects with your partner without jumping to conclusions and without being judgmental.

Don’t Forget To Hug

loving relationship

While this may seem somewhat insignificant, you should not disavow this idea without considering the science behind a hug. Mind Body Green reports that hugging helps to build trust. It can boost both your mood and happiness, too.

These are all thanks to the release of oxytocin, a hormone that helps to reduce feelings of anger, isolation and loneliness. Consider the benefits of a hug and you’ll clearly see how hugging on a regular basis can help you and your partner maintain a sense of trust and a healthy bond.

See Also: How to Hack Relationships: 3 Ways Physical Touch Helps

Have Sex… As Frequently As Possible

Having sexual intercourse with a partner on a regular basis has many health benefits for the both of you. Sex can improve your immune system, contribute to better heart health, and cause your blood pressure levels to decline. It makes an excellent form of physical exercise.

Sex can also be an excellent way to reduce pain as well as the risk of developing prostate cancer. It can improve your sleep quality and many people find that sex helps lower their stress levels.

Sex can also help a couple bond. It can make both individuals feel appreciated and sexier. If you suffer from a condition such as premature ejaculation, a lack of libido or erectile problems, then seek help from a doctor to prevent these health concerns from causing problems with your sex life.

Have Dinner Together

We all live busy lives and with schedules that are packed with tasks and activities. This can often lead to two partners living past one another and spending less time with each other.

To stay connected, two partners have to make time for one another. Start by having dinner together every single night. While this may seem like a very small step, it would allow both you and your partner to spend more time with each other thus creating an excellent opportunity to maintain your connection.

Better Sleep Cycles

When our lives are busy, our sleep cycles often become disrupted. Sleep is important and has many functions in the body. Ensuring you gain an adequate amount of sleep every night is really important.

When you do not have healthy sleep cycles and become sleep deprived, both your body and mind may suffer. Sleep deprivation can cause cognitive dysfunction, impaired mental activity, memory problems, moodiness and can even lead to depression. This can take a toll on your health and your relationship.

Smile… And Laugh

happy couple

Something as simple as a smile can make a difference, especially if you and your loved one are going through a tough time. Laughter can be thought of as powerful medicine.

Science has proven that laughter can strengthen your immune function, provide relief in pain, reduce stress levels, and even boost your mood. Laughter has been scientifically proven to strengthen the relationship between two people so try to smile and laugh more with your partner.

Spend Time On Yourself Too

Lastly, you should never forget that even though you are in a relationship, you are still an individual with feelings, emotions and body. Some people tend to forget that they should spend time on themselves as well if they plan on maintaining a healthy, loving relationship.

Small things like making sure you are always well-groomed and decent can show your partner that you still care how they feel about you.

Conclusion

Being happy is a wonderful experience, but being in love can be an even more powerful experience. Unfortunately, love does not last for everyone – as we already discussed, more than 50% of all marriages end up in divorce. Luckily, there are ways to maintain the love and happiness in a relationship.

One of the best tips for happy marriage is to act together. Both partners need to act together to make their relationship last.

See Also: 6 Stepping Stones Of A Successful Married Life

The post Tips For Happy Marriage: 7 Simple Ways To Maintain A Loving Relationship appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

7 Ways To Tell That You’ve Gone From Dating To A Relationship

Anybody who has dated and experienced being in a relationship will know how complex the process can get. The longer you continue to see each other, the more dynamic the feelings become.

If you are still in the dark, here are 7 of the most obvious ways to tell if you’ve gone from dating to entering a relationship.

Nightlife Goes From Club To Couch

real relationship

Before, you used to spend most Saturday nights dating people at a bar, cinema, or restaurant. Now that you’re in an actual relationship, it will no longer matter where you are dating. As long as you’re with your loved one, you’ll be happy.

They Don’t Consume Your Every Thought

Once you’ve already gotten over the infatuation stage and realized that you and your partner are in it for the long haul, you’re less likely to think about him all the time. This, however, doesn’t mean that you’re bad. It’s just your brain showing how settled you are.

Arguments Aren’t Disastrous

relationship argument

In the delicate dating stage, one or two arguments can often spell the end of the romance. When you have settled into a real relationship, the bond between you and your partner is already strong enough that you no longer take silly misunderstandings seriously. Instead, you argue a bit, cool off, and the make up again.

They See The Real You

During the dating stage, people tend to create the ideal versions of themselves. It’s a way to entice a partner. However, once you have found someone special, you begin to let your guards down and show your real self. You wear less makeup and you pay less attention to how you look.

The Future Is Talked About

Bringing up what you want in the future is probably one of the worst things you can do when you’re casually dating someone. It’s a sure-fire way to scare somebody off. This changes when you are in a relationship. You find freedom and excitement in discussing what might happen in the next few years.

You’re Fully Connected

The idea of meeting each other’s friends and family is always a bit awkward when you’re still in the early part of dating. By the time you are in a formal relationship, you probably already know each other’s friends’ first names. You might even be sending them Christmas and birthday cards regularly.

Jealousy Is A Distant Memory

In a relationship, you no longer have to worry about other men or women paying close attention to your partner. Being in a formal relationship gives you more security since there’s less competition. Apart from that, there’s complete trust in one another, too.

The process of dating and entering a relationship isn’t at all bad. In fact, it’s interesting and exciting. Enjoy while you’re at it.

See Also: 5 Ways To Create the Foundation of a Long Term Relationship

 

The post 7 Ways To Tell That You’ve Gone From Dating To A Relationship appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

7 Ways To Tell That You’ve Gone From Dating To A Relationship

Anybody who has dated and experienced being in a relationship will know how complex the process can get. The longer you continue to see each other, the more dynamic the feelings become.

If you are still in the dark, here are 7 of the most obvious ways to tell if you’ve gone from dating to entering a relationship.

Nightlife Goes From Club To Couch

real relationship

Before, you used to spend most Saturday nights dating people at a bar, cinema, or restaurant. Now that you’re in an actual relationship, it will no longer matter where you are dating. As long as you’re with your loved one, you’ll be happy.

They Don’t Consume Your Every Thought

Once you’ve already gotten over the infatuation stage and realized that you and your partner are in it for the long haul, you’re less likely to think about him all the time. This, however, doesn’t mean that you’re bad. It’s just your brain showing how settled you are.

Arguments Aren’t Disastrous

relationship argument

In the delicate dating stage, one or two arguments can often spell the end of the romance. When you have settled into a real relationship, the bond between you and your partner is already strong enough that you no longer take silly misunderstandings seriously. Instead, you argue a bit, cool off, and the make up again.

They See The Real You

During the dating stage, people tend to create the ideal versions of themselves. It’s a way to entice a partner. However, once you have found someone special, you begin to let your guards down and show your real self. You wear less makeup and you pay less attention to how you look.

The Future Is Talked About

Bringing up what you want in the future is probably one of the worst things you can do when you’re casually dating someone. It’s a sure-fire way to scare somebody off. This changes when you are in a relationship. You find freedom and excitement in discussing what might happen in the next few years.

You’re Fully Connected

The idea of meeting each other’s friends and family is always a bit awkward when you’re still in the early part of dating. By the time you are in a formal relationship, you probably already know each other’s friends’ first names. You might even be sending them Christmas and birthday cards regularly.

Jealousy Is A Distant Memory

In a relationship, you no longer have to worry about other men or women paying close attention to your partner. Being in a formal relationship gives you more security since there’s less competition. Apart from that, there’s complete trust in one another, too.

The process of dating and entering a relationship isn’t at all bad. In fact, it’s interesting and exciting. Enjoy while you’re at it.

See Also: 5 Ways To Create the Foundation of a Long Term Relationship

 

The post 7 Ways To Tell That You’ve Gone From Dating To A Relationship appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

7 Ways To Tell That You’ve Gone From Dating To A Relationship

Anybody who has dated and experienced being in a relationship will know how complex the process can get. The longer you continue to see each other, the more dynamic the feelings become.

If you are still in the dark, here are 7 of the most obvious ways to tell if you’ve gone from dating to entering a relationship.

Nightlife Goes From Club To Couch

real relationship

Before, you used to spend most Saturday nights dating people at a bar, cinema, or restaurant. Now that you’re in an actual relationship, it will no longer matter where you are dating. As long as you’re with your loved one, you’ll be happy.

They Don’t Consume Your Every Thought

Once you’ve already gotten over the infatuation stage and realized that you and your partner are in it for the long haul, you’re less likely to think about him all the time. This, however, doesn’t mean that you’re bad. It’s just your brain showing how settled you are.

Arguments Aren’t Disastrous

relationship argument

In the delicate dating stage, one or two arguments can often spell the end of the romance. When you have settled into a real relationship, the bond between you and your partner is already strong enough that you no longer take silly misunderstandings seriously. Instead, you argue a bit, cool off, and the make up again.

They See The Real You

During the dating stage, people tend to create the ideal versions of themselves. It’s a way to entice a partner. However, once you have found someone special, you begin to let your guards down and show your real self. You wear less makeup and you pay less attention to how you look.

The Future Is Talked About

Bringing up what you want in the future is probably one of the worst things you can do when you’re casually dating someone. It’s a sure-fire way to scare somebody off. This changes when you are in a relationship. You find freedom and excitement in discussing what might happen in the next few years.

You’re Fully Connected

The idea of meeting each other’s friends and family is always a bit awkward when you’re still in the early part of dating. By the time you are in a formal relationship, you probably already know each other’s friends’ first names. You might even be sending them Christmas and birthday cards regularly.

Jealousy Is A Distant Memory

In a relationship, you no longer have to worry about other men or women paying close attention to your partner. Being in a formal relationship gives you more security since there’s less competition. Apart from that, there’s complete trust in one another, too.

The process of dating and entering a relationship isn’t at all bad. In fact, it’s interesting and exciting. Enjoy while you’re at it.

See Also: 5 Ways To Create the Foundation of a Long Term Relationship

 

The post 7 Ways To Tell That You’ve Gone From Dating To A Relationship appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

Six Surprising Facts about Attraction

When you find people you feel you are attracted to, do you know what makes them attractive to you in the first place? Sure, they may have a certain personality or career qualities that pique your interest, but what about them is just so attractive?

Why is it that many people have a “type” of person they like to date? It’s highly likely that our feelings and thought processes in selecting a partner are inherent and may even be in our human biology which has evolved and adapted through thousands of years.

So, let’s take a look at these six facts regarding attraction—many of them of which may actually surprise you:

People tend to be attracted to those who look like them

Well now. This is a bit awkward. While this initially seems like a strange or uncomfortable idea, it actually has some form of scientific backing. A study conducted at St. Andrews University has found a direct correlation between facial similarity and attractiveness.

In this specific study, heterosexual men and women were provided photos of people and were asked to identify which people they were attracted to. One of the photos was actually a photo of themselves, photoshopped to look like the opposite sex. Overall, those who participated in this study selected the photoshopped photo of themselves as the most attractive. Strange, right?

This also supports the concept of people being attracted to individuals we see most often compared to others. So, perhaps it’s time you stopped looking at yourself in the mirror quite so much for fear of this slight chance of developing narcissistic tendencies. Thus, people find themselves more attracted to those they spend more time with and those they see frequently in their day-to-day lives.

The “pill” can affect levels of attraction

birth control pills

Yes, that’s right. One of the most common forms of birth control can actually affect attraction. There have been studies that have shown how women may be attracted to different “types” of men depending on where she is in her monthly cycle.

When birth control pills are added to the mix, you are adding different levels of hormones which can definitely have an effect on mood, health, and therefore attraction.

We are unconsciously attracted to people who are capable of reproducing

Men have been found to be more attracted to women when they are most fertile, and women are commonly more attracted to men who they feel would be a great father figure.

Biologically, humans are programmed to mate—when someone is able to identify, feel, or sense when someone is most fertile or even just knowing they can or want to reproduce, that person will find them more attractive.

This is not a conscious effort, but more of an internal, natural instinct that serves to ensure the ongoing survival of our species in the future.

See Also: 6 Ways On How To Attract Love In Your Life

Men are often more attracted to women wearing red

women wearing red

According to a 2008 study, red amplifies the attractiveness of a woman to a man. Some researches show a connection between women wearing red and the moments when women become naturally pink or flushed before or during sexual arousal.

Because of these correlations, it also would appear that women who are wearing red may have a better chance of getting asked out on a date. (Heck, even a second date!)

Men are truly more attracted to women with the hourglass shape

Because men are generally looking for women who are capable of reproducing (again, an internal drive to find a mate who you will reproduce with), they are looking for women with great reproductive capabilities.

They are not generally as fixated on a woman’s size. Rather, they are generally more attracted to someone with a 0.7 waist-to-hip ratio.

While men aren’t able to instantly measure that specific ratio with their naked eye in a split second, it stands that their eye will, by intuition, be most attracted to that figure. Men will subconsciously check for women capable of carrying his children.

We are generally attracted to people who remind us of our parents

It’s fairly common for people to say that a woman is looking for a man who reminds her of her father. This not a sexual thing; it’s more of finding someone who will have a positive role in their lives. The same goes for men looking for a woman who reminds them of their mother.

We are looking for a mate who is a positive role model, will take care of us, and has physical attributes we are familiar with.

At the end of the day, we are attracted to who those we are attracted to. We may know our “types” or what our “ideal” person should be, but there is actually a lot more happening under the surface dictating those feelings and decisions. Biologically, we are made to find someone to mate with and someone who will provide us with not only passion but security as well. We can give our brains a huge thanks for figuring out all of those details for us, and sadly, the rest of our person gets the not-so-easy job of going on a good date.

While the right personality, temperament, and partner-fit are probably the most important factors when it comes to successful long-term relationships, when it comes to attracting a partner in the first place, how we look plays a much bigger part.

See Also: 5 Ways To Create the Foundation of a Long Term Relationship

 

The post Six Surprising Facts about Attraction appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

Living After The Death Of A loved One

I’ve been thinking about death.

My Dad died last year. Diagnosis to death in 5 weeks. A sharp 3-week decline and a 2-week hospital stay. A surgery that was never finished. Cancer had its day.

My friend is fighting off death, just. The big C again. It gets a lot of us. The NHS washed their hands off him. But in his words, “I am not a willing candidate to die.” He’s found advanced treatment in Germany at a cost of £150k.

We’re trying to raise money for him now.

So naturally, death is on my mind. In fact, since my Dad died, I don’t think it’s ever left. Grim has been hanging around, trying to entice me into his home, wanting to add another one to his ledger. He’s wasting his time.

I wish I could say it’s transformed me. That the smell of death has been a timely reminder that life is for a brief sneeze of time. That every second is precious. That life should be seized.

It has, kind of. Lately, it’s sent me to the recesses of my mind to the primeval dwellings where loss, pain and love reside. Like an indefinite Airbnb stay, I’ve been hanging out here.

death hit by a train

And I think loss does that to you. I think it’s like being hit by a train, but not realising you’ve been hit until you wake up from the coma you’ve been in for the last 6 months. And then you hurt. Basic function for 6 months, just about connecting with reality, and then massive constant pain.

The sort of pain that induces lethargy in the day but keeps you up all night. The sort of pain that makes you relive conversations and edit them for better outcomes. The sort of pain that blunts your reality, right here, right now.

And, like climbing out of quicksand, dealing with it can be hard. The first step is to acknowledge you’re in quicksand. Acknowledge the emotional pain you’re in, and then be still until you understand what that means. Only then can you begin to deal with it.

I’m writing this to say that struggling to deal with loss is okay. That you are not alone. That, you are suffering along a journey that millions of others before you have dealt with, and you can take comfort from that. They got through it, and so can you.

It’s hard, yes. If you acknowledge that, instead of carrying it with you, it gets easier. Realise that you’re human, that it’s okay to hurt, and that even the tiniest pitter patter of steps forward is progress.

In fact, largely, you soon realise that dealing with loss is hard, not just because of the loss itself, but because of the expectation you place on yourself that you should be fine about it.

“Just get on with it.” “You’ve got to keep living.” And so on. You find yourself comparing daily to the imaginary measuring stick you’ve set for yourself. “I should be doing better by now.” Like we do with our careers, or comparing with our friends. But worse, because this is pure loss.

So you’ve got to get rid of that measuring stick, and realise that it will take as long as it takes. Sure, there are ways to deal with it better, but time is the ultimate judge.

In fact, some loss never leaves us, and that’s okay. Do I think my Mum will ever fully heal from losing my Dad? No, because it was a 48-year old love. A deep-rooted, soulful kind of love. And the loss of that is the reminder of the love that was there. And so it can’t fully heal because of how deeply they loved each other.

coping with loss

And that’s fine. Because we can take that loss and use it daily as a reminder of how capable of love we are. We can say, “Today I hurt from loss, and I am going out into the world and expressing love. In my interactions, in my relationships, in my career.

Sharing is also liberating. Talking to others, sharing your pain. It gives the other person the chance to express their love and it helps to fill your empty cup. It creates new connections and new possibilities.

See Also: How To Get Back a Normal Life After a Loss

My friend who is battling death is a wonderful example. Stoic-like, he says to me, “I can acknowledge this is what happened (getting ill). Then I have two choices. I can either let the pain I feel own me and overwhelm me, and I’ll die. Or I can use it, acknowledge it, and solve the problem in front of me (getting better).”

So dealing with pain means acknowledging pain and going into the world anyway. It’s not pretending it doesn’t exist. That’s the same as being shaped by it. Instead, it’s saying, “Hello pain, hello loss, I see you,” and then getting from your day anyway.

See Also: 8 Tips for Coping with Pet Loss

 

The post Living After The Death Of A loved One appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

Tips for Grooms: How To Beat Nerves On Your Wedding Day

Only a man can understand the state of mind of a groom on his wedding day. People may think that brides have more worries on the day, but very few know that even men wait for this special day with bated breath. Unlike women, they are not good at expressing their emotions.

Are you the groom-to-be? Are you looking forward for the big event to arrive? Is the thought of commitment making your blood run cold?

Check out these basic pointers on how grooms can get rid of anxiety on their wedding day.

Prepare for the day

There is a saying, “Practice makes a man perfect”. This applies to your wedding day as well. Fear of taking center-stage and facing the crowd might be making you feel like a cat on a hot brick. Stage phobia adds to the nervousness.

The best way to get rid of this is to practice your part well. Rehearse the entire ceremony with your lady multiple times. You can make the auspicious day even more special with your perfection. Learn the lines of your speech by heart.

Share your anxiety with your married friends

talk to your friends

Ladies can share their feelings with their mother, sisters, and friends. However, men are not comfortable with sharing their state of mind with others.

In this case, close friends can prove to be your savior. Talk to your besties who are already married. They can give you valuable advice and put you at ease.

At the same time, you need to stay away from negative people. There will be guys in your circle of friends who will end up confusing you even more. Keep your distance from them, and choose the right person to confide in.

Be a part of the arrangements

An empty mind is the devil’s workshop. This is the time when the rest of your family members are busy, but you have a lot of free time. This is when the groom starts thinking too much.

The best way to keep your distance from negative thoughts is to keep yourself busy. Volunteer for some of the preparations like communicating with your groomsmen and ushers. You’ll be doing your bride a favor by taking some of the pressure off her.

Spend some time with the girl

There is nothing better than sharing your insecurities and concerns with the woman to whom you are getting married. You are in the same situation, after all.

Moreover, she has got all the right to know what you are thinking about as it is your future together at stake. It is the big day for both of you. So, begin the new chapter of your life with any sort of confusion. Be very honest about your feelings with your partner.

Exercise and meditate

exercise

Hitting the gym or spending some quiet time with yourself is the best way to calm yourself. Meditation is a holistic and scientific method that can help you deal with your bout of nerves and anxiety. Regular meditation will also help you center yourself when you are out of equilibrium.

See Also: How to Meditate When All The Other Techniques Don’t Work

Spend some quiet time a day before

Every married man can attest that the night before the wedding is the toughest one. In case your turbulent mind is not letting you sleep, take a small walk in the garden and listen to your favorite music. Relax and wear some airy clothing before going to bed. This will help you sleep.

Bachelorhood is fun, but there is nothing like the true companionship that marriage brings. Giving up your freedom and independence is what bothers men a lot. However, married life has got its own charms. Once you have made up your mind for the lifelong commitment, there is no looking back. Just keep the above points in mind and enjoy the special day with your soulmate.

 

The post Tips for Grooms: How To Beat Nerves On Your Wedding Day appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

This Powerful Lesson Explains Why Inner Beauty Trumps Good Looks

Ever had an insult cut you so deep that it still stings years later?

Mine occurred in my early 20s – the day after I’d been dumped. It was a deserved break-up. I’d treated her terribly for months. As I went to unfriend her on Facebook, I spotted the following status:

“It’s funny when you see how ugly someone is on the inside, how ugly they become on the outside.”

Urgh. This hit home hard. Not only because I’d been a bad boyfriend, but also because these words were so shockingly true.

She’d described a sensation that happens to all of us when we truly hate someone. In her eyes, I was an ogre.

It hurt, but it also taught an important lesson about inner and outer beauty.

–The power of perception–

Have you browsed through photos of an ex and wondered what you were thinking, even though you used to be besotted? Or seen yourself in the mirror and cringed, despite being delighted with your appearance days earlier?

This is the brain’s reticular activating system (RAS) in action. It controls our selective focus, deciding what captures our attention and what remains as a background blur.

Studies suggest that this function is programmed to focus on whatever matches our inner belief system. If we believe someone is seriously awesome, our RAS searches for evidence to back that up. But when we don’t like someone, our brain focuses on their flaws.

This works for personalities and physical features. Yes, our brains actually perceive pictures of a partner differently depending on how we feel about them.

–Why inner beauty is important–

inner beauty best

This theory explains why no mother thinks their son is ugly – or why so many husbands believe they have the hottest wife in the world.

It also explains why I fell for my ex in the first place. When I first set eyes on her, I thought she was nothing special. But then I spotted her dancing crazily on the nightclub table. Suddenly, she was the sexiest woman in the venue – and I had to have her. My perception flipped within minutes.

This phenomenon may be even more powerful with women. Sure, being physically attractive plays a part when they’re selecting a partner, but it’s in their DNA to find a good fit for raising a family. She wants a man that can be a fantastic role model for her children.

That’s why qualities like confidence, honesty and a strong character are arguably more important to her than being handsome.

M. Farouk Radwan, psychologist and founder of 2knowmyself.com, explains: “A man can choose his life partner in seconds after seeing her, but a woman usually needs more time to assess the man’s personality traits, as most women give them higher weight than looks.

“Of course, a woman would like to be with an attractive man, but to most women, looks won’t count that much, provided that the man looks acceptable and that he possesses the important personality traits they are looking for.”

–Why good-looking men get all the girls–

good looks

If this theory is true, why aren’t there tons of short, fat, bald dudes dating supermodels?

Sadly, most of these men are so caught up with their less-than-perfect appearance they can’t show the qualities that women are actually looking for. They don’t feel entitled to be confident, unstifled, daring, strong-willed ambitious etc.

Meanwhile, the tall strong sports athlete has no issue showing these attributes. Society gives these stereotypes permission to act like God’s gift to women. They’re expected to be bold, sociable, secure in their own skin, so it’s simple for them to be this way.

My advice for men and women who don’t meet society’s ideal standards of beauty? Stop complaining about being too tall, short, fat, skinny, black, white. It doesn’t matter. Do what you can to improve your body, fashion, nutrition – then work on your inner beauty.

Smile big, laugh often, become more sociable, be comfortable in your own skin. Give compliments, help others, find your passion, make bold decisions, follow your dreams. Live life to its fullest.

You’ll be amazed how this affects your dating life. Women will be falling at your feet. They’ll call you handsome, sexy etc regardless of what you actually look like.

It’s funny when they see how beautiful you are on the inside, how beautiful you become on the outside.

See Also: 6 Ways On How To Attract Love In Your Life 

 

The post This Powerful Lesson Explains Why Inner Beauty Trumps Good Looks appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

This Powerful Lesson Explains Why Inner Beauty Trumps Good Looks

Ever had an insult cut you so deep that it still stings years later?

Mine occurred in my early 20s – the day after I’d been dumped. It was a deserved break-up. I’d treated her terribly for months. As I went to unfriend her on Facebook, I spotted the following status:

“It’s funny when you see how ugly someone is on the inside, how ugly they become on the outside.”

Urgh. This hit home hard. Not only because I’d been a bad boyfriend, but also because these words were so shockingly true.

She’d described a sensation that happens to all of us when we truly hate someone. In her eyes, I was an ogre.

It hurt, but it also taught an important lesson about inner and outer beauty.

–The power of perception–

Have you browsed through photos of an ex and wondered what you were thinking, even though you used to be besotted? Or seen yourself in the mirror and cringed, despite being delighted with your appearance days earlier?

This is the brain’s reticular activating system (RAS) in action. It controls our selective focus, deciding what captures our attention and what remains as a background blur.

Studies suggest that this function is programmed to focus on whatever matches our inner belief system. If we believe someone is seriously awesome, our RAS searches for evidence to back that up. But when we don’t like someone, our brain focuses on their flaws.

This works for personalities and physical features. Yes, our brains actually perceive pictures of a partner differently depending on how we feel about them.

–Why inner beauty is important–

inner beauty best

This theory explains why no mother thinks their son is ugly – or why so many husbands believe they have the hottest wife in the world.

It also explains why I fell for my ex in the first place. When I first set eyes on her, I thought she was nothing special. But then I spotted her dancing crazily on the nightclub table. Suddenly, she was the sexiest woman in the venue – and I had to have her. My perception flipped within minutes.

This phenomenon may be even more powerful with women. Sure, being physically attractive plays a part when they’re selecting a partner, but it’s in their DNA to find a good fit for raising a family. She wants a man that can be a fantastic role model for her children.

That’s why qualities like confidence, honesty and a strong character are arguably more important to her than being handsome.

M. Farouk Radwan, psychologist and founder of 2knowmyself.com, explains: “A man can choose his life partner in seconds after seeing her, but a woman usually needs more time to assess the man’s personality traits, as most women give them higher weight than looks.

“Of course, a woman would like to be with an attractive man, but to most women, looks won’t count that much, provided that the man looks acceptable and that he possesses the important personality traits they are looking for.”

–Why good-looking men get all the girls–

good looks

If this theory is true, why aren’t there tons of short, fat, bald dudes dating supermodels?

Sadly, most of these men are so caught up with their less-than-perfect appearance they can’t show the qualities that women are actually looking for. They don’t feel entitled to be confident, unstifled, daring, strong-willed ambitious etc.

Meanwhile, the tall strong sports athlete has no issue showing these attributes. Society gives these stereotypes permission to act like God’s gift to women. They’re expected to be bold, sociable, secure in their own skin, so it’s simple for them to be this way.

My advice for men and women who don’t meet society’s ideal standards of beauty? Stop complaining about being too tall, short, fat, skinny, black, white. It doesn’t matter. Do what you can to improve your body, fashion, nutrition – then work on your inner beauty.

Smile big, laugh often, become more sociable, be comfortable in your own skin. Give compliments, help others, find your passion, make bold decisions, follow your dreams. Live life to its fullest.

You’ll be amazed how this affects your dating life. Women will be falling at your feet. They’ll call you handsome, sexy etc regardless of what you actually look like.

It’s funny when they see how beautiful you are on the inside, how beautiful you become on the outside.

See Also: 6 Ways On How To Attract Love In Your Life 

 

The post This Powerful Lesson Explains Why Inner Beauty Trumps Good Looks appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

Senior Care- What You Need To Know About Assisted Living

Discovering that a family member is finding it difficult to handle daily living activities means that you need to start learning about senior care. Assisted living is among the options that are available and it refers to different senior care services that provide several benefits to seniors and their caregivers. As many people age and deal with long-term illnesses, professional care is a healthy and viable choice for your loved one and will benefit the entire family.

Personalized Care

One of the reasons why assisted living is popular is because it is personalized. Facilities that offer assisted living do not offer one package to cover everyone’s needs. Any senor who resides within the community has a distinct personality, certain traits and medical conditions.

Professional caregivers make sure that everyone gets the support they need on a personalized basis. Whether an elderly person has mobility issues or struggles with memory loss, a professional will address their specified and individual needs.

See Also: 5 Exercises to Improve Posture and Mobility for Seniors

Safety

assisted living
Via senior-care-resources

An assisted living facility is designed to minimize risks and hazards for its senor residents. Installing certain types of safety equipment at home can be expensive. At an assisted living residence, additional components of safety are standardized and have a positive effect on the mobility of your loved ones. They also reduce the risk of seniors experiencing injuries that arise from falling and any other incidents.

Quick Response to Emergencies

While every step is taken to maximize the safety of seniors, accidents may occur. Trained professionals are hired by assisted living facilities and they are available throughout the day in case of a medical emergency. Transportation to medical facilities for routine check-ups or non-emergency situations is also organized by the staff.

Freedom and Privacy

Professionals monitor the health needs of each resident without compromising on their privacy or need for personal space. Regardless of how much daily care your loved one may need, they still enjoy their freedom, privacy, independence and mobility. It can be challenging for seniors to move away from their families and homes but they usually enjoy being able to have their privacy and freedom.

Supportive Environment

If an elderly person has the ability to perform various tasks without any exposure to danger, professionals will always support them and their efforts to be independent. This is essential for the individual’s general well being.

Active Lifestyle

assisted living entertainment
Via nharch

Assisted living provides activities during which exercise and physical mobility are encouraged. Staying active and being mobile not only helps the senor regain their youthfulness, it also helps to prolong life by keeping diseases at bay. The facilities provide a variety of recreational activities that are aimed at keeping seniors healthy. This helps them to maintain an active lifestyle.

Conclusion

Taking good care of elderly people is vital. With the assistance of an assisted living facility and trained staff, you and your family have the assurance that your lived one will be able to enjoy a higher quality of life as well as their independence. Older family members can get the care that they need at assisted living facilities that are committed to enhancing the well-being and happiness of each of their residents.

 

The post Senior Care- What You Need To Know About Assisted Living appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

Get off the Roller Coaster: 3 Steps to a Lasting Relationship

The day of love is upon us, Valentines Day! Some look forward to this day as they await patiently for their flower or candy delivery from their loved one. For others, it’s a good day to call in sick, watch slasher films, and avoid the commercialized symbolism of love. I’m often asked about love and relationships. Many find it easy to get into a relationship but not too long afterward they feel dissatisfied.

There is a reason you stay on the relationship rollercoaster. It’s damn exciting…until you’re completely nauseated. You jump off and compose yourself but then jump right back on only remembering the thrill. It’s ok to do this for a while. What else is youth for? But if you’re caught in this cycle, it can be self-destructive.

If you’re ready for lasting love instead of swiping tinder on your lunch break or hitting the hottest happy hours in hopes of getting swept off your barstool, try these three steps.

DECIDE what you really want in a mate

courting relationship

Many can jabber on about physical features or the size of a desired bank account. But let’s get real folks; that’s not all there is to it. What you really want from a life partner is similar to what you want for yourself in the future. Opposites may attract but they usually don’t last.

What are your hobbies, desires, ideology that you would like to have in common with a mate? What do you need from a partner emotionally?

Make a list of what is truly important to you. Also, make a list of things you do NOT want. Does sarcasm rub you the wrong way? If you’re a thrill seeker, don’t entertain dating a homebody. Get specific with earnest attributes that are good for YOU. If you don’t have a clear picture of what you want, it will be hard for the Universe to accommodate you.

COMMIT to yourself

What does that mean? Commit to the list! You’ve taken the time to decide what kind of partner is right for you, so stick to it. Stop wasting time on everyone else. If you go out one night and meet Mr. GQ or Mr. Moneybags but he’s the opposite of what you truly desire, run the other way. Don’t get caught up in surface level characteristics; otherwise, you’ll be complaining how you’ve wasted six months (or longer) dating Mr. Wrong.

A friend once set me up on a dutch dinner date with someone who was supposedly a ‘real catch’ and outwardly he was. It was going great so afterward, we went to my place to watch a movie. Without asking me, he started eating my leftover takeout until it was gone. It was a red flag for me and I never took another call nor saw him again. When my friend ask why I didn’t return his call, I simply said, “Because he ate my cheeseburger”.

Okay, it’s wasn’t ALL about the burger. But I didn’t want to waste time when I was completely turned off on the first date. Some media outlets want you to think that there is only a small pool of single men or women so you better hook one quickly. That’s simply not true. When you commit to what’s right for you and show the Universe that you will not settle for less, it will provide.

See Also: How to Handle a New Relationship

ENGAGE on a personal level with the potential partner before engaging in any sexual activity

personal relatiionship

I’m not trying to suppress your sexual expression or feminism or whatever reason it is that you hop in the sack on the second date. It’s about your commitment you’ve made to yourself. Does he have the attributes on the list? And no you cannot rattle off questions the first night checking each item like you would go about your grocery list. It takes time.

Have those three hour long conversations on the phone. Take long walks together or Sunday drives. It’s easier to open up when you don’t have to make constant eye contact. Get to know each other on a genuine level. Sex is subjective so don’t muddy the water by jumping into the sack too quickly.

See Also: Tips for a Healthy Relationship

When you make definitive decisions about what’s right for you and stick to, it the Universe will make a path for that person. It’s really that simple.

Love and Light
Michele~

 

The post Get off the Roller Coaster: 3 Steps to a Lasting Relationship appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico

Where to Find Friends and Support During Addiction Recovery

When you’re in rehab, you have a support system of therapists, group leaders and fellow patients. However, when you go back to your everyday life, you may suddenly find yourself alone. It can be difficult to get through work and your other responsibilities without anyone there to soothe you.

Perhaps you don’t live near family and friends, or they’re enablers. They also may just not understand what you’re going through and not be able to help. If you don’t have a therapist you see regularly either, you may feel lost.

After rehab, it’s crucial that you have a period where you can transition back into your everyday life and get on your feet again. This can be difficult to do, especially when substance abuse was your primary coping mechanism. You need people you can turn to who are reliable, as well as places you can go if you feel like you’re slipping back into your old behaviors.

Fortunately, there are a number of ways you can garner support during this tough time. The following are places to look for support during your post-rehab recovery period:

Individual or Group Therapy

family-counselling

Before you exit rehab, you should be set up with a private therapist who has addiction counseling experience. If that didn’t happen, ask your rehab for referrals.

Depending on your situation, you may want to visit a marriage or family therapist, too. An alternative to individual or family therapy is addiction group therapy, which may be lower in cost and give you more of a support system.

Peer-to-Peer Support Groups

group therapy

Recovery support groups, or peer-to-peer groups, are essential to your recovery. It’s been proven that when you join these types of meetings, you are much more likely to stay sober. Similar to rehab, you are connected with people who are going through the same or similar situations. They’ve all struggled with addiction and know where you are coming from, so you won’t feel like an outcast or like you don’t belong. In fact, you should feel accepted and related to.

Two popular peer-to-peer groups are Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. You can use Addiction.com’s meeting finder to determine the most convenient location for you. In AA and NA, participants stand up, explain why they are in the group and how it has changed their life, as well as what their path to recovery has been like. Then, other members can volunteer to talk about their stories too. You may even establish a relationship with a sponsor you can call if you’re in need of help or you just want to check in. These are informal settings, so there is no pressure to share or connect with a sponsor if you don’t want to.

Organizations like the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration and the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence give you information on the various types of meetings available as well.

You may also find support within your local church, synagogue or mosque, or you can use a toll-free telephone hotline if you find yourself in need. Most of these hotlines are staffed 24/7 with helpful individuals who can give you referrals for additional support.

Your Rehab Facility

If you live near your rehab facility, they may provide support to you as part of an ongoing outpatient program. Most likely, your rehab will set you up with support outside of the facility. They will be there for you in your time of need, however, so don’t hesitate to reach out to them at any point.

A Successful Recovery Is Possible

Addiction recovery is not easy. Without the care and support of friends, family and professionals, you may feel like you can’t get through the hard times.

But don’t despair. Wherever you live, you can find a meeting, a therapist, friends, or simply pick up the phone to talk to someone on a hotline. Always remember that it’s normal to need help from a variety of sources at this time, even if it means going to groups and talking one-on-one with mental health professionals.

A full recovery outside of rehab is possible. It just takes time, patience and a little work to find the support you need to succeed.

See Also: 8 Drug Addiction Treatment Programs To Help You Break Free

The post Where to Find Friends and Support During Addiction Recovery appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Powered by WPeMatico