The Sorcerers' Crossing: Chapter 11.

The Sorcerers' Crossing - A Woman's Journey ©1992 by Taisha Abelar.

Chapter 11.

Clara had asked me to rake the leaves in the clearing behind the house; and asked me to carry some rocks from the stream and make a border on each side of the path leading from the vegetable garden to the back of the patio.

As it was growing dark, I was becoming more and more apprehensive about finishing my task.

I had raked the leaves, and was hurriedly lining up the river rocks along the path when Clara came out of the house to check on my progress.

Clara glanced at the path, and said, "You are setting the rocks any which way. And you do not have the leaves raked up. What have you been doing all afternoon, daydreaming again?"

I knew, to my dismay, that an untimely gust of wind had scattered my neat piles of leaves before I had a chance to put them in a basket.

I said defensively, "The path looks pretty good to me. "And as for the leaves, well, can I help it if the wind made a mess of them?"

Clara replied, "When aiming for the perfect form, 'pretty good' is not good enough. You ought to know by now that the outward form of anything we do is really an expression of our inner state."

I told her that I did not see how arranging heavy rocks could be anything but hard work.

Clara retorted, "That is because you do everything just to get by."

She walked over to the row of rocks I had lined up.

She shook her head, and said, "These rocks look as if you have dropped them without considering their proper placement."

I explained, "It is getting dark, and I was running out of time,"

I felt I knew more than Clara about the subject of composition from my art classes, but I was in no mood for a lengthy discussion on aesthetics or composition.

Clara said, "Placing rocks is just like practicing kung fu.

"It is not how fast we do things, nor how much we get done.

"It is how we do things that matters"

Surprised, I shook my wrists to relax my cramped fingers as I asked, "Do you mean that carrying rocks is a part of martial arts training?"

Clara responded saying, "What do you think kung fu is?"

I suspected she was asking me a trick question, so I deliberated for a moment to find the right answer.

Then I said confidently, "It is a set of martial arts fighting techniques."

Clara shook her head, and with a laugh she said, "Leave it to Taisha to come up with a pragmatic reply."

She sat down on one of the wicker chairs at the edge of the patio from where we had a good view of the path.

I slumped into the chair next to her.

I propped my feet on the rim of a huge ceramic pot, and settled myself comfortably.

Clara then explained that the term "kung fu" was derived from the juxtaposition of two Chinese characters. One character meant 'work done over a period of time', and the other signified 'man.'

When these two characters are combined, the new term refers to man's endeavor to perfect himself through constant effort.

Clara contended that whether we practice formal exercises; or arrange rocks, or rake leaves; we always express our inner state through our actions.

Clara concluded, "Therefore, to perfect our acts is to perfect ourselves. That is a truer meaning of kung fu."

I said, "But I still do not see the connection between garden work and practicing kung fu."

Clara replied with a tone of exaggerated patience, saying, "Then let me spell it out for you.

"I asked you to carry the rocks from the stream so that walking up the hilly trail with the added weight you would develop your internal strength.

"We are not just interested in building muscles, but rather in cultivating internal energy.

"All the breathing passes I have taught you thus far, and that you should be practicing daily, are designed to increase your internal strength."

From the way Clara looked at me as she had said I should be practicing the breathing exercises daily, I knew that she was aware I was not doing them religiously.

I felt guilty.

Clara continued, "What you have been learning here with me might be referred to in China as internal kung fu, or 'nei kung'.

"Nei kung uses controlled breathing and the circulation of energy to strengthen the body, and augment one's health.

"External martial arts like the karate forms you learned from your Japanese teachers, and some of the forms I showed you, focus on building muscles and quick body responses in which energy is released and is directed away from us."

Clara said that internal kung fu was practiced by monks in China long before they developed the external or hard styles of fighting that are popularly known as kung fu today.

Clara added, "But, understand this. Regardless of whether you are learning martial arts or the discipline I have been teaching you, the goal of your training is to perfect your inner being so that it can transcend its outer form in order to accomplish the abstract flight."

I felt my old mood of failure taking hold of me, and a feeling of dejection swept over me like a somber cloud.

I felt I would never be able to succeed in whatever it was that Clara wanted even if I did do the breathing passes as she recommended.

I did not know what the great crossing meant, much less could I conceive of it as a pragmatic possibility.

As if Clara sensed my need for encouragement, she patted me on the back as she said, "You have been very patient all these months."

"You have never really pressed me about my constant insinuations that I am teaching you sorcery as a formal discipline."

I saw the perfect opportunity to ask something that had been on my mind from the first time she used the word sorcery.

I asked, "Why do you call this formal discipline sorcery?"

Clara peered at me with an expression on her face that was seriousness itself.

She replied, "That is hard for me to say. My reluctance to discuss it is because I do not want to misrepresent it, and scare you away.

"Yet, I think now is the time to talk about it.

"But first let me tell you something more about the people of ancient Mexico."

Clara leaned toward me and in a low voice said that the people of pre-Hispanic Mexico were very similar in many respects to the ancient Chinese.

Perhaps they both had the same origins, but in any case, they shared a similar world view.

The ancient Indians of Mexico, however, then gained a slight advantage because the world they lived in experienced transition.

This made them extremely eclectic, and curious about every facet of existence.

They wanted to understand the universe, life, death, and the full range of human possibilities in terms of awareness and perception.

Their great drive to know led them to develop practices that enabled them to arrive at levels of awareness which are truly unimaginable for most people.

Those Indians made detailed descriptions of their practices, and they mapped realms that those practices unveiled.

This tradition they handed down from generation to generation; always shrouding it in secrecy.

Nearly out of breath with excitement or perhaps wonderment, Clara ended her discussion of those ancient Indians by saying that they were indeed sorcerers.

Clara stared at me wide-eyed. In the twilight, her pupils were enormous.

She confided that her foremost teacher, a Mexican Indian, possessed a complete knowledge of those ancient practices. And he had taught them to her.

I asked, with matching excitement, "Are you teaching me those practices, Clara? You said the crystals were used as weapons by the ancient sorcerers, and the sorcery passes were empowered with their intent, and the recapitulation also was devised in ancient times. Does that mean that I am learning sorcery?"

Clara replied, "That is partially true. But for the time being, it is better not to focus on the fact that these practices are sorcery."

"Why not?"

"Because we are interested in something beyond the aberrant, esoteric rituals and incantations of those sorcerers of ancient times.

"You see, we believe that their bizarre practices and obsessive search for power resulted only in a greater enhancement of their 'self's.

"Sorcery is a dead-end road because it never leads to total freedom, and total freedom is what we ourselves are after.

"The danger is that one can easily become swayed by the mood of those sorcerers."

I assured Clara, "I would not become swayed."

She said, exasperated, "I really can not tell you any more at the moment, but you will find out more as you go along."

I felt betrayed and protested vehemently.

I accused her of deliberately toying with my mind and feelings by keeping me dangling with bits of information that piqued my curiosity; and with promises that all was going to be clarified at some unspecified future date.

Clara completely ignored my protests. It was as if I had not said a word.

She stood up, walked over to the pile of rocks, and picked one up as if it were made of Styrofoam.

After deliberating for a moment as to which side to turn up, she set the rock down on the edge of the path.

She then arranged two more rocks the size of footballs on either side of it. When she was satisfied with their placement, she stepped back to study the effect.

I had to admit that the smooth gray rocks she had set, and the garden path, and the jagged green leaves of the plants, made a most harmonious composition.

Clara picked up another rock and reminded me, "It is the grace with which you manipulate things that matters.

"Your inner state is reflected in the way you move, talk, eat or place rocks.

"It does not matter what you do, as long as you gather energy with your actions and transform it into power."

Clara held the rock in her hands and she gazed at the path as if considering where to place it.

When she found a suitable spot, she gently set the rock down, and gave it an affectionate pat.

Clara explained, "As an artist you should know that the rocks have to be put where they are in balance, and not simply where it is easiest for you to drop them.

"Of course, if you were imbued with power, you could drop them any which way and the result would be beauty itself.

"Your understanding this is the real purpose of the exercise of placing rocks."

From the tone of her voice, and the ugly, erratic arrangement of my rocks, I realized I had failed again at my task.

I felt acutely dejected.

"Clara, I am not an artist," I confessed. "I am merely a student. In fact, I am an ex-student. I dropped out of art school a year ago.

"I like to make believe that I am an artist, but that is about all. I am really nothing."

Clara reminded me, "We are all nothing."

"I know, but you are a mysterious, powerful nothing while I am a meager, stupid, petty nothing. I can not even set down a bunch of dumb rocks. There is no..."

Clara clamped her hand over my mouth, and said, "Do not say another word."

Clara then warned me, "I am telling you again. Be careful of what you say out loud at this house; especially in the twilight!"

It was almost dark then, and everything was absolutely still to the point of being eerie.

The birds were silent. Everything had quieted down. Even the wind, which had been so annoying earlier while I was trying to rake the leaves, had settled.

Clara whispered, "This is a time of no shadows. Let us sit in the dark under this tree, and find out if you can summon the shadows' world."

I, in a loud whisper that bordered on a screech, said, "Wait a moment, Clara. What are you going to do to me?"

My stomach was cramping with waves of nervousness, and in spite of the cold, my forehead was perspiring.

Clara asked me then outright if I had been practicing the breaths and the sorcery passes she had taught me.

Although I would have to lie, I wanted more than anything to tell her that I had.

In truth, I had practiced them minimally just so I would not forget them. Recapitulating took all of my available energy, and left me no time for anything else. At night I was too tired to do anything, so I just went to bed.

Clara leaned closer to me, and said, "You have not been doing them regularly or you would not be in this sorry state now. You are trembling like a leaf.

"There is a secret to the breathing and to the passes I have taught you that makes them invaluable."

I stammered, "What is that?"

Clara tapped me on the head, and said, "You have to practice them every day, or else they are worthless.

"You would not think of going without eating, or without drinking water, would you?

"The exercises I have taught you are even more important than food and water."

Clara had made her point.

I silently vowed that I would do them before going to bed, and again upon awakening before going to the cave; every night, and each morning.

Clara explained, "The human body has an extra energy system that comes into play when we are under stress.

"Stress happens any time you do anything to excess like being overly concerned with yourself and your performance; as you are now.

"That is why avoiding excesses is one of the fundamental precepts of the art of freedom."

Clara said that whether she called them breaths or sorcery passes, the movements she was teaching me were important because they operate directly on my reserve system.

The reason the movements are be called indispensable passes is because they allow added energy to pass into and through our reserve pathways.

Then when we are summoned to action, instead of being depleted from stress, we have surplus energy for extraordinary tasks and we become stronger.

Clara went on, "Now, before we summon the shadows' world, I will show you two more indispensable sorcery passes which combine breathing and movements."

"Do them every day. Not only will you not feel tired or get sick, but you will have plenty of surplus energy for your intending."

"For my what?"

"Your intending," Clara repeated. "For intending the result of anything you do. Remember?"

She held my shoulders and twisted me around so that I was facing north.

Clara proclaimed, "This movement is particularly important for you, Taisha, because your lungs are weakened from excessive weeping.

"A lifetime of feeling sorry for yourself certainly has taken its toll on your lungs."

Her statements jolted me to attention, and I watched her bend her knees and ankles, and assume a martial art posture called the 'straight horse.'

The stance simulates the sitting position of a rider mounted on a horse with legs a shoulders' width apart, and slightly bowed.

The index finger of her left hand was pointed down, while her other fingers were curled at the second joint.

As she began to inhale, she gently but forcefully turned her head to the right as far as she could, and rotated her left arm at the shoulder joint over her head in a full circle all the way to the back, ending up with the heel of her left palm resting on her tailbone.

Simultaneously she had brought her right arm around her waist to her back. She placed her right fist over the back of her left hand, and wedged it against her bent left wrist.

Using her right fist, she pushed up her left arm along her spinal column with her left elbow bent akimbo, and finished her inhalation.

She held her breath for a count of seven, then released the tension on her left arm.

She lowered her left arm to her tailbone again and rotated her arm at the shoulder joint straight overhead and then to the front; ending up with the heel of her left palm resting on her pubis.

Simultaneously she brought her right arm around her waist to the front and placed that fist on the back of her left hand, and pushed the left arm up her abdomen as she finished exhaling.

"Do this movement once with your left arm, and again with your right one," she said. "That way you will balance your two sides."

To demonstrate, she repeated the same movements, alternating arms, and this time turning her head to the left.

"Now you try it, Taisha," she said, stepping aside to give me room to circle my arm backward.

I replicated her movements.

As I swung my left arm back, I felt a painful tension along the underside of my extended arm, running all the way from my finger to my armpit.

Clara said, "Relax and let the breath's energy flow through your arm, and out of the tip of your index finger. Keep that finger extended, and the other fingers curved. That way you will release any blockage of energy along the pathways in your arm."

The pain grew even more acute as I pushed my bent arm upward along my back.

Clara noticed my pinched expression, so she warned, "Do not push too hard, or you will strain your tendons. And round your shoulders a bit more as you push."

After performing the movement with my right arm, I felt a burning in my thigh muscles from standing with my knees and ankles bent.

Even though I stood in the same position every day while practicing kung fu, my legs seemed to vibrate as if an electric current were running through them.

Clara suggested I stand up and shake my legs a few times to release the tension.

Clara emphasized that within that sorcery pass, rotating and pushing the arms up in conjunction with breathing moves energy to the organs in the chest, and vitalizes them. The pass massages deep, underlying centers that rarely are activated.

Turning the head massages the glands in the neck, and also opens energy passageways to the back of the head.

She explained that if awakened and nourished by the energy from breathing, these centers could unravel mysteries beyond anything we can imagine.

Clara continued, "For the next sorcery pass, stand with your feet together, and look straight ahead as if you were facing a door that you are going to open."

Clara told me to raise my hands to eye level, and to curl my fingers as if I were placing them inside the recessed handles of sliding doors that open in the middle.

She explained, "What you are going to open is a crack in the energy lines of the world."

"Imagine those lines as rigid vertical cords that make a screen in front of you.

"Now grab a bunch of the fibers, and pull them apart with all your might.

"Pull them apart until the opening is big enough for you to step through."

She told me that once I had made that hole, I should step forward with my left leg and then quickly, using my left foot as a pivot, rotate one hundred and eighty degrees counterclockwise to face the direction from which I had come.

By my turning in this manner, the energy lines I had pushed apart would wrap around me.

To return, she said, I had to open the lines again by pulling them apart the same way I had done before, then step out with the right foot and quickly turn one hundred and eighty degrees clockwise as soon as I had taken the step. In this fashion, I would have unwrapped myself and would again be facing the direction in which I had begun the sorcery pass.

Clara cautioned, "This is one of the most powerful and mysterious of all the sorcery passes. With it you can open doors to different worlds.

She quickly added, "...provided of course that you are able to realize the intent of the pass, and that you have a surplus of internal energy stored."

Her serious tone and expression made me ill at ease. I did not know what to expect if I succeeded in opening that invisible door.

In a brusque tone, she then gave me some final instructions.

She said, "When you step in, your body has to feel rooted, heavy, full of tension.

"But once you are inside and you are prepared to turn around, you should feel light and airy; as if you were floating upward.

"Exhale sharply as you first lunge forward through the opening, then fill your lungs completely by inhaling slowly and deeply the energy from behind that screen."

I practiced the pass several times as Clara looked on, but it was as if I were only going through the outward motions.

I could not feel the energy fibers forming the screen that Clara was talking about.

Clara encouraged me by prompting, "You are not pulling the door open hard enough. Use your internal energy and not just your arm muscles. Expel the stale air, and pull in your stomach as you lunge forward. Once inside, breathe as many times as you can, but be on the alert. Do not stay longer than you need to."

Clara stood behind me and held my forearms as I mustered up all my strength, reached out, and grabbed the air.

Clara gave my forearms a tremendous pull sideways.

Instantly I felt as if some sliding doors had opened.

As I exhaled sharply, Clara pushed me forward with a shove, and I lunged through the opening.

I remembered to turn around and breathe deeply.

As Clara watched me breathing, I became worried that I would not know when to come out.

Clara sensed this and she told me when to stop breathing, and step out.

Clara said, "As you practice this sorcery pass by yourself, you will learn to do it perfectly.

"But be careful. All sorts of things can happen once you go through that opening.

"You have to be cautious while at the same time bold."

"How will I know which is which?" I asked.

Clara shrugged. "For a while, you will not. Unfortunately, prudence comes to us only after we have gotten blasted."

She added that maintaining cautiousness without cowardice hinges on our ability to control our internal energy.

Diverting and storing energy in the reserve channels makes it available to us when we need it for extraordinary actions.

Clara said, "With enough internal energy, anything can be accomplished. But we need to store and refine it.

"So let us together practice some of the sorcery passes you have learned, and we will see if you can be cautious without being cowardly, and summon up the shadows' world."

I experienced a surge of energy that began as small circles in my stomach.

At first I thought it was fear, but my body did not feel frightened.

It was as if an impersonal force, void of desires or sentiment, was stirring inside me; moving from the inside out. As it ascended, my upper back jerked involuntarily.

Clara moved to the center of the patio, and I followed her.

She began doing some of the sorcery passes, slowing herself down to allow me to follow her.

Clara whispered, "Close your eyes. When your eyes are closed, it is easier to use energy lines that are already here to keep your balance."

I shut my eyes and started to move in unison with Clara.

I had no trouble following her cues for changing positions, yet I had difficulty in keeping my balance.

I knew it was because I was trying too hard to do the movements correctly. It was like the time I had tried walking with my eyes shut, but I kept stumbling because I desperately wanted to succeed.

But my desire to excel gradually diminished, and my body became more limber and subtle.

As we kept on moving, I became so relaxed that I felt I had no bones or joints.

If I raised my arms overhead, it seemed I could stretch them all the way to the tops of the trees.

If I bent my knees and lowered my weight, a surge of energy rushed downward through my feet.

I felt I had grown roots. Lines were extending from the soles of my feet deep into the earth, giving me an unprecedented stability.

Gradually the boundary between my body and its surroundings dissolved.

With every pass I did, my body seemed to melt and merge with the darkness until it began to move and breathe all by itself.

I could hear Clara breathing beside me, performing the same passes.

With my eyes closed, I sensed her shape and postures.

At one point, the strangest thing yet happened.

I felt a light turning on inside my forehead.

But as I looked up, I became aware that the light was not really inside me at all. It came from the top of the trees, as if a huge panel of electric lights had been turned on at night to illuminate an outdoor stadium.

I had no trouble seeing Clara, and everything on and around the patio.

The light had the strangest hue, and I could not decide if it was rose-tinted, pinkish or peach, or like pale terra-cotta.

In places, the illumination seemed to change its glare depending on where I looked.

Clara, peering at me curiously, said, "Do not move your head. And continue keeping your eyes closed. Just concentrate on your breathing."

I did not understand why she had told me to continue keeping my eyes closed since she must have seen that my eyes were wide open.

I tried to determine the coloration of the light, for it seemed to change with every movement of my head, and its intensity fluctuated depending on how hard I stared at it.

I became so involved with the glow around me that I lost the rhythm of the breaths.

Then as suddenly as the light had turned on, it switched off again, and I was left in total darkness.

Clara nudged me an said, "Let us go into the kitchen, and heat up some stew."

I hesitated. I felt disoriented and out of place. My body was so heavy I thought I must be sitting down.

"You can open your eyes now," Clara said.

I do not remembered having had a more difficult time opening my eyes as I did at that moment. It seemed to take me forever to do it.

Each time I got them open, they would droop shut again.

This opening and closing seemed to go on for a long time, until I felt Clara shaking my shoulders.

"Taisha, open your eyes!" she commanded. "Do not dare to pass out on me. Do you hear?"

I shook my head to clear it, and my eyes popped open.

Apparently, my eyes had been closed all the time.

It was pitch black, but there was enough moonlight coming through the foliage to see Clara's silhouette. We were sitting under the tree on the two rattan armchairs in the patio.

I asked dazed, "How did I get here?"

Clara said matter-of-factly, "You walked over here, and sat down."

"But what happened? A moment ago it was light. I could see everything clearly."

Clara said with a congratulatory tone, "What happened is that you entered into the shadows' world."

"I could tell by the rhythm of your breathing that you had gone there, but I did not want to frighten you then by asking you to look at your shadow.

"If you had looked, you would have known that..."

I instantly understood what Clara was intimating, and I gasped, "There were no shadows. There was light, but nothing had a shadow."

Clara nodded. "Tonight you have found out something of real value, Taisha. In the worlds outside this one, there are no shadows!"