And That's When the Fight Started

I heard my wife crying in the bathroom. “Honey? What’s wrong” I asked.

“Oh, George! Just look at me: I’m getting so old! I have more gray in my hair than blonde, I have varicose veins on both of my legs, and I’m just fat and wrinkled all over! I really need someone to say something positive about me right now!”

I looked deeply into her eyes and said softly: “Your vision’s real good, honey. That’s something, isn’t it?”

And that’s when the fight started….

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Two Twosomes

John and Hy were out playing golf on a nice Saturday afternoon. They were getting frustrated, though, because the two women who were playing right in front of them were quite slow and were holding up the men’s game.

“Don’t they know they’re supposed to let us play through?” John asked.

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Idiot Sightings

For once, an item that doesn’t insist “These are really true!” …yet they probably are.

Idiot Sighting: The hubby and I had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a “large enough” motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, “Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.” I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, “No, it’s not. Four is larger than two.” We haven’t used Sears repair since.

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Things My Mom Taught Me

My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done: “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside — I just finished cleaning!”

My mother taught me religion: “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

My mother taught me about time travel: “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

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