The Sorcerers' Crossing: Chapter 10.

The Sorcerers' Crossing - A Woman's Journey ©1992 by Taisha Abelar.

Chapter 10

Clara sat on a rattan armchair at the edge of the patio, and she brushed her shiny black hair.

Then she arranged it with her fingers until everything was in place.

After she had finished grooming herself, she brought her left palm to her forehead and stroked it in a circular fashion.

Then she moved her hand over the top of her head and down the back of her neck; after which she flicked her wrists and fingers in the air.

She repeated that stroking and flicking sequence several more times.

I was fascinated as I watched her movements.

There was nothing careless or haphazard about them. She performed them with intense concentration; as if she were engaged in a most important task.

I broke the silence by asking, "What are you doing? Are you giving yourself some sort of a facial massage?"

Clara glanced over at me and saw I was imitating her movements while I sat on the matching armchair.

She said, "It may appear like a facial massage to you, but it is not.

"These movements are sorcery passes, and this circular stroking prevents wrinkles from forming on my forehead.

"Sorcery passes are designed to gather energy for a specific purpose."

I flicked my wrists the way Clara had done, and I asked, "What specific purpose is that?"

Clara said, "The purpose of these sorcery passes is to keep oneself looking youthful by preventing wrinkles from forming.

"This purpose has been decided beforehand; and not by me, but by power itself."

I had to admit that whatever Clara was doing certainly worked. She had lovely skin that set off her green eyes and dark hair.

I had always believed that her youthful appearance was the consequence of her Indian genes. I never suspected that she deliberately cultivated it by means of specific movements.

Clara said that whenever she gathered the energy of her awareness, as in the case of these sorcery passes, it is called power.

She also said that whether energy is gathered under someone's command, or by itself, it is still referred to as power.

"Remember this, Taisha. You are going to hear much more about power; and not just from me, but from the others, too. They are expected back any time now."

Although Clara had constantly referred to her relatives, by now I had given up all hope of ever meeting them.

Her references to power had been an additional matter.

I never understood what she meant by power.

Clara announced, "I am going to show you some sorcery passes that you must perform every day of your life from now on."

She told me to do so many things every day of my life; the breathing, the recapitulation, the kung fu exercises, and the long walks; that if I lined up back to back everything she told me to do, there would not be enough hours in the day for even half of them.

I let out a sigh of complaint.

Clara saw my pained expression, and said, "For heaven's sake, Taisha, do not take me so literally.

"I am cramming all I can into your peewee brain because I want you to know about all these things.

"Knowledge can assist in gathering your energetc awareness, so therefore knowledge is power.

Clara said that if I wanted to make any sorcery act work, I need only know what I intended as the result.

She added that I need not even know the purpose of the results I intended.

"If you could decide the purpose of your sorcery actions, you would be creating sorcery.

"And you and I do not have that much power."

I moved my chair closer, and said, "I do not think I am following you, Clara. For what do we not have enough power?"

"I mean that even together the two of us can not gather the overwhelming energy it would take to create a new purpose for the sorcery passes.

"But, individually we can certainly gather enough energy to intend the results of these sorcery passes; no wrinkles for us.

"That is is all we can do. The passes' purpose, to keep us young and youthful looking, has already been set."

I asked, "Is it like the recapitulation whose end result had been intended beforehand by the ancient sorcerers?"

Clara replied, "Exactly.

"The intent of all of our sorcery acts has already been set. All we have to do is hook our awareness to it."

Clara moved her chair across from me so that our knees were barely touching.

Then she vigorously rubbed each thumb on the palm of the opposite hand and placed them on the bridge of her nose.

She moved them outward with light, even strokes over her eyebrows to the temples.

Clara explained, "This pass will keep furrows from developing between your eyebrows."

After quickly rubbing together her index fingers, like two sticks starting a fire, she brought them vertically to each side of her nose and gently moved them sideways over her cheeks several times.

She said, "That is to clear the sinus cavities."

Clara deliberately constricting her nasal passages, then said, "Instead of picking your nose, do that movement."

I did not appreciate her reference to my picking my nose, but I tried the movement, and it did clear my sinuses.

Then she said, "The next pass is to keep the cheeks from sagging."

She briskly rubbed her palms together, and she slid them up each cheek to her temples using long, firm strokes.

She repeated this movement six or seven times; always using slow, even, upward strokes.

I noticed Clara's face was flushed, but she did not stop.

She placed the inner edge of her hand with her thumb folded over her palm above her upper lip, and rubbed back and forth with a vigorous saw-like motion.

She explained that the spot where the nose and upper lip join, when briskly rubbed, stimulates energy to flow in mild, even bursts.

"If you get drowsy in the cave while recapitulating, rub this point briskly, and it will temporarily revive you," she said.

I rubbed my upper lip and felt my nose and ears clear.

I also experienced a slight numbing sensation on the roof of my palate.

It lasted for a few seconds but took my breath away.

It left me with the sensation that I was just about to uncover something that was veiled.

Clara told me that if greater bursts of energy were needed, they could be obtained by pricking the point at the center of the upper gum underneath the upper lip and below the nose septum.

Clara moved her index fingers sideways under her chin, again using a quick back-and-forth saw-like motion.

She explained that stimulating the point under the chin produces a calm alertness.

She added that we can also activate this point by resting the chin on a low table while sitting on the floor.

Following her suggestion, I moved my cushion to the floor and sat on it, and rested my chin on a wooden crate that was just level with my face.

By leaning forward, I put a slight pressure on that chin point Clara had indicated.

After a few moments, I felt my body settle down. A prickling sensation rose up my back, and entered my head, and my breathing became deeper and more rhythmic.

Clara continued, "Another way to awake the center under the chin is by lying on the stomach with the hands in fists, one on top of the other, under the chin."

She recommended that when doing the exercise with the fists, we should tense them to create pressure under the chin, and then relax them to release the pressure.

She said that tensing and relaxing the fists produces a pulsating movement that sends small bursts of energy to a vital center directly connected with the base of the tongue.

Clara stressed that this exercise should be done cautiously; otherwise I might develop a sore throat.

I went to sit in the rattan chair again.

Clara continued, "The group of sorcery passes I have shown you must be practiced daily until they cease to be massage-like movements, and they become what they really are; sorcery passes.

She ordered, "Watch me!"

I saw her repeat the movements she had shown me, except that this time she was making her fingers and hands dance.

Her hands seemed at times to penetrate deeply into the skin of her face.

At other times, her hands passed over her skin lightly; gliding on its surface.

Clara's hands began moving more quickly; so rapidly that they seemed to disappear.

Watching her exquisite movements kept me mesmerized.

When Clara had finished, she laughed, "This way of stroking was never in your inventory. This is sorcery.

"It requires an intent different from the intent of the daily world.

"With all the tension that rises to the face, we certainly need a different intent if we are going to relax the muscles, and tone the awareness centers located there."

Clara said that all our emotions leave traces on our face more than on any other part of our body.

Therefore, we have to release accumulated stress using the sorcery passes with their accompanying intent.

She stared at me for a moment and remarked, "I see from the tension in your face that you have been pondering over your recapitulation.

"Be sure to do your passes before going to bed tonight to remove those creases in your forehead."

I admitted that I had been worrying about my recapitulation.

Clara said with a wink, "The problem is that you are spending too much time in the cave. I do not want you turning into a bat-girl.

"By now I think you have gathered enough energy to start learning other things."

She jumped out of the chair as if released by a spring.

I laughed at the incongruity of my seeing such a powerful woman jumping up so agilely.

I myself got up more slowly; as if I were twice her size.

Clara looked at me, shook her head, and noted, "You are too stiff. You need to do some special physical exercise to open your vital centers."

Clara and I went to the rack outside the back door of the house where the coats and boots were kept.

Clara handed me a wide-rimmed straw hat, and she led me to a clearing a short distance from the kitchen annex.

The sun shone brightly, and it was an unusually warm day.

Clara told me to put on the hat.

She pointed to an area surrounded by a wire fence where the ground had been dug in furrows. The ground was lined with small plants in neat parallel rows.

I was surprised because I had never noticed Clara working there.

I asked, "Who cleared the ground and put in all the plants? It looks like a huge project.

Did you do it yourself?"

Clara replied, "No. Someone else came and did it for me."

"But when? I have been here every day, and I did not see anyone."

Clara said, "That is no mystery. The person who worked on this vegetable garden came when you were at the cave."

Her explanation did not satisfy me.

The garden was so well organized that it looked like it had taken more than one person to lay it out.

Before I could probe her further, Clara announced, "From now on, you will take care of this garden. Consider it your new task."

I had thought that by physical exercise Clara meant that we were going to practice a new martial art form; preferably one using a classical Chinese weapon like the broadsword, or long pole.

I tried not to show my disappointment at being given yet another task that required daily attention.

Clara, seeing my downcast look, assured me that cultivating a garden would be good for me. She said it would give me the physical activity, and exposure to the sun, that I needed for health, and well-being.

She also pointed out that, for more than six months, I had been doing nothing but focusing on incidents of my life. My caring for something outside of myself would prevent me from becoming more self-centered.

It shocked me to realize that half a year had passed.

To me, it seemed like only yesterday that I had come to Clara's house, and my life had changed so drastically that nothing remained the same.

Clara jolted me out of my train of thought by saying, "Most people only know how to care for themselves; and not very well at that.

"Because of their overwhelming emphasis on themselves, most people's self becomes distorted; full of outrageous demands."

Clara walked me to a wooden gate; the entrance to the garden.

Clara said, "Working in this garden will give you a special kind of energy that you can not get from recapitulating, or from breathing, or from practicing kung fu."

"What kind of energy is that?"

She replied, "The energy of the earth."

Clara's eyes were as green as the new plants.

She added, "The energy of the earth complements the energy of the sun.

"Perhaps you will feel it entering through your hands as you work the soil. Or energy may start to flow into your legs as you squat on the ground."

I had never worked in a garden before, and I was not sure what to do.

I asked Clara to outline my duties.

Clara peered at me for a moment as if wondering if she had picked the right person for the task.

She stooped down and touched the soil, then said, "The ground is still moist from yesterday's rain. But when it is dry, you will have to carry buckets of water from the stream. Or if you are very clever, you can devise an irrigation system."

Confidently I said, "I might just do that.

"I will construct an electric water pump like one I saw at a house in the country, and I will connect the pump to the dynamo. Then I will not have to lug the buckets of water up the hill."

"It does not matter how you do it, as long as the plants get watered.

"Also, you will have to feed the plants every two weeks from that pile of compost at the end of the garden. And make sure that all the weeds are pulled. Around here they spread like wildfire. And keep the gate closed so no rabbits can get in."

I halfheartedly assured her, "No problem."

"Good. You can begin now."

She pointed to a bucket and she told me to fill it with compost, and mix it into the soil around each plant.

When I returned with the bucket full of what I hoped was not night soil, she gave me a digging tool to loosen the earth.

For a while Clara watched as I worked. She cautioned me not to dig too closely to the tender plants.

As I concentrated on the task, I felt a sense of well-being, and a strange peace surround me.

The dirt was cool and soft in my fingers.

For the first time since I had been in Clara's house, I felt truly at ease; safe and protected.

As if she had noticed my change of mood, Clara remarked, "The energy of the earth is nurturing.

"You are empty enough from your recapitulation that some of that nurturing energy is already creeping into your body.

"You feel at ease because you know that the earth is the mother of all things."

Clara swept her hands over the rows of plants, and said, "Everything comes from the earth.

"The earth sustains and nourishes us. And when we die, our bodies return to it."

Clara paused for a moment, and then added, "Unless of course, we succeed in the great crossing."

I asked, "You mean there is a chance that we will not die? Really, Clara, are you not exaggerating?"

She softly said, "We all have a chance for freedom, but it is up to each one of us to seize it, and turn that chance into an actuality."

Clara explained that by storing energy, we can dissolve our preconceptions about the world and the body; thus making room in our warehouse for other possibilities.

A chance not to die was one of these possibilities.

She said that the best explanation of this extravagant alternative was offered by the sages of ancient China.

They claimed that it is feasible for one's personal awareness, or 'te', to link up knowingly with the all-encompassing awareness, or 'Tao'.

Then when death comes, one's individual awareness is not dispersed as in ordinary dying, but expands and unites with the greater whole.

Clara added that my recapitulation in the setting of the cocoon-like cave had enabled me to gather and store energy.

Now I needed to use that energy to strengthen my bond with the abstract force called the spirit.

She said, "That is why you have to cultivate the garden, and absorb its energy; and also absorb the energy of the sun.

"The sun bestows its energy on the earth, and causes things to grow. If you allow the sun's light to enter your body, your energy, too, will flourish."

Clara told me to wash my hands in a bucket of water, and to sit on a log by a clearing outside the fenced garden because she was going to show me how to begin to direct my attention to the sun.

She said that I should always wear a wide-rimmed hat in order to shield my head and face.

She also warned me never to do any of the breathing passes she was about to show me for more than a few minutes at a time.

I asked, "Why are they called breathing passes?"

"Because the preset intent of these passes is to pass energy from the breath to an area where we place our attention.

"The focus of our attention could be an organ or an energy channel in our body; or could even be a thought or a memory as in the case of the recapitulation.

"What is important is that energy is transmitted; thus the intent established beforehand is fulfilled.

"The result is sheer magic because it appears as if it had sprung out of nowhere.

"That is why we call these movements and breaths sorcery passes."

Clara instructed me to face the sun with my eyes closed, and then take a deep breath through my mouth, and pull the sun's warmth and light into my stomach.

And as she had then instructed, I held a breath for as long as I could, then I swallowed, and finally, I exhaled all the air.

Clara teased me, saying, "Pretend you are a sunflower. Always keep your face toward the sun when you breathe.

"The light of the sun charges the breath with power, so be sure to take big gulps of air, and completely fill your lungs. Do this three times."

Clara explained that in that exercise, the energy of the sun automatically spreads throughout the entire body.

Also, she said we can deliberately send the sun's healing rays to any area of our body by touching the spot where we want the energy to go.

Clara then added, "Actually, after you have practiced this breath often enough, you do not need to use your hands anymore. You can simply use your mind to direct energy to any spot.

"Just visualize the sun's rays oozing directly into a specific part of your body."

Clara suggested that I do the same breath three times more, but this time breathing through my nose while visualizing the light flowing down into my back; thus energizing the channels along my spine.

The sun's rays would then flood my entire body.

Clara said, "If you want to bypass breathing using your nose and mouth altogether, you can breathe directly with your stomach, or your chest, or your back.

"You can even bring the energy through the soles of your feet and up through your body."

She told me to concentrate on my lower abdomen at the spot just below my navel; and breathe in a relaxed fashion until I could feel a bond forming between my body and the sun.

As I inhaled under her guidance, I could feel the inside of my stomach becoming warmer, and filled with light.

After a while, Clara told me to practice breathing with other areas of my body.

She touched the spot on my forehead between my eyes. When I concentrated my attention there, my head became flushed with a yellow glow.

Clara recommended that I absorb as much of the sun's vitality as I could by holding my breath; then rolling my eyes in a clockwise direction before exhaling.

I did as she instructed, and the yellow glow intensified.

Clara said, "Now stand up and try breathing with your back."

I stood, and she helped me take off my jacket.

I turned my back to the sun, and tried to place my attention on the various centers she pointed out with a touch.

One was between my shoulder blades.

Another was at the nape of my neck.

As I breathed, I visualized the sun on my back. I felt a warmth move up and down my spine, and then it rushed to my head.

I became so dizzy that I nearly lost my balance.

Clara handed me my jacket as she said, "That is enough for today."

I sat down feeling giddy; as if I were happily drunk.

Clara said, "The light of the sun is pure power. After all, it is the most intensely gathered energy there is."

She said that an invisible line of energy flows out directly from an opening at the very center of the top of the head, and the energy flows upward to the realm of not-being.

Or energy can flow from the realm of not-being down into us via the top of the head.

Clara said, "If you like, you can call it the life line that links us to a greater awareness. The sun, if used properly, charges this line and causes it to spring into action.

"That is why the crown of the head must always be protected."

Clara said that before we returned to the house, she was going to show me another powerful sorcery pass; one involving a series of body movements.

She said that it had to be executed in one single motion; with strength, precision and grace, but without straining.

She added, "I can not urge you enough to practice all the passes I show you. They are the indispensable companions of the recapitulation.

"This one did wonders for me. Watch me closely. See if you can see my double."

I was afraid I would miss something crucial, or not know what to make of it even if I saw it.

Panicking, I said, "Your what?"

Clara enunciated her words carefully as she repeated, "Watch my double. It is like a double exposure.

"You have enough energy to intend with me the result of this sorcery pass."

"But tell me again, Clara, what is the result?"

"An awareness of the double; the ethereal body; the counterpart of the physical body, which by now you must know, or at least suspect, is not merely a projection of the mind."

Clara moved to an area of level ground, and stood with her feet together and her arms at her sides.

I interjected, "Clara, wait. I am sure I do not have enough energy to see what you are referring to, because I can not even understand it conceptually."

Clara replied, "It does not matter if you understand it conceptually. Just watch closely.

"Maybe I have enough power to intend my double for both of us."

In the most agile movement I had yet seen Clara perform, she brought her arms over her head with her palms touching in a gesture of prayer.

Then she arched backward, forming an elegant bow with her arms stretched out behind her, almost to the ground.

She flipped her body laterally to the left so that instantly she ended up bending forward almost touching the ground; and before I could even open my mouth in surprise, she had flipped back and her body was gracefully arched backward.

Clara flipped back and forth two more times as if to give me a chance to see her double in her inconceivably fast and graceful movements.

At one point in her movement, I saw her as a hazy shape; just as if she were a life-size photograph that had been double exposed.

For that fraction of an instant, there were two Claras moving; one a millisecond behind the other.

I was completely perplexed by what I saw, and when I thought about it, I explained it to myself as being an optical illusion created by her speed.

But at a bodily level, I knew that my senses had witnessed something inconceivable.I realized I had had enough energy to suspend my common sense expectations, and I had allowed another possibility to enter in.

Clara stopped her exquisite acrobatics. She came and stood beside me and she was not even out of breath.

Clara explained that this sorcery pass enables the body to unite with its double in the realm of not-being; a realm whose entrance hovers above the head and slightly behind it.

Clara said, "By bending backward with the arms outstretched, we create a bridge. And since the body and the double are like two ends of a rainbow, we can intend them to join."

I asked, "Is there any specific time when I should practice this pass?"

"This is a sorcery pass of the twilight," she said. "But in order to do it, you have to have lots of energy and you have to be extremely calm.

"The twilight helps you to become calm and gives you an added boost of energy. That is why the end of the day is the best time to practice it."

"Should I try it now?" I asked.

Clara looked at me doubtfully, so I assured her that I had studied gymnastics as a child and I was eager to try it.

Clara replied, "The question is not whether you have studied gymnastics as a child, but how calm you are now."

I told her that I was as calm as I could be.

Clara laughed in disbelief, but encouraged me to go ahead and try it.

She said she would watch over me to make sure I did not break anything by twisting too forcefully.

I planted my feet on the ground, bent my knees, and began slowly executing my best backbend.

But, when I got past a certain point, gravity took over and I fell clumsily to the ground.

As she helped me up, Clara amiably concluded, "You are the farthest thing from being calm.

"What is bothering you, Taisha?"

Rather than revealing to Clara what was on my mind, I asked her if I could try the movement again.

She consented. But the second time I had more trouble than before.

I was sure my mental and emotional concerns had made me lose my balance.

I knew that the demands of my self, as Clara had said, were really outrageous. And they took all my attention.

I saw no solution except to confess to Clara what was on my mind.

I told her what bothered me the most was that I seemed to have reached a standstill in my recapitulation.

Clara asked, "What is causing it?"

I admitted that it had to do with my family. I said, sadly, "I know now without a doubt that they dislike me.

"Not that I did not suspect it all along, because I did, and I used to get into rages about it.

"But, now that I have reviewed my past, I can not get angry the way I used to, so, I do not know what to do."

Clara eyed me critically, moving her head backward to size me up.

She asked, "What is there to do? You have done the work, and found out that they disliked you.

"That is good! I do not see the problem."

Her cavalier tone annoyed me.

I had expected, if not sympathy, at least her understanding, and an intelligent comment from her.

I, on the verge of tears, emphatically said, "The problem is that I am stuck.

"I know that I need to go deeper than I have, but I can not.

"All I can think is that they disliked me; whereas I loved them."

Clara replied, "Walt, wait. Did you not tell me that you hated them? I distinctly remember..."

I interrupted her, saying, "Yes, I did say that. But at the time I said it, I did not know what I was saying.

"I really loved them; my brothers too. Later I learned to despise them, but that was much later. Not as a child.

"As a child I wanted them to pay attention to me and to play with me."

Nodding, Clara said, "I think I see what you mean. Let us sit down and discuss this."

We sat down again on the log.

Clara began, "As I see it, your problem stems from a promise you made as a child.

"You did make a promise as a child, did you not, Taisha?" Clara asked, and she looked me squarely in the eye.

I said sincerely, "I do not recall making any promises."

In a friendly tone, Clara suggested that perhaps I did not recall because I had been very young when I made it; or because it was more of a feeling than a promise actually stated in so many words.

Clara explained that as children, we often make vows, and then we become bound by those vows even though we can no longer remember making them.

Clara said, "Such impulsive pledges can cost us our freedom.

"Sometimes we are bound by preposterous childish devotion, or by pledges of undying, eternal love."

Clara said that there are moments in everyone's life, especially in early childhood, when we have wanted something so badly that we automatically fixed our total intent on it, which, once fixed, remains in place until we fulfill our desire.

She elaborated by saying that vows, oaths, and promises bind our intent; so that from then on, our actions, feelings and thoughts are consistently directed toward fulfilling or maintaining those commitments regardless of whether or not we remember having made them.

She advised me to review, during the recapitulation, all the promises I had ever made in my lifetime, especially the ones made in haste or ignorance or faulty judgement.

Clara assured me that unless I deliberately retrieved my intent from those promises, intent would never rise freely to be expressed in the present.

I tried to think about what she was saying, but my mind was a mass of confusion.

Suddenly I remembered, and told Clara about, a scene from my very early childhood when I had been about six years old.

I had wanted to be cuddled by my mother. But she pushed me away, and said that I was too old for cuddling. She told me to go clean up my room.

Yet the youngest of my brothers, who was my mother's favorite, and who was four years older than I, had always been cuddled by her.

I swore then that I would never love, or get close to, any of them ever again.

From that day on I seemed to keep my promise as I always remained estranged from them.

Clara said, "If it is true that they did not love you, it has been your fate not to be loved by your family.

"Accept it! Besides, what possible difference could it make now whether they loved you or not?"

It still made a difference, but I did not tell Clara that.

Clara went on, "I too had a problem very much like yours.

"I had always been aware of being a friendless, fat, miserable girl.

"But through recapitulating I found out that my mother had deliberately fattened me up since the day I was born.

"She reasoned that a fat, homely girl would never leave home; and she wanted me as her servant for life."

This was the first time Clara had revealed anything about her past to me; and I was horrified.

She went on, "I went for advice about this problem to my teacher, who was definitely the greatest teacher one can ever have.

"He said to me, 'Clara, I feel for you, but you are wasting your time because then was then. Now is now. Now there is only time for freedom.'

"You see, I sincerely felt that my mother had ruined me for life. I was fat and I could not stop eating.

"It took me a long time to get the meaning of 'Then was then, and now is now.' And now there 'is' only time for freedom."

Clara was silent for a moment as if to let the impact of her words settle on me.

Clara gave me a nudge as she said, "You only have time to fight for freedom, Taisha. Now is now."