The Sorcerers' Crossing: Chapter 20.

The Sorcerers' Crossing - A Woman's Journey ©1992 by Taisha Abelar.

Chapter 20.

My third night in the tree house was like camping out.

I simply slipped into the sleeping bag, fell into a sound sleep and woke up at dawn.

Lowering myself down was easier too. I had gotten the knack of moving the ropes and pulleys without straining my back and shoulders.

"This is the last day of your transition phase," Emilito announced after we had eaten breakfast. "You have much work to do. But you are fairly industrious, so it will not be too difficult."

"What do you mean by a transition phase?"

"Yours is a six-day transition from the last time you talked to Clara until now.

"Do not forget, you have spent six nights in the tree, three during which you were unconscious, and the other three nights you were aware.

"Sorcerers always count events in sets of threes."

I asked, "Do I also have to do things in sets of threes?"

"Certainly," he said, "You are Nelida's heir, are you not? You are the continuation of her line."

He gave me a sly grin, and added, "But for now you have to do whatever I do. Remember, for however long it takes, I am your guide."

Hearing Emilito say that made me swallow hard.

Whereas I had felt a twitch of pride whenever Nelida included me with her in any of her statements, I did not like it one bit when the caretaker joined me with him.

Noticing my discomfort, he assured me that forces beyond anyone's control had placed us together to fulfill a specific task.

Therefore, we had to abide by the rule because that was the way things were done in his sorcery tradition.

Emilito explained, "Clara prepared your physical side by teaching you to recapitulate, and by loosening your gates with the sorcery passes."

"My job is to help solidify your double, and then teach it 'stalking'."

He assured me that no one else could teach me how to stalk with the double except himself.

I asked, "Can you explain what stalking with the double is?"

"Of course I can, but it would not be wise to talk about it because stalking means doing, not talking about doing.

"Besides, you already know what it means since you have done it."

"Where and when have I done it?"

"The first night you slept in the tree house," Emilito said, "when you were about to die of fright.

"On that occasion your reason was at a loss as to how to handle the situation, so circumstances forced you to depend on your double.

"It was your double that came to your rescue. It flowed out of the gates that your fear had thrown wide open. I call that stalking with the double.

"The nagual and Nelida are the masters of the double and they will give you the finishing touches," he went on, "provided I do the rough work.

"So it is up to me to get you ready for them, just like it was up to Clara to get you ready for me.

"And unless I get you ready, they will not be able to do anything at all with you."

"Why could Clara not continue being my teacher?" I asked, taking a sip of water.

Emilito peered at me. Then he blinked like a bird, and said, "It is the rule to have two ushers. Every one of us had two ushers, including myself.

"But, my final teacher was a nagual. That is also the rule."

Emilito explained that the nagual Julian Grau was not only his teacher, but the teacher of each of the sixteen members of the household.

The nagual Julian, together with his own teacher, a nagual by the name of Elias Abelar, found each of the members one by one, and helped them on their way to freedom.

I asked, "Why is it that the names Grau and Abelar keep on recurring?"

Emilio explained, "Those are power names.

"Every generation of sorcerers uses them, with each nagual's name following an alternate-generation rule.

"That means that John Michael Abelar inherited the name from Ellas Abelar. But the new nagual, the one that will come after John Michael Abelar, will inherit the name Grau from Julian Grau. That is the rule for the naguals."

"Why did Nelida say that I am an Abelar?"

"Because you are just like her, and the rule says that you will inherit her last name or her first name; or, if you wish, you can inherit both names. She herself inherited both names from her predecessor."

I asked, "Who decided on that rule and why have it in the first place?"

"The rule is a code by which sorcerers live to keep from becoming arbitrary or whimsical.

"They have to adhere to the precepts set up for them because the precepts were made by the spirit itself.

"This is what I was told and I have no reason to doubt it."

Emilito said that his other teacher was a woman named Talia. He described her as the most exquisite woman anyone could ever imagine existing on this earth.

I blurted out, "I think Nelida is the most exquisite being." I stopped myself from saying more because I did not want to sound like Emilito; totally overcome with absolute devotion.

Emilito leaned across the kitchen table and with the air of a conspirator about to reveal a secret said, "I agree with you.

"But wait until Nelida really gets hold of you. Then you will love her as if there is no tomorrow."

His words did not surprise me for he had correctly assessed something I already felt. I loved Nelida as if I had known her forever, and as if she were the mother I never really had.

I told him that she was to me the kindest, most beautiful and impeccable being I had ever encountered, and that was in spite of the fact that until a few days ago I did not even know she existed.

Emilito protested, "But of course you knew her. Every one of us came to see you, and Nelida saw you more often than anyone.

"When you came here with Clara, Nelida had taught you endless things already."

I asked uneasily, "What do you think she has taught me?"

He scratched the top of his head for a moment, and then said, "She taught you, for example, to call your double for advice."

"You say that I did that during my first night in the tree house, but I do not know what I did."

"Of course you do. You have always done it.

"What about your technique of relaxing and looking at the southern horizon to ask for advice?"

The moment he said this, something cleared in my mind.

I told Emilito I had remembered some completely forgotten dreams I had over the years in which a beautiful, mysterious lady used to talk to me and leave gifts for me on my bedside table.

Once I dreamt that she left an opal ring, and another time a gold bracelet with a tiny heart charm.

Sometimes she would sit on the edge of my bed and tell me things that upon awakening I would begin to do; like gazing at the southern horizon, or wearing certain colors, or even styling my hair a certain way that was more becoming.

When I felt sad or alone, she would soothe and comfort me, and whisper sweet nothings in my ear.

The thing I remember most vividly was that she told me that she loved me for what I was. She used those exact words, "I love you for what you are."

She would rub my back where I was tense, or stroke my head and tousle my hair.

I realized that it was because of her that I did not want my mother to touch me. I did not want anyone to touch me except that lady.

When I woke up after any of these dreams, my feeling was that nothing in the world mattered as long as that lady held me in her heart.

I always thought that those were my fantasy dreams.

I had attended Catholic schools so I thought perhaps she was the Blessed Virgin, or even one of the saints who kept on appearing to me. I had been taught that all good things come from the saints.

At one time, I even thought she was my fairy godmother.

But never in my wildest imagination did I think that such a being really existed.

Emilito laughed, and said, "That was not the Virgin or a saint, you idiot," "That was our Nelida.

"And she really did give you those jewels. You will find them in the box under the platform in the tree house.

"They were given to her by her predecessor, and now she passed them on to you."

"You mean that opal ring really exists?" I gasped.

Emilito nodded, and said, "Go see for yourself. Nelida told me to tell you..."

But before he could finish his statement, I ran out of the kitchen to the front of the house.

With record speed, I hoisted myself up to the tree house.

There, in a silk box hidden under the platform, were exquisite jewels. I recognized the opal ring that had red fire in it, and the gold charm bracelet. There were other rings, a gold watch, and a diamond necklace.

I took out the gold bracelet with the heart and put it on, and for the first time since Clara left, I found my eyes filled with tears.

They were not tears of self-pity or sadness, but of sheer joy and elation because now I knew beyond a doubt that the beautiful lady had not been merely a dream.

I called out Nelida's name and thanked her at the top of my voice for all her favors.

I promised to change, to be different and do whatever Emilito told me, anything, as long as I could see and talk to her again.

When I let myself down I found Emilito standing by the door in the kitchen.

I showed him the bracelet and rings and asked him how it was possible for me to have seen the same jewels years ago in my dreams.

"Sorcerers are extremely mysterious beings," Emilito said, "because most of the time they act from the energy of their double.

"Nelida is a great stalker. She stalks in dreams.

"Her power is so unique that she can not only transport herself, but bring things with her.

"That is how she could visit you, and that is why her name is Abelar.

"Abelar to us means stalker, and Grau means dreamer. All the sorcerers in this house are either dreamers or stalkers."

"What is the difference, Emilito?"

"Stalkers plan and act out their plans. They connive and invent, and change things whether they are awake or in dreams.

"Dreamers move onward without any plan or thought. They jump into the reality of the world or into the reality of dreams."

I examined the opal ring in the light, and said, "All this is incomprehensible to me, Emilito."

"I am guiding you so it will become comprehensible," Emilito replied. "And to help me guide you, you must do what I tell you.

"Everything I will say, do, or recommend that you do is either the exact replica of what my two teachers told me or it is something patterned on what they said."

He leaned closer to me, and whispered, "You may not believe this, but you and I are basically alike."

"In what way, Emilito?"

With a most serious face, he said, "We are both a bit insane.

"Pay close attention and remember this. In order for you and me to be sane, we have to work like demons at balancing, not the body or the mind, but the double."

I saw no point in arguing or agreeing with him, but as I sat down at the kitchen table again, I asked him, "How can we be sure that we are balancing the double?"

"By opening our gates," he replied. "The first gate is in the sole of the foot, at the base of the big toe."

He reached under the table and grabbed my left foot and in one incredibly swift maneuver, he removed my shoe and sock.

Then using his index finger and thumb as a vise, he pressed the round protuberance of my big toe at the sole of my foot and the toe joint at the top of my foot.

The sharp pain and the surprise made me scream. I yanked my foot away so forcefully that I bumped my knee on the underside of the table.

I stood up and yelled, "What the hell do you think you are doing!"

He ignored my angry outburst and said, "I am pointing out the gates to you according to the rule, so pay close attention."

He stood up and moved around to my side.

"The second gate is the area that includes the calves and the inner part of the knee," he said bending over and stroking my legs.

"The third is at the sexual organs and tailbone."

Before I could move away, he slid his warm hand into my crotch and lifted me up a bit as he gave me a firm squeeze.

I fought him off but he grabbed my lower back.

He said, "The fourth and the most important is in the area of the kidneys."

Unconcerned with my vexation, he pushed me down on the bench again.

He moved his hands up my back. I cringed, but for Nelida's sake I let him.

He said, "The fifth point is in between the shoulder blades."

"The sixth is at the base of the skull, and the seventh is at the crown of the head."

To isolate the last point, his knuckles descended hard on the very top of my head.

He moved back to his side of the table and sat down. He went on, "If our first or second centers are open, we transmit a certain kind of force that people may find intolerable."

"On the other hand, if the third and fourth gates are not as closed as they are supposed to be, we transmit a certain force that people will find most appealing."

Half jokingly I thought that the caretaker's lower centers must be wide open because I found him as obnoxious and intolerable as anyone could be.

Partly out of guilt for feeling the way I did toward him I admitted that people did not take to me easily. I had always thought it was a lack of social grace for which I felt I had to compensate by being extra accommodating.

Emilito agreed, saying, "It is only natural. You have had the gates in your feet and calves partially open all your life.

"Another consequence of those lower centers being open is that you have trouble walking."

"Wait just a moment," I said, "there is nothing wrong with the way I walk. I practice martial arts. Clara told me that I move smoothly and gracefully."

At that Emilito burst out laughing, and retorted, "You can practice whatever you please. You still drag your feet when you walk. You have an old man's shuffle."

Emilito was worse than Clara. At least she had the grace to laugh with me, not at me. He had absolutely no sympathy for my feelings. He picked on me the way older children pick on younger, weaker ones who have no defenses.

He peered at me and asked, "You are not offended, are you?"

I was seething as I said, "Me, offended? Of course not."

"Good. Clara assured me that you have rid yourself of most of your self-pity and self-importance through your recapitulation.

"Recapitulating your life, especially your sex life, loosens some of your gates even more.

"The cracking sound you hear at the back of your neck is the moment when your right and left sides have separated.

"This leaves a gap directly in the middle of your body from where the energy rises to your neck at the place where the sound is heard. Hearing that pop means that your double is about to become aware."

"What should I do when I hear it?"

Emilito said, "To know what to do is not that important because there is very little we can do. We can either remain seated with our eyes shut, or we can get up and move about.

"The important point is to know that normally we are limited because our physical body controls our awareness.

"But if we can turn it around so that our double controls our awareness, practically speaking we can do anything we can imagine."

Emilito stood up, came toward me, and said, "Now, you are not going to trick me into talking about things the way you did Clara and Nelida."

"You can only learn about the double by doing. I am talking to you only because your transition phase has not ended yet."

He took me by the arm and without another word, he practically dragged me to the back of the house.

There he positioned me under a tree, with the top of my head a few inches below a low, thick branch.

He said that with the help of the tree he was going to see if I could project out my double again in full awareness.

I seriously doubted I would be able to project out anything, and I told him so.

He insisted that if I intended it, my double would push out from inside me and expand beyond the boundaries of my physical body.

I hoped he would show me a procedure that was part of the sorcerers' rule as I asked, "What am I supposed to do, exactly?"

He told me to close my eyes and concentrate on my breathing.

And as I relaxed, I was to intend a force to flow upward until I could touch the top branches with a feeling that came out of the gate in the crown of my head.

He said that this was going to be fairly easy for me because I was going to use my friend the tree for support.

The tree's energy would form a matrix for my awareness to expand.

I concentrated on my breaths, and after a time I felt a vibrating energy rising up my back; trying to push out of the top of my head.

Then something opened inside me.

Every time I inhaled, a line elongated to the top of the tree. When I exhaled, the line was pulled down into my body again.

The feeling of reaching the top of the tree became stronger with my every breath until I truly believed that my body expanded, becoming as tall and voluminous as the tree.

At one point, a profound affection and empathy for the tree enveloped me. It was at that same moment that something surged up my back and out my head, and I found myself viewing the world from the top branches.

This sensation lasted only an instant, for it was disrupted by the caretaker's voice commanding me to come down and flow inside my body again.

I felt something like a waterfall as an effervescence flowing downward entered the top of my head and filled my body with a familiar warmth.

When I opened my eyes, Emilito told me, "You do not want to stay mixed with the tree too long."

I had an overwhelming desire to embrace the tree, but Emilito pulled me by the arm to a large boulder some distance away, where we sat down.

He pointed out that aided by an outside force, in this case uniting my awareness with the tree, one can easily make the double expand.

However, because it is easy, we run the risk of staying merged with the tree too long in which case we might sap the tree of the vital energy it needs to maintain itself in a strong and healthy state; or we might leave some of our own energy behind by becoming emotionally attached to the tree.

Emilito explained, "You can merge with anything."

"If whatever or whomever you merge with is strong, your energy will be enhanced as it was whenever you merged with the magician, Manfred.

"But if it is sick or weak, stay away.

"In any case, you must do the exercise sparingly because like everything else, it is a double-edged sword. Outside energy is always different from our own, and is often antagonistic to it."

I listened attentively to what Emilito said.

One thing stood out from everything else, and I asked, "Tell me, Emilito, why did you call Manfred a magician?"

"That is our way of acknowledging his uniqueness.

"Manfred to us can not be anything else but a magician.

"He is more than a sorcerer. He would be a sorcerer if he had lived among his kind. However, he lives among human beings, and human sorcerers at that.

And since he is par with us we say that only a consummate magician could accomplish that feat."

I Emilito if I would ever see Manfred again.

He crossed his index finger over his lips in such an exaggerated fashion that I kept quiet, and I did not press him for an answer.

Emilito picked up a twig and drew an oval shape on the soft ground.

Then he added a horizontal line that transected it midway.

Pointing to the two partitions he explained that the double is divided into a lower and an upper section which correspond roughly in the physical body to the abdomen and chest cavities.

Two different currents of energy circulate in these two sections.

In the lower one circulates the original energy we had while still in the womb.

In the upper section circulates the thought energy which enters the body at birth with the first breath.

He said that energy is enhanced by experience and rises upward into the head.

The original energy sinks down into the genital area.

Usually in life these two energies become separated in the double, causing weaknesses and unbalance in the physical body.

Emilito drew another line down the center of the elliptical shape, dividing it lengthwise into two. He said that the two divisions corresponded to the right and left sides of the body.

These two sides also have two specific patterns of energy circulation.

In the right side, energy circulates up on the frontal part of the double, and down on the back of it.

On the left side, energy circulates down on the frontal part of the double, and up on the back.

He explained that an error many people make when trying to seek their double is to apply to it the rules of the physical body, and they mistakenly seek to train their double as if, for example, it were made of muscle and bone.

He assured me that there is no way to condition the double through physical exercises.

Emilito explained, "The easiest way to resolve this problem is to consider the your body and your double as separate."

"Only when they are undeniably separate can awareness flow from one to the other.

"When modern sorcerers consider them as separate, they can dispense with the nonsense of rituals, incantations and elaborate breathing techniques that are supposed to unify them."

"But what about the breaths and sorcery passes that Clara taught me? Are they nonsense too?"

"No. She taught you only things that would help you separate your body and your double. Therefore, the breaths and sorcery passes are all useful for our purpose."

Emilito said that perhaps our greatest human fallacy is to believe that our health and well-being is in the realm of the body when, in essence, the control of our lives is in the realm of the double.

This fallacy stems from the fact that our bodies control our awareness.

Ordinarily our awareness is placed on the energy that circulates in the right side of the double, which results in our ability to think and reason and be effective in dealing with ideas and people.

Sometimes accidentally but more often due to training awareness can shift to the energy that circulates in the left side of the double which results in behavior not so conducive to intellectual pursuits or dealing with people.

Emilito said, "When awareness is turned steadily to the left side of the double, the double is fleshed out and emerges.

"Then we are capable of performing inconceivable feats.

"This should not be surprising because the double is our energy source. The physical body is merely the receptacle where that energy has been placed."

I asked him if there are some people who can focus their awareness on either side of the double at will.

Emilito nodded, and said, "Sorcerers can do that.

"The day you can do that, you will be a sorceress yourself."

He said that people can shift their awareness to the right or the left side of the double after they have successfully completed the abstract flight simply by manipulating the flow of their breath.

Such people can practice sorcery or martial arts as readily as they can manipulate intricate academic constructs.

Emilito emphasized, however, that because of the mystery and power inherent on the left, our urge to turn our awareness steadily to the left is a potential trap infinitely more deadly than the attractions of the world of everyday life.

Emilito touched my forehead and the center of my chest, and he said, "The real hope for us lies in the center because in the wall that divides the two sides of the double is a hidden door that opens into a third, thin, secret compartment.

"Only when this door opens can one experience true freedom."

Emilito grabbed my arm, pulled me off the rock and while hurrying me back into the house, he said, "Your transition time is nearly up. No more time for explanations.

"We will leave the transition phase behind us with one hell of a bang. Come. Let us go to my room."

I stopped dead in my tracks.

I was no longer merely ill at ease, I felt threatened.

No matter how eccentric Emilito might be, and no matter how much he talked about the ethereal double, he was still a male, and the memory of his hand grasping my private parts in the kitchen was much too vivid.

I knew that it had not been an impersonal touch merely for the purpose of demonstration either for I had clearly sensed his lust when he touched me.

Emilito peered at me with cold eyes, and said, "What the hell do you mean that you sensed my lust when I touched you?"

He had voiced my thought verbatim, and I could only stare back at him with my mouth gaping.

A surge of shame went through me, accompanied by a cold shiver that spread over my entire body.

I blurted out some lame apologies. I told him that I used to fantasize that I was so beautiful that all men found me irresistible.

Emilito said, "To recapitulate means to burn all that. You have not done a thorough job.

"This, no doubt, is the reason you cracked while attempting the sorcerers' crossing."

Emilito walked away from the house, then turned around and said, "It is not time yet to show you what I had in mind.

"No. You need to do much more work to clean up your act. Much more.

"And from now on, you will have to be twice as careful, and work twice as hard because you can not afford any more slip-ups."