Australians who grew up in the ’90s, you’ve already fastened your cowrie shell necklace ready to spew Opinions on this one.
Everyone else, meet Heartbreak High.
Netflix has dropped its trailer for the remake of the iconic ’90s Australian teen show, where seven seasons of TV Hits-endorsed crushes roamed the fictional Hartley High — we’re talkin’ rollerblading, eyebrow-pierced class clown Drazic (Callan Mulvey), eternally-awesome rebel Katerina (Ada Nicodemu), no-nonsense Anita (Lara Cox), and OG protagonist Nick (Alex Dimitriades).
In the 2022 version, created by Hannah Carroll Chapman alongside original creators Ben Gannon and Michael Jenkins, we meet the rebellious Amerie (Ayesha Madon), who inexplicably draws a chart of all the year’s hookups on a secret mural map that gets discovered — it’s like the Burn Book from Mean Girls. She ends up hated by the school, with no friends but her besties Quinn (Chloe Hayden) and Darren (James Majoos).
Meanwhile, in a storyline seemingly thieved straight from Sex Education, the school is forced into a Sexual Literacy Program to get smart about their apparently mapped out horniness.
If they don’t say “rack off” in this series I’m sending an email. There’s at least one “bugger off” in the trailer, so I’m hopeful.
Heartbreak High comes to Netflix Sept. 14.