12 years living as a mother with AIDS
02/08/2007
"My husband died of AIDS in 1995. A few days before, I was diagnosed with HIV and everything has changed in my life". The widow and mother of six children, is 48 years and working as a teacher in a public primary school in Zimbabwe. She has been one of the beneficiaries of the SOS family strengthening programme in Zimbabwe for about three years. She is regularly provided with food, school books for the children and medicines. She continued:
"I was diagnosed HIV positive in 1995, a few days before the death of my late husband. I cried a lot, I was desperate and hopeless. As you may already guess, I couldn't believe that I was HIV positive. No, this couldn't happen to me. I have always been careful with my health. I tested regularly and I had protected sex even with my husband. I was always running to my doctor when something was wrong with my body. I couldn't believe that I am HIV positive and I didn't want to believe, but the sad reality was there and the only thing I could do was to be courageous and face it. After I left my doctor this day, I started praying. God help me through. What strengthened me were my family members who were so supportive. They didn't abandon me. They supported me a lot by interacting with me positively.
HIV-AIDS is such a surreal experience, until you get the positive results you never think it's your problem.
The first one to three years were really hard. I got very sick. It was hard to get through whole days of being in bed. I had massive fatigue. I lost my job because I was too tired to work. Before joining the family strengthening programme, it was very difficult for me as I had to cover my personal needs, that of the children and make sure that everything was OK at home. It was not possible for us to eat every day, because we had not money to buy food. When I was healthy, my day was full with activities besides my job, which allowed me to satisfy all the needs of my family without difficulties. But things have changed abruptly and we neither had money for the food nor for the medicines.
I became part of the SOS family strengthening programme after three years of hassle. This program started here just at the right moment and I have always thought that it is the Almighty God that directed SOS Children to me.
The family strengthening programme has changed my life a lot. I am not healed from my illness, but I feel better at the moment than during the previous years. Even one of my children who is also sick is okay with his brothers and sisters. We eat every day and well. My ill child receives milk regularly and this is very important for him because he has not enough strenghth. The children go to school with everything needed for that. The programme relieved me of a great responsibility.
I have resumed work as a teacher, but as much as before. I have not enough energy to do several things at the same time; I content myself just doing the strict minimum. My colleagues help me. We have good relations and they take care to overload me. I am not the only one in this situation; there are also some colleagues who are HIV positive like me. Here, many people are directly or indirectly touched by HIV/AIDS. I appreciate the great solidarity towards us.
Along with my work, I now also volunteer to help with for the family strengthening programme. I am happy about being a volunteer because I can bring my help to people who suffer like me. I also suffer, but the difference is that I feel more stable. So, I have to communicate my optimism to the hopeless and help them be strong. At least three times a week, I visit families and people suffering from AIDS. I encourage them to keep positive, to take a stand and have a healthy attitude. Another problem is the prejudice and stigma that surrounds the disease. Many people die because they are ashamed of HIV/AIDS. They are afraid of testing voluntarily. They ignore the ways of transmission. Most of them think that the only way of transmission is the sexual one, and they are ashamed of it. I always try to convince them of the benefits of the voluntary test, and I also explain to them that there are several ways of transmission except sexual relations.
It is very difficult to speak with an HIV positive person. You must not only have courage, but also and especially the need to live in order to transfer optimism to the person in front of you. AIDS is not just an illness of the body. It is an illness of society as the hurtful and varied effects generally affect the whole society. When I speak with HIV positive people, the first thing that I tell them is that I am also HIV positive, but I want to live. The objective is to make the person forget that he is going to die very soon and live life as if nothing has happened. Generally, they are very surprised to know that I am also ill. They open to me, they confide, and I take advantage to open a real conversation.
People listen closely to me when I speak to them because I always take the time to explain widely what the matter is. I made several training workshops on voluntary service and I know what method to use in a precise circumstance. It is important that the voice of an HIV person is heard. I feel well in doing it and I also feel useful. It gives me respect within society and it values me. When I pass somewhere, there are people who call me, who ask me questions on their status and who know that they can count on me.
Twelve years have gone by since that dreadful day and I'm still trying to cope with the fact of dying and leaving my sons behind, but what I have learned is to live like it was going to be your last day. I don't know how long I have to live. I have been taking anti-retroviral drugs for several years. I believe God will save my children and I wish that they continue their studies very well. I give a big thank to SOS.
Relevant Countries: Zimbabwe.